A Group MSTing by Various Weirdos at NetRaptor's Chatroom
Original Story by Celestial Hedgird
(Edited and reformatted by Captain Chaotica!!)
PART TWO
Experimental Subject 651: I still have what's left of "The Female Factor"...I copy-pasted it into MS Word so I wouldn't have to find my place again.
Captain Chaotica: I want to see this stupid story you are speaking of...
Experimental Subject 651: Celestial the Hedgird. 'Nuff said.
Spiky the Fox: The word "celestial" pretty much defines any given mary-sue...
Captain Chaotica: Really. (rolls eyes)
Nyperold: And Hedgird... just... yeah.
Experimental Subject 651: We didn't even get through the first chapter.
Captain Chaotica: Hedge-bird...sounds like she's part PLANT and part...duck! Hey, it's Dr. Regina Bushroot! Well, part _some_ kind of bird anyway. :P
Dark Chaos 0: Heh.
Captain Chaotica: Well, let's look at the next part, then.
Experimental Subject 651: MST it or look at it?
Captain Chaotica: BOTH! Well, I mean, you HAVE to look at things in order to riff them...unfortunately... :P
Nyperold: We got FIC SIGN!!
Experimental Subject 651: That works...coming right up...
few hours to finish the aging process. I will send robots to fetch you when I'm completely finishes." Eggman leaves the room and goes back into the lab
Captain Chaotica: --and resumes his tango lessons.
Experimental Subject 651: Yay tense change!
Nyperold: Even the dialogue isn't immune...
Captain Chaotica: "when I'm completely finishes"--HUH?! Eggman needs to work on a serum that will correct his GRAMMAR, is what _he_ needs to concoct...
where the three once small children are held. He walks to the tubes that once contained three infants. "Soon," says Eggman. "Very soon you will begin
Captain Chaotica: --the beguine!
Experimental Subject 651: This could be interpreted so utterly wrongly...but I'll settle for "...playing checkers!"
Nyperold: What happened to them?
Spiky the Fox: Where are the infants now? and why is eggman talking to an empty stasis pod?
Captain Chaotica: They ONCE contained three infants, but, these being Mary Sue super-babies, I'm sure they melted straight out of the tubes with their amazing super-dooper mutant powers.
Nyperold: He just walked up to three empty -- yeah.
Vincent Blackwing: heh
Captain Chaotica: OR, they _used_ to contain infants, but because they grew so fast, now they're adults and can fall in love with Shadow, Knuckles, and Sonic.
Nyperold: Exactly.
Experimental Subject 651: CC is pyschic.
Captain Chaotica: As Crow T. Robot once said, "_I_ could be writing this crap!"
your new lives.
Captain Chaotica: --are in the mail, and BOY, do you _need_ them.
Spiky the Fox: CC: XD!
Nyperold: Contained in monitors throughout the levels. *1up sound*
Captain Chaotica: (cracks up at Nyperold's riff)
Experimental Subject 651: As living plotholes!
Captain Chaotica: Better yet, how about living _pot_holes and we can put them in the roads, to be run over repeatedly?
Experimental Subject 651: Professional roadblocks.
RealBigNUKE: And then the world ends.
Captain Chaotica: "Just then, the world blew up."
Experimental Subject 651: Happy End!
/A few hours later/
Captain Chaotica: --the world blew up. Sorry, sorry, just kidding...
Experimental Subject 651: Team Sonic ran in and smashed up the place, mistook the girls for robots, killed them, and ended this farce.
pangolin: Eggman was being killed by mutant babies.
Captain Chaotica: Oh, if ONLY we could be so lucky, sigh...
Spiky the Fox: You know, that could very easily have been described without the "//"
Captain Chaotica: And THIS is why you don't raid the Charles Xavier day-care center for you test subjects, Robotnik!
Nyperold: Celestial had changed tense 30 more times since...
Captain Chaotica: And the MSTers are getting _really_ tense as a result.
Experimental Subject 651: *twitching*
Shadow and Rouge are escorted to the lab by Metal Sonic. They reach the door and Metal types the code in. The door opens and the three walk into the
Experimental Subject 651: Oh my god...we can't make the "through the door" riff! DARNIT!
chaossaiyan2000: ...refrigerator.
Spiky the Fox: --lava pit.
Nyperold: --wall.
Captain Chaotica: ...bathroom. "Hey, wait, THIS isn't the lab..." said Shadow, confused.
Experimental Subject 651: ...Sert Containment Area.
Captain Chaotica: Good idea, but there is NOTHING in this universe powerful enough to block out rays of pure Sertium. Not even six-inch-thick slabs of lead.
Experimental Subject 651: Sure there is. Even more Sertium.
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, but isn't that like putting out a fire with gasoline? Yeek.
Spiky the Fox: There is only one thing more powerful than the sert: the plothole.
Vincent Blackwing: Indeed.
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, but serts can _control_ and summon plotholes by their (the sert's) very existence.
room.
Spiky the Fox: The Room!
Nyperold: The bedroom, of course.
Captain Chaotica: Not THE ROOM! Does it also have The Window?
Experimental Subject 651: The Room Monster ate Metal Sonic, and Shadow and Rouge ran screaming back out the door.
Captain Chaotica: --like the whining babies they are.
Spiky the Fox: Which is why I'm inciting the plotholes to rebel. All they need is a leader.
Experimental Subject 651: Darn it, where's OC when you need some The Room riffs?
Captain Chaotica: (mentally summons OC)...drat, I forgot I'm not a mutant. :P
"What's so important?" asks Rouge.
Captain Chaotica: (as Shadow) Death, taxes, the environment, politics, feeding the hungry, stuff like that.
Experimental Subject 651: (as Rouge) I mean, I was putting on my makeup!"
pangolin: (as Metal Sonic) I want you to marry me.
Nyperold: Indeed. He's a crucial member of the infield.
Captain Chaotica: I would imagine that by this point, it would take her longer to take it OFF, rather than put it on. A jackhammer might be necessary...
pangolin: XD
Experimental Subject 651: Actually, I'm not convinced she wears makeup.
Captain Chaotica: I don't think I'd wear _any_ makeup if I had fur, anyway. It would be much, MUCH harder to get off!
Nyperold: (as Rouge) Who?
Nyperold: (as Shadow) Well, him, too.
Nyperold: (as Rouge) Who?
Captain Chaotica: No, Who's on First, What's on Second, and I Don't Know is on third...
Nyperold: Yes, yes, but we were talking about What.
Captain Chaotica: (sorry, SOMEbody had to do that at SOME point. :P)
Nyperold: (as Rouge) AUGH!
Experimental Subject 651: Ah...the sketch.
"I have completed my greatest creations yet," says Eggman. "I wanted you to be here for their awakening." Eggman leads Rouge, Shadow and Metal
Captain Chaotica: --into THE VAT OF BOILING SHARKS!!
Nyperold: Well, it SOUNDS evil...
Experimental Subject 651: (as Eggman) So you can know that you are obselete, and I will soon be scrapping/firing you.
Captain Chaotica: (Eggman) I'm not sure which; I'm going to spin this wheel to make the choice for me.
deeper into the lab and stops when he reaches the tubes. Rouge and Shadow stare at the three tubes that now contain three fully-grown furries.
Experimental Subject 651: FURRIES!?! FURRIES!?! MOBIANS, DARN YOU!
Captain Chaotica: And it comes as NO surprise to ANYbody at all, that I was completely right. :P
Guardian Hyperion: OH MY GOD! IT'S 3 OUT OF THE FOUR TELETUBBIES!
Nyperold: One of whom is part feathery.
Captain Chaotica: And only _partly_ furry, if they're part BIRD...
pangolin: Unfortunately, these are mutant furries that break out of the tubes and eat Metal Sonic...
Captain Chaotica: I still say that a hedge-bird is part _plant_ and part bird...
Experimental Subject 651: Furries and Mobians are two different things!
Captain Chaotica: I thought Mobians _were_ a type of furry? But let's not get back into THIS again...
Nyperold: I say Mobian is a subset. But whatever.
Experimental Subject 651: Well, I think furry implies traditional, HUMAN-SIZED anthro...which would mean Sonic would come up to about their waist.
Captain Chaotica: I always thought furries were _any_ kind of humanoid, anthro animals, regardless of size. And that their size would _vary_, anyway, due to different species...
"Are they...?" begins Shadow.
Experimental Subject 651: ...Stupid?"
Nyperold: Yes. They're SERTS.
Spiky the Fox: ...dead?
pangolin: The embodiment of evil?
Captain Chaotica: ...crunchy and taste good with ketchup?
Nyperold: And no, they won't freshen your breath.
Guardian Hyperion: No Shadow, they are not a new form of Sonic character clone.
Experimental Subject 651: Do not meddle in the affairs of Shadow, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Captain Chaotica: (as Shadow) Oh, WOW! Life-sized collectible action figures, still in the original packaging! Cool...
Guardian Hyperion: .. oh wait, I meant "Yes Shadow, they are cheap recolors of existing characters only 5 times stronger."
Captain Chaotica: And with WINGS, of course. Don't forget the "leet" wings.
Experimental Subject 651: Only one has wings, but that's bad enough.
"Yes," says Eggman. "They are the three children you brought to me. I have improved them. I've made them stronger, faster, more agile, and I gave them
Spiky the Fox: --cookies.
Experimental Subject 651: ...pixie sticks!"
Nyperold: an EXTREME Makeover!!
Guardian Hyperion: "... a love for the other canon characters."
Neo the Tiger: Ohh, don't forget the bullet-deflecting skin density.
Captain Chaotica: --mutant electrical powers, Borg eye-sensors, and, for reason at all, built-in pogo sticks on their feet.
Spiky the Fox: XD
Captain Chaotica: "We can improve them. We can make them stronger...faster...BETTER!" It's...the Six-Million Dollar Hedgeird!
Experimental Subject 651: ...an overdose of sertiness."
Nyperold: We have the technology. We can -- BEAT.
Captain Chaotica: Chaotica casts BEAT on Nyperold. Nyperold's life-force stopped! (just kidding)
Experimental Subject 651: Cannon Hyper? I wish...
Guardian Hyperion: Shuddup.
Experimental Subject 651: Well, them in the cannon anyways.
Captain Chaotica: Cannon FODDER would be even better...
Experimental Subject 651: True, true.
Captain Chaotica: Or how about human--er, Mobian--shields?
greater endurance. I've also put Chaos Energy into their blood streams making them capable of using Chaos Control. They are also immortal and ageless.
Guardian Hyperion: (as Shadow) FAKERS!
Experimental Subject 651: So in other words, they're just like Shadow.
Captain Chaotica: OH DEAR FREAKING LORD! (gives up,throws up, and goes to lie down)
Nyperold: (as Shadow) So, how old are they?
Captain Chaotica: So, what, are they now going to have glowing blue-green eyes, flowing white hair, and go around burning small villages?--oh, wait, that's MAKO energy, my mistake...
Guardian Hyperion: And yet one of them ends up dying in the end anyhow....
Nyperold: (as Eggman) (facepalms) Why do I even bother...
Captain Chaotica: Immortal and ageless OH MY GODDESS, I mean, can we _get_ any more overkill?!
Nyperold: No, they're immortal.
Experimental Subject 651: I think one those tubes says "SOLDIER First Class" on it...
Captain Chaotica: I think _all three_ of those tubes say SOLDIER First Class on them...
Neo the Tiger: Ohh we could point out he must have Sonic radar. He seems to appear wherever Sonic is.
Captain Chaotica: Would they die if we tossed a Meteor on them? PLEASE?
Experimental Subject 651: Well, they're immortal, but not invunerable. So probably yes.
Spiky the Fox: No, they'd deflect it and gain the gratitude of the planet.
Guardian Hyperion: They can live forever in extreme pain then.
Captain Chaotica: And meanwhile, Amy Rose would be the one who cast Holy earlier and REALLY saved everybody, but nobody would thank her, 'cos one of them would've stabbed her through the stomach long before the final battle.
Spiky the Fox: Because of aforementioned plothole controlling abilities.
Experimental Subject 651: That's one thing most people forget: immortality means living forever, but only invunerablity protects you from getting hurt.
Neo the Tiger: :D Someone sees that.
Spiky the Fox: *nod*
Captain Chaotica: I read somewhere about this character who keeps dying and coming back to life, so he can never REALLY die, but he still doesn't _want_ to, because it HURTS every time.
"You...you...put them through the same process Gerald put me through?" asks Shadow.
Experimental Subject 651: "...DIE!"
Guardian Hyperion: (as Eggman) Yep. That means they'll all turn good in the end. Ooops! I spoiled the ending.
Captain Chaotica: (as Shadow) Cool, my own trio of evil clone sisters to help me (dramatic voice) TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
Experimental Subject 651: Wait up...didn't it say earlier that Gerald's work logs were lost? I quote: "I can't create them though. My grandfather's main work logs were destroyed!"--Robotnik earlier.
Captain Chaotica: What I want to know is why the heck is Eggman CREATING serts? He's been through so many bad fanfics; doesn't he know how DANGEROUS serts are to him, by now?
Experimental Subject 651: Rome wasn't built in a day...But Station Square was!
Neo the Tiger: XD
"Yes," says Eggman. "They will do what ever I say, but they will be able to think freely and make their own decisions." Eggman walks over to the control
Captain Chaotica: --panel, and starts banging his head against it so as to get himself out of the fic early.
Nyperold: --panel, and switched the tense to "past".
Spiky the Fox: --tower, and causes all the planes in the SS Municipal Airport to crash.
Guardian Hyperion: ... Room and sprays Poison gas into the room with the serts.
Captain Chaotica: That's what we need! A chemical called "Sert-Away!"
Guardian Hyperion: How is it free will to obey someone else?
panel and begins to type into it. The three tubes drain and the wires attached to the females disconnect. The females slump to the bottom of the tubes
Captain Chaotica: --dead, because the experiment didn't quite work. Um, oopsie?
Experimental Subject 651: They're dead! THANK YOU GOD! You see, there is a God, and He does love us.
Guardian Hyperion: (as Shadow) OMG! THE LIQUID DROWNED THEM!
Captain Chaotica: GO LIQUIDATOR! DROWN THOSE SERTS! YEAH!
Neo the Tiger: Ohh, but then they become zombie serts that can't die.
Spiky the Fox: They couldn't die anyway.
Captain Chaotica: The Sert That Couldn't Die.
Experimental Subject 651: Even though it really desperately wanted to.
Spiky the Fox: (as Sert) *Stabs self again, and again, and again*
#pangolin: But the sert came back, the very next day...
Experimental Subject 651: They thought it was a goner, but it just wouldn't stay away...
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, but we can _inconvenience_ the heck out of them, and by "inconvenience", I'm thinking along the lines of blowtorches...nuclear reactors...very large axes...
Guardian Hyperion: Then it makes no sense for a sert to star in a suicide fic...
Neo the Tiger: Serts just wanna have fun o.o
Nyperold: The Incredibly Serty Mobians Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies.
Psyco2000: Let's go serting now, everybody's learning how, come on a sert safari with me...
a few moments they do nothing and then all of the sudden their eyes snap open. They look around for a moment before standing up. Eggman opens
Captain Chaotica: --the door and leaves before this story can drag him down any further than it already has.
Psyco2000: --one of them, to get to the chewey nougat.
Experimental Subject 651: ...up with his machinegun and gets 'em before they can talk and make us even more sick.
pangolin: --the pods and the females grow giant teeth and consume his flesh.
Nyperold: --up a new restaurant: Eggman's Sertburgers!
Neo the Tiger: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a generic sert plot?
Experimental Subject 651: Zero.
Psyco2000: None, it's right there in the open.
Captain Chaotica: WHAT plot?
Neo the Tiger: Mr Owl: one... OMG WTF *angstdies*
Spiky the Fox: XD
Captain Chaotica: Cholesterol: OMG Sodium: WTF Sugar: LOL :P
Spiky the Fox: Cholesterol... That sounds like Celestial...
Psyco2000: Celestial is bad for your health.
Experimental Subject 651: Sert Plot: Plot to inflict sertfics on the world.
Captain Chaotica: That sounds more like Dr. Forrester's evil scheme to RULE THEM ALL by showing people bad movies, actually...
Neo the Tiger: Serts, the other white meat o.o
Experimental Subject 651: She needs to be plucked first.
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, it's full of chaos energy--THAT can't be healthy...
Experimental Subject 651: And she's kinda spiny.
Psyco2000: Not to mention the meat is VERY gamey.
their tubes and three robots hand them towels. The three furries take the towels and wrap them around themselves.
Experimental Subject 651: Wait...no...oh dear God, they were nude in those tubes.
Guardian Hyperion: "...Then they tie them around their necks and choke each other unconscious."
Psyco2000: "Here, cover up. We have a G rating that we can destroy later."
Captain Chaotica: EEK! They were _naked_ all this time? Geez, Eggman, couldn't you have just sent Rouge in there to do this ALONE?
Nyperold: The towels were, of course, too small, and Shadow got an eyeful.
Neo the Tiger: Shadow is a perv. D:
Experimental Subject 651: Guess that explains why neither Rouge nor Shadow said anything after walking in.
Guardian Hyperion: It's PG-13 for a reason.
Psyco2000: Aren't most Mobian's nudists, anyway?
Experimental Subject 651: True.
Captain Chaotica: But in a sert-fic, where people will be described as sexy and falling in love, nudity DOES matter, unfortunately.
"Do they have names?" asks Shadow.
Psyco2000: (as Eggman) Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
Experimental Subject 651: Sert 1, Sert 2, and Sert 3.
Guardian Hyperion: "Serty, Sertet, and Sertarina Vancheska."
Nyperold: o/` When did she get to be a beauty? When did she grow to be so tall? Wasn't it yesterday when they were small? o/`
Captain Chaotica: No, no, Huey, Dewey, and Louie are WAY less obnoxious. And they don't have sert powers.
Neo the Tiger: Not 'til Quack Pack at least.
Captain Chaotica: And even then, only for two episodes worth, and they realised it was a horrible mistake by the end of EACH one.
Psyco2000: Ah, then, Darryl, Darryl, and Darryl.
Captain Chaotica: Larry, Darryl, and Darryl, and they're not serty either, really.
Experimental Subject 651: Brace yourselves guys, this next line's pretty bad...
.Nyperold: Even better: o/` Is this the little girl I carried... o/
The three females turn to Shadow.
Guardian Hyperion: "We're clones!"
Nyperold: GLOMP
Captain Chaotica: --WOW, how'd they learn to morph so quickly?
Spiky the Fox: Nyp: XD
Psyco2000: Or, "on" Shadow, as the case may be.
Guardian Hyperion: "... and eat him."
Psyco2000: (as Sert) Don't Worry.... We won't hurt you....
Captain Chaotica: ...MUCH!
Nyperold: ...much...
Experimental Subject 651: And then Rouge jumped them. "HE'S MINE!"
Neo the Tiger: XD @ ES
Captain Chaotica: Well, yeah, Rouge and Shadow _were_ gettin' it on earlier... Making bat-hogs. NANANANANANANA BAT-HOG! (That was my favorite riff, from the first part. :P)
Psyco2000: Yes, but Rouge agreed to that scene ONLY if it was tastefully done...
Experimental Subject 651: Actually, knowing Rouge, she might not have objected as long as she was...no, not going finish that thought.
Psyco2000: (as Serts) Ha ha ha ha..... Your costume is ridiculous....
Nyperold: o/` Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset. swiftly fly the years... o/`
"My name is Silhouette," says the female hedgehog. She is icy blue with her quills styled like Shadow's. She has black streaks on her quills, arms, and
Guardian Hyperion: ... lushious figure.
Psyco2000: Oh great, we get to hear the descriptions again...
Captain Chaotica: --eyes, which made it hard to see, not to mention painful.
Nyperold: --scleras.
Experimental Subject 651: Shadow immediately screamed "Faker!" before the description could finish and beat the living daylights out of her.
Psyco2000: I wish.
Captain Chaotica: GAH! Oh, man, I think I may have actually found people _worse_ than the Feminine Five...(a Darkwing story I was already planning to MST, by the way.)
Guardian Hyperion: (A/N OMG! I MADE AN AUTHOR'S NOTE!!!)
Experimental Subject 651: Actually, I take it back. Shadow wouldn't even have said "Faker!" He would have just yelled "Chaos Spear!" and started kicking butt and not bothering to take names.
Psyco2000: Again, I wish.
legs. The streaks on her quills are bordered with smaller white streaks. She also has black streaks on her eyes. (Like Shadow) Her eyes are a pretty
Spiky the Fox: CC is psychic! Again!
Guardian Hyperion: ... odd, since they look like she stole them from Shadow and forgot to put them in the right way.
Experimental Subject 651: ...darn ugly shade of yellow.
Captain Chaotica: --weird shade of octarine, thereby making them invisible to anybody who doesn't use magic.
Psyco2000: --shade of blue, making them appear to be invisible in front of the bluescreen.
Nyperold: Shadow's eyelids are solid black, aren't they?
Psyco2000: o/` She's got legs! And she knows how to use them...o/`
Spiky the Fox: Nyp: She means the red parts at the corners.
Nyperold: Ahh...
Captain Chaotica: Wait, she has _multiple_-coloured streaks, as if normal streaks weren't bad enough? Oh dear god.
Experimental Subject 651: Don't worry, it gets worse...
shade of blue. She is very curvy and attractive, and she has a white tuff of fur on her chest.
Captain Chaotica: Of COURSE! We can't have a NON-curvy Mary Sue!
Psyco2000: An attractive girl with a hairy chest?
Experimental Subject 651: Yup...Shadow should be screaming "Faker!" any moment now...
Sunstorm: I want to see a square girl.
pangolin: Wait, how would we know what was on her chest...? O_o
Spiky the Fox: ...How can they tell there's a tuft of fur on her chest?
Sunstorm: Because the author obviously explains it.
Nyperold: It'd be near the neck, perhaps.
Guardian Hyperion: Isn't she hidden by a towel?
Experimental Subject 651: Does that mean she doesn't have fur anywhere else?
Captain Chaotica: --just then, Criminella, Boltz, Aquatica, Trivia, and Magnolia come bursting in and say "There's only enough room in this town for FIVE over-powered, incredibly beautiful serts, thank you very much!" and proceed to start ripping the place apart with their powers and/or weapons. (shakes head rapidly) I never thought I'd say this, but I would actually PREFER the Feminine Five to these guys...at least they're not _immortal_ and ageless...
Experimental Subject 651: Or Chaos Controlling for that matter.
Captain Chaotica: That too, but only because Chaos Energy doesn't exist in the Darkwing universe. :P
Psyco2000: Actually, I'd prefer a bad bagpipe quartet playing old Bee Gees tunes to these guys, Cap'n.
Experimental Subject 651: That's pretty drastic, Psy...
Psyco2000: Drastic times, ES.
My name is Celestial," says the hedgird. Her quills are styled like Amy's. She is black with magenta streaks on her quills, arms, and legs. Her eyes are
Captain Chaotica: --perfectly normal, except for the fact that there are a hundred of them and they are scattered all over her body.
Experimental Subject 651: ...missing. They fell out.
Sunstorm: ... floating in a glass over on the table. Right by her dentures, that is.
Psyco2000: --hollow, and seem to tie Shadow's soul into a knot each time he is trapped inside their demonic glare.
Nyperold: --bloodshot from having only slept once in so many years.
Guardian Hyperion: ... commiting sepeku.
Captain Chaotica: Wait, if she's called "Celestial", shouldn't she be _white_ all over with feathery white wings and golden hair or something?
Sunstorm: CC: That's just a trick to confuse you, obviously.
Experimental Subject 651: CC: Point.
Captain Chaotica: (points)
Captain Chaotica: (rimshot)
Psyco2000: *sits by drum set* ...what?
Nyperold: Alternatively, her eyes are turned into hearts at the sight of Shadow.
Sunstorm: Nyper: Wouldn't that make quite a mess, you know, with all the blood and stuff?
Captain Chaotica: Or she goes terminally shoujo-eyed. You know, with about a BAZILLION sparkles, and little flowers spinning around her head, etc. Then the other two look at the flowers and go, "Huh?!" :P
Experimental Subject 651: Oh, did I mention this is the author's character, and therefore Sert Numero Uno?
Psyco2000: Your French is confusing me, ES.
Experimental Subject 651: Spanish, actually. Sert Number One.
Nyperold: Not this time, but we could've guessed.
Psyco2000: I know... I was being funny... and failing... *weeps*
Captain Chaotica: (pats Psyco on the back...thereby accidentally throwing him over the railing.) Um....whoopsie?
Psyco2000: *falling* We had a rai-OOF!
Sunstorm: Then a bunch of african killer bees come after the flowers and sting everyone and they all die. The end.
shaped like Rouge's and her nose is like Amy's. Her eyes are a beautiful shade of teal. She has back spikes. (A/N- I put that in there because Amy
Psyco2000: What was shaped like Rouge's?
Captain Chaotica: (as author) --is nowhere near as beautiful as MY character so I wanted to make sure she was here to look bad.
Nyperold: (as author) --was already pounding me for basing my sert so much on her.
Experimental Subject 651: AUTHOR'S NOTE! KILL EET! KILL EET!
Guardian Hyperion: What'd they do? Play Mix and Match with all these characters?
Captain Chaotica: The author used that Character Generator program! REALLY!
Guardian Hyperion: Someone must have been playing with that Make Your Own Sonic Character flash game...
Experimental Subject 651: Hey, I wonder if Rouge will scream "Faker!" too, and attack?
Sunstorm: It's Frankenstein. Sewed from pieces of canon characters that were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Like my sprite.
Psyco2000: They put all that was good and beautiful in a blender and set it on "Puree."
Captain Chaotica: And they got their brains from somebody named Abby Normal...
Sunstorm: What brains?
Captain Chaotica: Point to Sunstorm.
Sunstorm: You'd think the author would describe them if they had any. It seems to be describing everything else...
Captain Chaotica: Well, they haven't DONE anything yet. All we've gotten so far is the long, loving, sexy close-up look all up and down their bodies with the strip-tease music playing.
doesn't.) She has bird feet, and pale pink wings. She also has a magenta crescent moon and star on her chest. She is also very curvy and attractive
Psyco2000: -but you should have guessed that by now.
Experimental Subject 651: Hold up...bird feet...? That's just wrong.
Sunstorm: I can't see how are bird wings are supposed to look attractive.
Nyperold: Okay, the tuft, I can excuse.
Guardian Hyperion: Attractive for a 354 pound bird-hog who's naked maybe...
Sunstorm: Curvy, GH, curvy.
Psyco2000: --for a horrible freak.
Captain Chaotica: Pink wings? Gah. It's like, Eternal Sailor Chibi-Usa, or something...
Nyperold: But HOW are we seeing the moon and star without running into... anything else?
Spiky the Fox: This curvy attractiveness is going to be redundant, I see.
Psyco2000: The author has X-Ray ision, Nyp.
Experimental Subject 651: I'm sorry, a Mobian hedgehog with bird feet is NOT attractive. In any way, shape, or form.
Captain Chaotica: So, what's with all these symbols, is she a deck of cards?!
Sunstorm: She lacks a bullseye on her back.
Captain Chaotica: Don't tell me, she's also got pink hearts, orange stars, yellow moons, green clovers, blue diamonds and purple horseshoes, right?
Experimental Subject 651: Heh.
Nyperold: Maybe the third character will have the three of cups...
Psyco2000: No, they're blue moons now.
Captain Chaotica: BLUUUUEEE MOOOON, you saw me standing alooonneeee....without a dream in my heaarrttt....
Sunstorm: And a giant neon sign pointing to her head saying "Place bullet here."
Psyco2000: Hey, if we add Rouge and Shadow, we've got a full house! >rimshot<
Captain Chaotica: The Three of Cups? I'd be happy if the DEATH Card showed up right about now...
Experimental Subject 651: That neck tattoo...you know, the one that has a dotted line and the words "Cut Here"? Very stylish.
Sunstorm: Ooh, sounds cool...
Psyco2000: And the one on her backside that says "Wide load" isn't too bad, either.
Experimental Subject 651 joined.
Psyco2000: Clone!
Captain Chaotica: "Experimental Subject 651's clone was a beautiful, curvy maroon hedgehog-echidna fox mix, with long flowing purple hair, a white star on her fluffy chest, three tails with white tips, and blue streaks with white borders on each of her attractive back spines. She had glowing green eyes that changed colour with her mood and--" OW! Thanks for snapping me out of that, guys.
Experimental Subject 651: I'm going to kill you, CC.
Captain Chaotica: Sorry, we were talking about _clones_, and genetic experiments, so... :P
"And I'm Cinder," says the echidna. She is a maroon echidna with dreadlocks like Knuckles, a vivid red guardian symbol, and yellow eyes. Her hands are
Captain Chaotica: Cinder? I know your twin sister, Ella!
Psyco2000: o/` She's got Marty Felbman eyes....o/`
Experimental Subject 651: To repeat: ...all over Shadow.
Sunstorm: ... removed in a freak toaster accident.
Nyperold: --coarse from all that hard labor that her wicked stepmother made her do...
Sunstorm: Grah.
Captain Chaotica: GAH! I thought I was _kidding_ about the "maroon" earlier!
Nyperold: What a maroon she is, too.
Psyco2000: I'm Cinder, Cinder Block.
Experimental Subject 651: If the guardian symbol is on her chest, then...
Captain Chaotica: ...that towel obviously isn't covering all that much.
Guardian Hyperion: Then Knuckles got a sex change! GASP!
Psyco2000: ES.. I get the feeling this fic is going to go SO wrong with that...
Experimental Subject 651: I hope not. But I also think it's a vain hope.
Captain Chaotica: I think she _doesn't_ know where her towel is.
like Knuckles. She is also attractive and curvy. (She isn't as curvy as Celestial and Silhouette.)
Guardian Hyperion: Cut and Paste! STOP THE CUT AND PASTE!
Captain Chaotica: THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Sunstorm: How do you define curvyness?
Captain Chaotica: 36, 24, 36? At _least_.
Psyco2000: She had a perfect figure... 38, 38, 38.... *shot*
Captain Chaotica: Ooh, we can't have anybody having a better body than the great CELESTIAL, nooooo...I'm going to draw a square girl character someday, you just watch.
Nyperold: "Mrs. Slocomb, we do not make personal calls on company time. Nor do we contravene the Trades Descriptions Act."
Experimental Subject 651: They need to square themselves away.
Captain Chaotica: (rimshot)
Psyco2000: I get the feeling that if I hollered "HODOWN!", every female in this fic would hit the dirt...
Captain Chaotica: Hey, don't be rude to Rouge...
"I will bring you three to your room," says Eggman. "You can get dressed and then we can test your abilities." Eggman brings them to a room and opens
Captain Chaotica: --a bed and breakfast in Vermont.
Psyco2000: I thought the were going to test their abilities BEFORE the- *shot*
Sunstorm: --his own head, removing the brain.
Experimental Subject 651: That's wrong. Very wrong. Even in context that line reeks of innuendo.
Captain Chaotica: What brain? If he actually CREATED serts, on _purpose_, it's clear he left his genius behind, in _this_ story.
Nyperold: "Is it because of my... abilities?"
Captain Chaotica: EXACTLY what I was thinking of, Nyperold. :P
Experimental Subject 651: Can I start calling them TERRA now?
Captain Chaotica: No, no, Terra was nowhere NEAR this obnoxious! She had only a _couple_ powers, was not immortal or ageless, and was only sorta pretty, not super-gorgeous!
Psyco2000: Usually I have to pay a quarter a minute to read a fic like this....
it up. They walk in and get dressed. They walk out quickly.
Captain Chaotica: --They put their left feet in. They put their left feet out. They do the Hokey-Pokey and they shake it all about.
Nyperold: In bikinis.
Guardian Hyperion: 10 milliseconds, a new world record for females getting dressed.
Experimental Subject 651: So Eggman stood there with the door open and watched them do that...?
Captain Chaotica: True, it never said that he CLOSED the door, just that he opened it...
Psyco2000: You know...after all that description, we have no idea what they're wearing...
Nyperold: We can guess.
Psyco2000: That's why they dressed as quickly as possible.
Captain Chaotica: Why am I imagining either Sailor Senshi outfits here, or one of those bitsy little silk miniskirt dresses like Shampoo always wears...?
Experimental Subject 651: Don't worry, we learn what they're dressed in...in horribly descriptive detail.
Psyco2000: brb..this project deserves a drink.
Captain Chaotica: I think you NEED a drink in order to read this without going insane, actually. _Several_ drinks. Strong ones.
"Thank you for the clothes Doctor," says Celestial. She is wearing a white tube top and pale blue flared jeans. She is also wearing brown clogs and
Experimental Subject 651: See...? I told you.
Sunstorm: Of course, Robotnik just kept those around for no particular reason.
Captain Chaotica: No, those are from his high school days. He wasn't _always_ this fat...once upon a time, he was the Belle of the Prom...
Sunstorm: And a crossdresser?
Captain Chaotica: Well, yeah. :P
Nyperold: I was thinking strapless tops that show a bit of tummy, and short shorts or skirts.
Psyco2000: Ah, a bad Fanfic, luke warm Dr Pepper... Good morning...
Captain Chaotica: I was thinking things that show a _lot_ of tummy, short skirts, and probably high boots or high-heeled shoes...and lots of fancy jewelry, all of it MAGICAL.
Psyco2000: Tube tops and hot pants!
Captain Chaotica: Hot? Good. Can we set them on FIRE? (holds up a flamethrower)
Psyco2000: God, I'm a dirty, dirty man...
Captain Chaotica: Fighting evil by moonlight...winning Shadow by daylight...always running from a real fight--she is the one named SAILOR SERT!
Psyco2000: I'll get nightmares from that, Cap'n.
Captain Chaotica: I would've thought the story itself was _already_ doing that, actually...
Psyco2000: Yeah, and then you went and brought the unspeakable into it...
Captain Chaotica: Wait, Sailor Hedgehog gives you nightmares, but skinny teenaged Robotnik as the Belle of the Prom didn't? :P
Psyco2000: I already mentally blocked that one. My mind has quick reflexes.
Captain Chaotica: I wish I could mentally block this FIC.
Sunstorm: Anyone here have the game "Sin"? It's a very cool shooter.
Captain Chaotica: Oh, then, can we teleport the characters into it and shoot THEM?
Experimental Subject 651: They'd be unbeatable bosses, CC. They're serts.
Captain Chaotica: Ah. So, like, the final bosses in Final Fantasy 8, or that annoying Queen Zeal with the take-you-down-to-one-hit-point attack. Got it.
bracelets like Amy's. Her ears are pierced. She is also wearing white gloves.
Captain Chaotica: --on her feet. We never said these were SMART serts.. I also want to know why Robotnik just happened to have _earrings_ around...no, wait, scratch that, I DON'T want to know.
Psyco2000: I for one, would not mind if you skipped a bit, ES.
Nyperold: When did her ears get pierced? Was there an electrode there, or something?
Psyco2000: They're not "earrings" per sey, Cap'n...
Captain Chaotica: No, she just stuck her own claws straight through them. Ow.
Sunstorm: No, serts come with pre-pierced ears right out of the box.
Nyperold: Probably "borrowed" from Rouge.
Experimental Subject 651: Well, I feel obligated to subject you to every horrible line. Why? Because I'm also doubling as a Mad this time around.
Captain Chaotica: In that case, your name is kind of ironic. The Mads are the experimentORS, not the _experiments_...
Experimental Subject 651: That's why I said doubling. I'm a riffer too.
Captain Chaotica: I think we have _enough_ clones in here already, actually.. :P
"I love them," says Silhouette. She is wearing a white tang top, blue flared jeans, and white sneakers. She has white gloves on and she has one silver
Experimental Subject 651: ...eyeball.
Captain Chaotica: What exactly is a TANG top? She's wearing a top made out of an orange drink?!
Nyperold: Maybe you send in so many proofs of purchase, and they send you a top with the Tang logo?
Psyco2000: I love Tang!
Experimental Subject 651: Wet fur contest! WHOO! *shot*
Psyco2000: I take that back, ES is a dirty dirty man.
Experimental Subject 651: You have no idea Psy, no idea at all.
Psyco2000: Nor do I want one, ES.
Experimental Subject 651: No, you probably don't.
Captain Chaotica: They ALREADY had wet fur all this time, actually. Remember the fluid in the tubes?
bracelet, and one silver and black bracelet. Her right ear is pierced twice.
Sunstorm: She missed the first time, accidentally making a hole in her skull.
Psyco2000: They didn't get it right the first t-...crud...
Nyperold: Once from the piercing machine, and once from playing music full blast.
Psyco2000: New Serts on the Block, making ears bleed since 1998!
Experimental Subject 651: Then her skull deflated like the ballon it was.
Sunstorm: If you put your ear to it, you could hear the nothingness of the black hole inside.
Captain Chaotica: Of course, putting a hole in her head didn't _hurt_ her at all, but it did make her look kinda funny...
Experimental Subject 651: At least we know where those wires went now.
Captain Chaotica: (as Silhouette) I AM SILHOUETTE OF BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL ALL BECOME SERTY.
Experimental Subject 651: NEVAH! *brandishes the De-Selfinsertifcation gun*
Captain Chaotica: Oh, _where_ is that gun where we really need it, IN the fic...?
Nyperold: PLOT IS IRRELEVANT.
Psyco2000: Celestial: WE ACCEPT YOU! WE ACCEPT YOU! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
Captain Chaotica: YOUR CHARACTERIZATIONAL AND TECHNOLOGICAL DISTINCTIVENESS WILL BE ADAPTED TO SERVICE...US. Okay, I just got this mental image of Celestial wearing one of Seven of Nine's painted-on jumpsuits...
Psyco2000: All this world's knowledge shall be mine, Kal-el!
Experimental Subject 651: "Stay back! Stay back! You're not turning me into one of those things! I'll die first! Nha-ha-ha...They're everywhere, find your own hiding place!"[/Halo reference]
Captain Chaotica: "Why do people build things only to know that they will be destroyed?" (or whatever that line was)
Sunstorm: *acknowledges Halo reference and shoots ES in the head*
"Thanks," says Cinder. She is wearing dusty green cargo pants, an orange tee shirt with dusty green sleeves and sneakers like Knuckles but with a main
Psyco2000: CARGO PANTS!!!
Captain Chaotica: Green and orange? EEEW! Cah-LASH!
Nyperold: She's a Miami Hurricane fan!!
Captain Chaotica: "WHY would they name the team after the city's _worst_ feature?!"
Experimental Subject 651: Dusty green? Needs cleaning.
Nyperold: Dusty? Eggman, you didn't launder the sert's clothing?
Psyco2000: (as Eggman) Nah, why bother? They can will the dust off!
Experimental Subject 651: Point to Psy.
Captain Chaotica: They can (dramatic voice) CHAOS CONTROL away, leaving the dust hanging there for a second after they leave! Which seems like a pretty _extreme_ solution to laundry day, but hey...
Psyco2000: ala Bugs Bunny--or was it Road Runner?
Experimental Subject 651: Both, I think.
Captain Chaotica: (as Celestial) Meep meep! Well, she IS part bird... :P
Nyperold: Ooh, that *would* solve the question of what variety...
Psyco2000: True..true...
Experimental Subject 651: You're going to regret that riff, CC.
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, she's going to be as FAST as Sonic too on account of being part (serty) hedgehog, I know, I KNOW...
Experimental Subject 651: Oh no, it gets worse...
color of white, a black stripe, and a gray plate. She has white gloves on and she wears no bracelets.
Captain Chaotica: Color of white? What, there's more than one, now?
Sunstorm: Of course, the fact that she didn't wear any bracelets made her a freak.
Captain Chaotica: FREAK! (points and laughs at her)
Psyco2000: o/` a pair of white gloves, on a black sert, at the station...o/`
Nyperold: Y'know, you could've just not mentioned bracelets. We wouldn't have assumed they were there.
Captain Chaotica: We have no bracelets, today...
"Any time girls," says Eggman. "Now then, I am going to test your abilities." He leads them to a lab with weights, a swimming pool, and many other
Psyco2000: --"toys."
Experimental Subject 651: ...instruments of torture.
Nyperold: --torture devices.
Captain Chaotica: --serts just like themselves, then locks the door and nukes the place from orbit.
Psyco2000: That would imply Eggman is a good guy, Cap'n.
Captain Chaotica: Well, yeah, but he's obviously not acting SANE in this fic, so...
Experimental Subject 651: Eggman to robot at the Eclipse Cannon: "You may fire when ready, commander."
Sunstorm: The eclipse beam would refuse to go that near to so much sertiness. It would divert, and hopefully hit France.
Captain Chaotica: Their sheer power of beautifulcationness would DEFLECT the beam away before it gets within a mile of them.
Experimental Subject 651: Thus ruining Eggman's attempt to impersonate Emperor Palaptine.
Captain Chaotica: And if that didn't work, "they CHAOS CONTROLLED DOWN TO EARTH!!!11111oneonetwothreefourfive!"
Experimental Subject 651: No, no, it's "OMG tey usd Kahos Cntrl!!11!eleventwentynineeighteen!"
Captain Chaotica: You're right, I didn't spell it badly enough.
Experimental Subject 651: And you counted semi-correctly, too.
Psyco2000: Tis fci ish teh l337!!!
Captain Chaotica: (hangs head in shame) You're right. I am no good at copying juvenille 'net idiots...what am I saying, since when is that a BAD thing?! :P
things. (Shadow, Metal and Rouge are still with them.) Eggman leads them to a wheel-like machine. "Come here Silhouette." Silhouette walks over to
Nyperold: --the hamster cage.
Psyco2000: (Author's note: BTW, Metal is working for Robotnik this time)
Experimental Subject 651: ...Eggman, beats the living daylights out of him, the other serts, and Rouge, then kidnaps Shadow and forces the poor Ultimate Lifeform to marry her.
Psyco2000: Yeah, probably.
Captain Chaotica: --well, he WAS the Ultimate Lifeform, before THESE guys came to town...
Experimental Subject 651: CC: So true, so true. As you will see in the next line...
Nyperold: (A/N Oh, almost forgot, the other characters and Eggman are still there.) !!!11oneonetwothreefiveeightthirteen
Captain Chaotica: Ya know, if they are only like a few months old in actual chronological age, shouldn't they still have the _minds_ of babies? I mean, they should be picking up random objects and going "RATTLE! TOYS!! Wanna PLAAAYYY!!" etc.
Psyco2000: Serts, Cap'n...
Captain Chaotica: Oh, of course, how silly of me, I was using _logic_. Never mind.
Eggman and he attaches a few wires onto her. "Now step onto the track and run as fast as you can, for as long as you can."
Experimental Subject 651: You know...I don't think I want to know where he put those wires.
Psyco2000: If the theme song to Million Dollar Man starts playing, I'm quiting.
Captain Chaotica: --she then picks up SUCH a static charge that little pieces of paper start flying over to her, and when she unwisely goes to touch the metal doorknob to get out, it gives her the bad hair day of her life, and fries her brain, and then she gets electrical powers and...oh, wait. I'm thinking of a GOOD mutant-powered character.
Psyco2000: Actually, that's not a bad idea, Cap'n. *jots it down*
Captain Chaotica: That's the way Megavolt got his powers in the actual, canon episode of Darkwing Duck, Psyco, so you might want to watch out for using that in a fic.. Except he was on a treadmilll, not a cage, and he was doing an experiment. Then he was FORCED to run on it for much longer, and much faster, than he intended, and...
Psyco2000: Oooooooh yeah.... Forgot about that, Cap... thanks.
Nyperold: o/` Run, run, so fast that it hurts, you can't catch her, she's the uber-733t sert! o/`
Captain Chaotica: I don't WANT to catch her! Any more than I want to catch a bad case of pneumonia!
Experimental Subject 651: I want to catch her...and bash her head in too...
"Okay," says Silhouette. She walks onto the wheel and begins to run. She starts at a jog and quickly picks up the pace. Eggman looks at the computer
Captain Chaotica: --and starts playing Minesweeper.
Experimental Subject 651: He was reading this MST, and suddenly realized it, and then screamed: "THE FOURTH WALL! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, IT'S BROKEN!"
Nyperold: (as Eggman) W-WHAT? BSOD!
Psyco2000: --and the computer just shrugged. It wasn't reading anything at all. "What a crappy Sert" Eggman mumbled, and hit the self destruct button on Silhouette.
Captain Chaotica: --but she fried the computer with her aforementioned mutant electrical powers and oh, wait...
Experimental Subject 651: Don't give the sert ideas, CC. It might actually use them.
Psyco2000: --and reads the error message. "This sert has performed an illigal opperation and must be shut down."
Captain Chaotica: Oh, I'm sure she can ALREADY do anything she wants, with _chaos emeralds_ in her bloodstream...
Nyperold: Heh. With our luck, the static charge would make her MORE beautiful...
Captain Chaotica: Well, it did for Boltz, somehow...Or it didn't _hurt_ her already incredible beauty, anyway. At least Gigawatt is _homely_, like Megavolt...
Psyco2000: She'd have such a shocking perso-*shot*
Captain Chaotica: (as Darkwing) EVERYBODY'S attracted to your MAGNETIC personality, Silhouette! :P
Experimental Subject 651: "This Sert has performed an illegal operation. Abort? Retry? Fail?" (chants) ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!
Psyco2000: "404: Sert not found."
Captain Chaotica: "File SERT not found. Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Experimental Subject 651: Where comes this Ignore? It always said "Abort? Retry? Fail?" for me...
Nyperold: Spelling errors should be ingored.
Captain Chaotica: Ya know, I wonder what Marissa Picard would do to these chicks...
Experimental Subject 651: Nothing. They'd beat the heck out her, since they're just as bad as she is and there are more of them.
Psyco2000: Bill Gates: HAHA!! MY Serts shall rise up and conquer the world!! ... if I can get the OS working.. STUPID WINDOWS XP!!!
Captain Chaotica: (sings) I want to CHANGE THE WORLD...
screens in awe.
Captain Chaotica: Awwwww...
Psyco2000: No, awe! A-w-e.. Oooooooooh!
Captain Chaotica: I know, but it's a sort of traditional joke. :P
Nyperold: (narrator) That's AWE. Ay-double-u-eee.
Psyco2000: *watches the George of the Jungle reference shatter on the wall, after flying over everyone's heads*
Experimental Subject 651: It was the Holy Grail of Sonic Fanfiction...Sonic 3 & Knuckles by Netraptor!
Captain Chaotica: Nonono, that would be...um...well, not Sonic 3 and Knuckles.
Experimental Subject 651: Actually, if I were to say the true Holy Grail as I see it, it would be "The Great Scam" by Nowhere Man.
Captain Chaotica: And is he a Paperback Writer who lives on Penny Lane? (shot)
Experimental Subject 651: *puts away the gun*
Nyperold: Eggman's screensaver was hypnotizing him.
Captain Chaotica: I STILL say he's just playing Minesweeper. Or Solitaire.
Nyperold: Awed at the graphics, then?
Experimental Subject 651: He was watching a Halo 2 trailer.
Nyperold: "It's just like I'm actually there, marking mines on the field..."
Psyco2000: (as Eggman) Lesse... where to put City Hall....?
Experimental Subject 651: Eggman's brillant plan to beat Civilization III on Deity had backfired. The computer was now using nukes on him.
Captain Chaotica: NOBODY can beat Civilisation III on Deity. Well, not Eggman, anyway. :P
Psyco2000: I can't beat Civilization II on King...or Warlord I can't beat it at all, really.
Captain Chaotica: I can't beat ANY Civlisation on ANY setting...except Call to Power, for some reason.
She is running 2.2 times as fast as you can run Shadow," says Eggman.
Experimental Subject 651: Meep meep, CC?
Psyco2000: ( as Shadow) Poser...
Experimental Subject 651: This is gonna be one of those "Beat Up Worf" routines, isn't it? Where the serts beat up the canon characters to prove how much cooler they are...?
Nyperold: (as Shadow) Well... how fast can she hoverskate?
Psyco2000: (as Shadow:) But is she's faster than me.. she can't be the fake... nor Sonic... am I the fake? AM I THE FAKE? GRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHANGSTDIABETICCOMA!!!!!!!
Guardian Hyperion: *snickers*
"What?!" says Shadow. "That's not possible!" He looks at the screens. After an hour Sil shows no signs of fatigue what so ever.
Nyperold: That's ONE word, not THREE...
Captain Chaotica: 48 hours later, the 20 cups of double-espresso mochaberry cappucino she had drank STILL hadn't worn off, and her eyes were getting seriously bloodshot...
Nyperold: Bloodshot eyes? No way. Not unless they beautify her even more.
Captain Chaotica: I was going to say, "Of course, that didn't take away from their exotic, mysterious beauty" but I forgot. :P
Psyco2000: She's soooo cute when she's a junkie....
Experimental Subject 651: Sil...? How did CR get into this fic?
Psyco2000: Rosey in a depressing cameo.
Captain Chaotica: GAH! He'd _kill_ us if we put _him_ into this thing...
Nyperold: Silhouette. Or maybe the Silmarillion.
Experimental Subject 651: She showed no signs of fatigue because she was part of a window.
Psyco2000: What this fic needs is a giant lizard.
Captain Chaotica: Or a giant _blizzard_.
Experimental Subject 651: Somebody order a Biolizard? We're fresh out at the moment...
Captain Chaotica: You probably WISH you could get that. And I say she's _still_ hepped up on goofballs.
Psyco2000: Or Goof Troop. That show had some strange side effects.
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, but it's never been known to make ME run around the room at Mach 2 for several hours...a few _minutes_ at 400 mph, maybe...
"You can stop Silhouette," says Eggman.
Psyco2000: You can try.
Captain Chaotica: (singing) "You can fly. You can reach the other si-ide, of the rainbow..."
Nyperold: Shadow, you can stop Silhouette!!
Experimental Subject 651: So they all stood there and watched her run for an hour....?
Captain Chaotica: Man, these guys have NO lives whatsoever, do they?
Psyco2000: o/` I can fly, I can fly, I ca...ut-oh... IIEEEEEEEEEEEE-*splat!*
Experimental Subject 651: That is SO begging for an inappropriate "curvy" joke...
Captain Chaotica: And yes, I thought of the same inappropriate "curvy" joke as you did, unfortunately, Experiment :P
Nyperold: Silhouette + caffeine = SCIENCE
Captain Chaotica: "In the final stages, subject became erratic...violent...and _really_ funny to watch."
Silhouette stops and takes off the wires. She walks back to Cinder and Celestial.
Psyco2000: (as Eggman) No, Sil, wrong wires.
Nyperold: Who fell asleep, bored of watching her run.
Captain Chaotica: --and gives them the bad fur day of their LIVES from all the static she picked up off the carpet.
Experimental Subject 651: And her fellow serts disowned her, for she was not actually five times as powerful as a canon character.
Captain Chaotica: (as nature documentary narrator) "Watch how the other serts reject one that has been touched by a normal, and send her out of the pack, into the wild, to fend for herself..."
"Your turn Celestial," says Eggman.
Psyco2000: Celestial: Ut-uh, not with yo...Oh, the treadmil, oh, right right! Sure, no prob.
Nyperold: "4FT3R M3"
Captain Chaotica: "Ha ha, yes! I landed on Boardwalk and it isn't owned yet! IN! YOUR! FACE!" says Celestial.
Nyperold: Or..."B4U"
"Cool," says Celestial. The wires get attached to her and she walks onto the wheel. She begins running as fast as possible. Yet again Eggman is shocked.
Nyperold: More static charge.
Experimental Subject 651: Darn it, how many of them are going to develop electrical powers!?!
Psyco2000: Hey, he's gotta keep his fleet running SOME how! What better way than to have a bunch of serts running in treadmills?
Experimental Subject 651: It's the new clean power source: Sert Power.
Captain Chaotica: Chariots of fur...
Nyperold: Of course, she's going to hit LS, and see future events, and such...
Captain Chaotica: Man, where's Megavolt himself? We could USE an actual GOOD character in this thing...except that then we'd see how THIS author mangles him...er, nevermind.
"2 times as fast as Shadow," says Eggman. Yet again Celestial shows no signs of fatigue and her speed has yet to go down. "Okay Celestial. Cinder.
Experimental Subject 651: Well, since she was only running for a few moments, I'm not surprised she wasn't fatigued.
Captain Chaotica: Her speed has yet to go down? Does that mean she's resisting swallowing the amphetamine pill? YES! YOU CAN DO IT, CELESTIAL! _FIGHT_ THE PEER PRESSURE!
Nyperold: Cinder... probably the power character, so her speed might not be quite as much...
Captain Chaotica: With a name like THAT, she'll probably have _fire_ powers. "AND LO, THE CINDER SMOTE THE EGGMAN, AND ALL WAS LAID TO BURNINATION."
You're up."
Psyco2000: NO COMMENT!
Experimental Subject 651: And out! *gives Cinder the boot*
Nyperold: Celestial would obviously be the Flight team member, only with a lazy 8 on the flight gauge.
"Good luck Cinder," says Celestial.
Experimental Subject 651: Wait...they were raised to be pyschopathic killer assassin seductresses and they actually are nice enough to wish each other luck. Uh-uh. No.
Captain Chaotica: Well, nobody ever said they weren't POLITE psychopathic killer assassin seductresses...
Nyperold: I wonder... maybe Celestial is part cockatiel?
Psyco2000: She's probably half vulture...
Captain Chaotica: (as Launchpad) Gee, Shadow, sorry about your girlfriend turning out to be a fiendish bloodsucking creature from the netherworld...
Psyco2000: (Shadow) Bah, nickel for every time THAT's happened.
Experimental Subject 651: Not another "Rouge is a vampire" fic. They make my brain bleed, they do...
"Thanks," says Cinder. She begins to run.
Nyperold: *Chariots of Fur plays*
Captain Chaotica: I already did Chariots of Fur, actually...
Psyco2000: --right through the wall. She then ran into the sunset yelling "FREEEDOMMMM!!!"
Captain Chaotica: Yes! You can do it! ESCAPE this evil fic!
Psyco2000: o/` It's the eye of the tiger... o/`
Experimental Subject 651: "THEY'RE COMING THROUGH THE WALLS! THEY'RE COMING THROUGH THE GOD..." *shot by CC*
Captain Chaotica: (snickers) Good Babylon 5 and/or Aliens reference, there, Experiment. :P
Psyco2000: o/` They're coming to take me away ha ha, they're coming to take me away ho ho...o/`
Captain Chaotica: Hee hee, ha ha, ho ho, to the funny farm...
Psyco2000: Dr. Demento, yo!
"1.8 times as fast as Shadow," says Eggman. Yet again no fatigue is shown. "Good Cinder."
Captain Chaotica: Good Cinder! Good girl! Here, have a Scooby-snack.
Experimental Subject 651: Of course, she's only been running for a few moments, yet again, so if she'd gotten fatigued I would have been most unimpressed.
Nyperold: (Silhoutte) Turtle.
Captain Chaotica: Then the other serts mock her, knock her down and snicker-snag upon her.
Psyco2000: Celestial: You gonna cry, Cinder? Huh? You gonna cry?
Experimental Subject 651: Then they learned why you should never make fun of the "power" character on your team.
Captain Chaotica: Cinder the red-furred Mary Sue...had a very funny name...and if you ever heard it...you would say it's really lame. All of the other Mary Sues, used to laugh and call her names. They never let poor Cinder join in any serty games. (Okay, so it doesn't scan, but hey. :P)
Psyco2000: Then one crummy fanfic eve, Eggman came to say--"Cinder with your nose so bright, are you liquored up tonight?"
Captain Chaotica: You need to be liquored up to READ this, oh, wait, I already said that earlier...
"Great job Cinder!" says Silhouette.
Captain Chaotica: --sarcastically, because she couldn't BELIEVE that a sert could be so incredibly slow.
Experimental Subject 651: Once again, a pyschopathic killer assassin seductress is being nice. THAT'S CHEAP. I'M NOT BUYING IT.
Nyperold: And they should be able to swim infinitely better than Shadow. But then, so can a stone.
Captain Chaotica: Oh, they also had etiquette lessons. Somehow. While being in the tubes for a few months without any outside stimulus.
Psyco2000: I dunno, plenty of psychotic assassin seductressesesessss are polite. Remember that one episode of Duck Dodgers?
Experimental Subject 651: Only to their targets, Psy, only to their...wait...maybe their target is Cinder...? No, the serts turning on each other is too much to hope for...
Captain Chaotica: Maybe if we lock them in a room for long enough, they'll get hungry and...
Psyco2000: The three serts resort to infighting. They rear back, and ram right into each other, sending them off to a distant world. At the point of their collision, a mystical triangle was said to have been left.....
Nyperold: Besides, sert vs. sert? That'd make DBZ look tame, in terms of destructivity to surroundings...
Captain Chaotica: "And now let's go find a totally open spot with nothing at all around for miles and miles and there's nothing like that on the entire planet but it's right over there!"
"Awesome!" says Celestial.
Psyco2000: Righteous, Dude!
Experimental Subject 651: See above.
Nyperold: Radical! Whoooooa, dude!!
Psyco2000: COWABUNGA!!!!
Captain Chaotica: KEEEEEEN gear!
Psyco2000: COOOOOOL beans!
Experimental Subject 651: If she pulls out a surfboard I'm gonna choke.
Captain Chaotica: --her with it, I hope?
Experimental Subject 651: No, CC. Myself, on my popcorn.
Captain Chaotica: You have popcorn? Hey, SHARE!
Nyperold: Like, that's like totally gnarly!
Captain Chaotica: (singing) VAL-ley girl, she's a VAL-ley girl...
Psyco2000: LOL!!! Cap'n, I never thought anyone would reference Frank Zappa here.
Captain Chaotica: I reference _any_thing I know, ANYwhere.
"You guys are both faster than me!" says Cinder.
Psyco2000: (as the other two) Duh! Like, obviously!
Captain Chaotica: Fer shur!
Nyperold: (Cinder) But at least I'm faster than Shadow!!
Captain Chaotica: But according to this fic, there are ROCKS faster than Shadow.
Experimental Subject 651: Cinder suddenly looked suspicious. "What are you up to?"
Captain Chaotica: Is there anything these guys are NOT up to? Other than "being well-written", that is...
Experimental Subject 651: Being unserty, too.
Psyco2000: That is SUCH a loaded question...
"Well," says Celestial. "You're very fast for your species."
Captain Chaotica: --whatever species that IS.
Experimental Subject 651: Echidna. I think.
Captain Chaotica: Echidna mixed with something else, though. They're _all_ hybrids, aren't they?
Experimental Subject 651: Nope, just Celestial.
Captain Chaotica: Oh, wow, amazing...
Nyperold: (Celestial) We somehow know what the average is, despite being babies when we were put in that fluid junk.
Psyco2000: She's an Echidna/dryer lint mix.
Captain Chaotica: Especially after picking up all that static earlier, yeah.
Experimental Subject 651: On the other hand...her proper scientific name is Serticus Maximus Echidna.
Nyperold: We could give Celestial up for lint...
Captain Chaotica: (smacks Nyperold) BAD!
Experimental Subject 651: I'd love to.
Captain Chaotica: I'D love to give her up for all 365 daays of the year, and 366 on Leap Years...
"I think we all are," says Silhouette.
Captain Chaotica: --really stupid, pathetic, and serty.
Nyperold: Celestial is especially fast for being a hedgehog-bird mix. Of course, the other one is her mom...
Captain Chaotica: THAT must've been an interesting courtship...
Psyco2000: Soo...is it still decided that she's Shadow's kid, or did I miss that part of the meeting?
Nyperold: No. None of them are directly related to him.
Psyco2000: Vwoot!
Nyperold: He does look like the dad of one of them.
Experimental Subject 651: There is a God, and He does love us.
Psyco2000: I think I had to cash in some of my Karma for that, though, ES.
Experimental Subject 651: Probably so.
"What makes you think that?" asks Cinder.
Psyco2000: We're serts, brainless!"
Experimental Subject 651: I dunno...'cuz this is a a SERTFIC, MAYBE!?!
Nyperold: (Celestial) Because I share a name with the author, duh!
Captain Chaotica: NEVER underestimate the power of having the same name as the author...
"Look at the look on that guys face," says Silhouette. She points to Shadow. He is giving the three a death glare.
Experimental Subject 651: Shadow: "Omae o korsu!"
Nyperold: (Silhouette) He's so CUTE when he's doing Hee-- yeah.
Experimental Subject 651: (as Heero Yuy) "FAKER!"
Psyco2000: (as Shadow) I can still Chaos Control, so there! *sticks tounge out*
Nyperold: Pst, so can they.
Psyco2000: (as Shadow) ..I hate sert fics.....
Experimental Subject 651: Actually I suspect he'd like most of the ones centered on him. Then he gets the uberl33t girl. But this one, yeah, he hates it.
Psyco2000: I think we all share his pain.
Psyco2000: (as Eggman) There better be a friggin' sixpack in my trailer when this story is over...
Experimental Subject 651: *pokes CC* Do you live?
Experimental Subject 651: *silence*
Experimental Subject 651: GAH! The fic killed CC!
Psyco2000: I shall avenge! *Angle Slams the fic*
"What's wrong?" asks Celestial. "Not jealous are we?" The three laugh.
Psyco2000: (as Shadow) Laugh it up, fuzzy. At least I'll have a job when this fic is over!
Experimental Subject 651: You remember what I said about them being too nice to be pyschopathic killer assassin seductresses? I take it all back. I...TAKE...IT...ALL...BACK!!!
Nyperold: (Shadow) To think I carried you here...
Okay you three," says Eggman. "Now, as you should all know most creatures such as yourselves are afraid of water. Even Shadow can't swim. I tried to
Nyperold: --drown him, but he clung to my face.
Psyco2000: --but I found I could be used as a floatation device in case of an emergency.
Experimental Subject 651: Hey...the fic riffed a Sonic cliche! We'll do the riffing here! *smacks fic*
Psyco2000: Nah, Tails could swim, remember?
Experimental Subject 651: Yeah, but nobody else.
Psyco2000: Knux.
Nyperold: Rouge.
Experimental Subject 651: Gah, okay, okay. I give.
eliminate that fear from you three. We are going to test how well the three of you can swim." The three furries leave for a moment and come back with
Psyco2000: Inertubes and arm floaties.
Nyperold: String bikinis.
Psyco2000: I like yours better, Nyp.
Experimental Subject 651: Squirt guns, and then proceed to squirt Shadow with them.
Psyco2000: Still going with Nyp's.
Experimental Subject 651: You won't in a moment.
bathing suits on. They walk up to the edge of the pool. The pool is half a mile in length and 20 feet deep.
Experimental Subject 651: I warned you...
Psyco2000: Still going with Nyp's.
Experimental Subject 651: So's the fic.
Nyperold: Well, at least they weren't described all that well.
Experimental Subject 651: That's a blessing, I suppose.
Psyco2000: They jump in, sink like lead rakes, and drown. Fic over, good night all.
Nyperold: They could be one-pieces, in theory. Probably not, though.
Experimental Subject 651: Serts? In one-pieces? Never. And you know, they really must be twice as fast as Shadow to change that quickly.
Psyco2000: Considering the way this fic is going, I'm surprised we DIDN'T hear about how the swimsuits "complimented" their "curvy" bodies.
Experimental Subject 651: Too true...
"This'll be good," mutters Shadow.
Psyco2000: He would.
Experimental Subject 651: No Shadow. This will be bad. Very bad, for they shall pwnzor you yet again.
Psyco2000: Rouge: Shadow, honey...your mouth is open.
Experimental Subject 651: (as Shadow) She's got huge...tracts of land!
Nyperold: But, like I said, stones pwn Sonic in that department. And Shadow. And everybody except Knuckles, Tails, and Rouge.
Experimental Subject 651: And presumably Rotor, but this author appears not to deal in SatAM/Archie.
Psyco2000: Big was smart, he got an innertube and floated. And everybody says he's an idiot....
Okay," says Eggman. "You can go first Celestial. Just swim to the end of the pool and back."
Psyco2000: (as Celestial) Done!
Nyperold: (Celestial) But I just did...
Experimental Subject 651: She refused, however. She was scared of water and wanted Metal Sonic to do it first and prove it was safe.
Psyco2000: Metal Sonic rusted imediately, emotionally scarring the three females, thus sending them into years and years of therapy.
"Got it," says Celestial.
Experimental Subject 651: Then she began waving it around in the air and yelling "I got it! I got it! Nah nah nah nah!" And no, we shall not ask what "it" is.
(They decide it's time to take a break, and leave the theater.)
