MSTed by Various Weirdos at NetRaptor's Messageboard.
Original Story by Celestial Hedgird
(Edited and reformatted by Captain Chaotica!!)
PART THREE
Celestial jumps into the water and begins to swim across the water with incredible speed.
Eggman turns on waves. It barely slows the hedgird down. She
Captain Chaotica: --drowns instantly, the end. So, what's on VH1 tonight?
Experimental Subject 651: He's got a wave generator? Where did he get a wave-generator? It said
a pool, darnit! An Olypmic-spec pool...grr...they don't have wave generators...
Nyperold: They could probably do Knuckles's part of Cannon's Core without the Air
Necklace.
Silhouette swims to and back in 3 minutes and Cinder makes it to and back in 2 minutes 30
seconds. A few more tests reveal that Cinder is 2 times as
Guardian Hyperion: --serty as Silhouette.
CoiledRose: --beautiful as Sunstorm.
Captain Chaotica: --stupid as the other two.
Grishka Flame: --crazy...they swim too much.
Ampharos6000: --skinny as a bean pole.
Nyperold: --fast as light.
Experimental Subject 651: Nyp, don't give her ideas.
Ampharos6000: Heh.
Captain Chaotica: Then Eggman pulls down the drain and they're all sucked down into the
whirlpool. OH, the humanity! Er, the Mobianity!
Grishka Flame: Damn, I saw nothing good on VH1.
Experimental Subject 651: Whatever. They're serts, they won't be missed.
Captain Chaotica: I would'a said Cartoon Network, if I had thought of it in time...
strong as Knuckles, and Cel and Sil are both equal to Shadow's strength, Celestial's IQ is
equal to Eggman's (300), Silhouette can jump incredible distances
Guardian Hyperion: And then fall down bottomless pits.
.Ampharos6000: And drown in the lake.
Grishka Flame: My brains are burning from this already.
CoiledRose: ...and die on impact.
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, it never said she knew how to cut down friction from air-resistance... So
she'd BURN UP IN THE ATMOSPHERE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Experimental Subject 651: *watches the remains of the Sert Detector explode*
Nyperold: (as Cinder) You guys are wimpy. You're only as strong as SHADOW, for crying out
loud!
CoiledRose: And then discover that she was the sister of Knuckles!
Captain Chaotica: No, Knuckles' family disowned her _years_ ago.
Experimental Subject 651: I've never seen that before...the Sert Detector actually blew up
twice...
(Celestial didn't take that test because she can fly), Silhouette can use powers having to do
with ice, Celestial can use electric attacks, and Cinder can use
Captain Chaotica: --the power of LOVE.
Experimental Subject 651: Brain...hurting...
Grishka Flame: THE POWER OF CHEESE!!
CoiledRose: --powers comparable the the Ark Cannon.
Guardian Hyperion: Donuts.
Captain Chaotica: Which is a curious thing, make one man weak, make another man sing...
Guardian Hyperion: Huey Lewis and the News. Sing it CC!
Psyco2000: The powers of burnination!
Experimental Subject 651: Sertiness level is at 159 percent and rising...
Nyperold: That's a conservative estimate.
Experimental Subject 651: True, Nyp.
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, the sertiness has got to be at at LEAST 1,600 by now. Maybe you
missed a zero in your calculations, Experiment...?
Experimental Subject 651: Probably.
fire attacks.
Grishka Flame: FIRE!!!
Nyperold: Fire... uwee, hee, hee...
Experimental Subject 651: Of course, since she's named freaking CINDER!
Guardian Hyperion: Burn them all....
CoiledRose: Cinder block?
Spiky the Fox: Someone should be hit on the head with a cinder block.
Experimental Subject 651: He'd be offended by that, Spiky.
Your final test is to have a face off with Team Dark," says Eggman. "Speed versus speed or
Silhouette versus Shadow, fly versus fly or Celestial versus
Grishka Flame: --the Team with no name!
CoiledRose: --the Machine
CoiledRose: --a speeding bullet?
Ampharos6000: --a monkey.
Nyperold: --the Concorde...
Captain Chaotica: --a nuclear reactor!
Ampharos6000: --Satan.
Captain Chaotica: Nonono, she can't beat HERSELF...
Experimental Subject 651: *watches Celestial get sucked into the Concorde's afterburning
turbofan* There is a God...
CoiledRose: And Celestial beats the bullet in the race with her beauty.
Experimental Subject 651: Oh God, it IS one of those beat-up-on-Worf routines.
Rouge, and power versus power or Cinder versus Omega." Omega walks into the room.
"Let's start with speed." They walk to a fighting arena. It is huge.
Captain Chaotica: (as fighting arena) I'm HUGE!
Experimental Subject 651: This place would be great if we, like, needed to hold the Nurmberg
Rallies or something...[/Buffy quote]
Spiky the Fox: "It is huge." Only in a sentence like that could the author fail to make grammatical
errors.
"Okay. Begin!"
Grishka Flame: --TO DIE!! BLAHAHAHAHAHA!
Captain Chaotica: (They all go into their break-dancing routines)
Experimental Subject 651: *Mortal Kombat voice* FIGHT!
CoiledRose: Flawless Victory!
Captain Chaotica: FATALITY!
Ampharos6000: BRUTALITY!
Nyperold: BABALITY.
Spiky the Fox: BLISS!
Ampharos6000: ANIMALITY!
Grishka Flame: HAPPY!
Experimental Subject 651: You're gonna regret those, CR, CC...
Ampharos6000: FRIENDSHIP!
CoiledRose: Uh...why?
Experimental Subject 651: You'll see...
Nyperold: Does their Team Blast reset the universe?
Captain Chaotica: Probably.
Shadow and Silhouette get into fighting stances.
Captain Chaotica: --by standing on their heads and sticking their tongues out.
CoiledRose: And dance.
Ampharos6000: And kiss.
Ampharos6000: Since we all know they'll get married.
CoiledRose: And now that I'm dacing who cares if I ever STOP?!?!
Experimental Subject 651: And then Shadow suddenly yells "I QUIT THIS STUPID SERTFIC!" and
walks off the set.
Captain Chaotica: I WISH...
Spiky the Fox: WOO!
CoiledRose: Woah! Shadow rocks!
Nyperold: No, see, BABALITY is funny, 'cause they were babies not too long ago...
"Ready to lose?" asks Shadow.
CoiledRose: (as Silhouette) Wait, hold on...okay, now I'm ready to lose.
Experimental Subject 651: (as Silhouette) YEAH!...wait, that's not right...
Captain Chaotica: "Of course not," said Silhouette, "'cos I'm the sert, I KNOW I'll win."
CoiledRose: (as Silhouette) You seem like a decent fella. I'd hate to kill you.
CoiledRose: (as Shadow) You seem like a decent fella. I'd hate to die.
Captain Chaotica: (as Silhouette) I like you. That's why I kill you _last_.
"You wish!" says Silhouette. They circle each other for a few minutes before Shadow charges
at Sil. Sil quickly steps a few feet away and sticks her leg out.
Ampharos6000: Sticks her leg out. What's she gonna do with that leg!?
Captain Chaotica: What good that'll do her in the middle of a fight, I don't know, but hey...
Spiky the Fox: Shadow ran over it with his hoverskates and burned it to a crisp.
Experimental Subject 651: Sil? Hasn't Shadow already had a close encounter of the bad kind with
one of those window sils?
Guardian Hyperion: Well it's fake so it doesn't matter.
Grishka Flame: Matrix rip off!
Iris: Ya put your right leg in, you put your right leg out...
Captain Chaotica: You do the Hokey-Pokey and you shake it all about..
CoiledRose: What if the Hokey Pokey isn't what it's all about?
Captain Chaotica: I'd be more scared it it _was_, Rose...
Psyco2000: The author is making Shadow out to be such a moron.
Shadow falls to the ground with a crash. Silhouette picks him up by his neck and throws him
into the air. She jumps up and kicks him in the side. Shadow
ShadowRittach: --explodes.
Captain Chaotica: --walks off the set to get himself a bagel, yay the fic's over let's go.
Psyco2000: WOO!
Iris: --cries like a little girl. "I love you!"
CoiledRose: --slits his throat in mid air.
Psyco2000: --does the Hokey Pokey and tears the little wannabe limb from limb..
Nyperold: dies from touching her foot. The force merely sent him through the nearest door, like
Snively.
Captain Chaotica: Then she hits him 10 times while he's still in the air to get a mega-ultra-hyper
combo-move...
Experimental Subject 651: This is more like a DBZ ripoff, then a Matrix one.
flies into a wall and hits the ground. He stands up right when Sil lands back onto the ground.
"Is that all you got?"
CoiledRose: (as Silhouette) No, I'm just getting started.
Nyperold: (as Knuckles) HEY! That's MY line!!
Captain Chaotica: (as Shadow) Well, normally I'd be able to do a lot more, but not when YOUR
author is writing me...
Ampharos6000: (as Silhouette) Nah. I got SO MUCH more. But I'd beat you too easy, 'cause I'm
so serty.
Experimental Subject 651: (as Shadow) No. *pulls out the De-Selfinsertification Gun* Prepare to
die!
"Not even close!" shouts Shadow. "DISAPPEAR!" Chaos Spear flies at Sil. She simply sticks
her hand out. A white mist comes out of her hands and freezes
Experimental Subject 651: ...her fingers off.
Captain Chaotica: ---Hell, which is what it would take for this fic to actually be realistic.
Ampharos6000: ...her arm off.
Iris: --her face off. "Ow, my skin!"
Grishka Flame: freezes her....ICE CREAM SUNDAY!
Nyperold: It's Miss Freeze!
Captain Chaotica: It's Ice-Woman! Or possibly Storm...
Spiky the Fox: "Dissapear?"
CoiledRose: WHAT?!?!
Experimental Subject 651: Hey, Spiky's right. Isn't Shads supposed to yell "Chaos Spear?"
CoiledRose: Shadow stares in dismay.
Supertails2001: This would be so much better if there was a rampaging tarrasque in that fic.
Captain Chaotica: A rampaging ANY large monster would do, actually.
Experimental Subject 651: ST: The serts would just kill it.
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, but maybe it'd provide a nice distraction for a few seconds.
Grishka Flame: If I close my eyes this fanfic won't see me...
Supertails2001: Don't you mean that the other way around?
the attack before it hits her. The frozen energy falls to the ground and shatters into pieces.
Shadow then charges at Sil again. She moves out of the way
Captain Chaotica: --but too slowly, and he kills her the end, let's go out for doughnuts.
Ampharos6000: ...and gets run over by a truck.
Grishka Flame: --and trips on a banana!
ShadowRittach: --and trips over a rock, falling over and smashing her hip.
Supertails2001: The frozen... energy..
CoiledRose: You can't FREEZE energy.
Captain Chaotica: This author should be SHOT, I'm serious.
Experimental Subject 651: WTH...just....WTH...
CoiledRose: Why do people suck at writing? Even my killing all of you story was less serty than
this. And it was meant to be that way.
Captain Chaotica: What I want to know is who the heck built this huge arena, anyway?
but Shadow suddenly jumps into the air and swings his leg at her. It hits her in the side. She
slides a good few feet before stopping.
Iris: --and falls off the side of a building. A steam roller rolls over her. Then a marching band walks
through. They are wearing shoes with knives in the heels.
Supertails2001: She moves out of the way without watching the edge of the platform. She hangs
off - Shadow hits Down-A.. AND SHE FALLS! The announcer screams, GAME!
Ampharos6000: ...and lands in a spike pit.
Experimental Subject 651: A "good few feet?"
CoiledRose: Iris...The Naked Gun reference!
"That's it! says Sil. She does a series of back flips right into the wall. At her last flip she kicks
off of the wall with her feet. She flies straight at Shadow.
Experimental Subject 651: Not onto the wall, mind you INTO it.
Ampharos6000: And misses.
Captain Chaotica: Wait, I thought Celestial was the flying one...
Ampharos6000: Oh, wait, she's a sert. So that's impossible! Silly me!
Nyperold: Sort of like Triangle Jump + homing attack.
Supertails2001: Shadow casually steps aside, and she flies off into the distance, down into the
pit.
Captain Chaotica: These guys are ageless and immortal. SERIOUSLY. It said that in the last
part.
Ampharos6000: They're WHAT?! I hope you're joking, CC.
Captain Chaotica: Yes, really. I just about tossed my cookies all over the place, when I first read
that...
Shadow jumps out of the way. Sil then goes out of her straight position and using her
momentum she spins around quickly. She repeatedly hits Shadow in
Ampharos6000: -the crotch.
Captain Chaotica: --one tiny piece of his fur, doing no damage whatsoever.
Supertails2001: the nose, causing it to snap off (it's like the size of a twig!)
Experimental Subject 651: Hey, hold up. She never landed. So she spun and changed direction of
motion in MID-AIR...
ShadowRittach: Oh my god, she wouldn't have been able to turn around back at him if she had so
much momentum going.
Captain Chaotica: Repeatedly? How repeatedly? Is she doing the freakin' Chestnut Fist, now?
Supertails2001: MATRIX FX! Where not only do the cameras turn around, but SHE turns
around.
the stomach with her legs before she stops. Shadow is panting while Sil shows no signs of
being tired. Shadow attempts to punch Sil. She simply grabs his
Experimental Subject 651: That could be intepreted very wrongly...
Guardian Hyperion: AH! Dirty thought...
Ampharos6000: XD! Me too.
Captain Chaotica: --fur and starts to braid it.
Supertails2001: --nose and says "I got your nose, Shadow! OMGLOL KAWAII"
hand. She then twists around and slams him to the ground. She quickly jumps back a few
feet. She begins to charge a spin dash and she quickly releases
Captain Chaotica: --what remains of her fragile grip on sanity, and starts cackling madly.
Supertails2001: --the word "quickly", which was quickly used twice in the last two sentences.
Nyperold: --a homing pigeon, which flies to her mother, who finds her and takes her home.
Ampharos6000: --a horse that tramples Shadow.
Psyco2000: Wow...Shadow is getting his head handed to him.
Supertails2001: ES: I wish I could cast Wish or Miracle to make this END.
Experimental Subject 651: So do I...
as Shadow was standing. Shadow gets hit in the legs and he falls to the ground. Sil stops her
attack and turns on Shadow. "You are no challenge at all."
ShadowRittach: This is making me sick.
Ampharos6000: TURNS ON SHADOW!? O_O;;; *smacks himself over the head a bunch of
times* BAD IMAGE!!
Captain Chaotica: So, she was standing on top of him, and turned around? :P
Shadow struggles to stand. He was panting heavily. Still Silhouette shows no signs of fatigue.
"CHAOS CONTROL!" Sil closes her eyes and does a windmill.
Captain Chaotica: --although why she thought that grinding grain was a good idea right now is
beyond me...
Supertails2001: Then the anti-sert police showed up. "IT'S THE COPPERS!" she cried. Off she
ran, and then ES stepped out of the car and personally shot her. She simply vanished, having
nothing left after the sertness vanished.
Ampharos6000: *As Sil* Have a blowy day!
Experimental Subject 651: She...what now?
Supertails2001: OH, I get it...she was standing in front of a windmill.
Grishka Flame: Oooh. Never thought of that.
Supertails2001: Then one of the blades grabbed her by the shirt and now she's hanging in the
air.
Experimental Subject 651: I've heard of windmilling, as a move, but that's just randomly punching
at someone...
(from Sonic Battle) Shadow gets hit in the neck while warping. He falls out of the warp and hits
the ground. He attempts to get up. Sil then kicks him in the
Captain Chaotica: --eardrum!
Nyperold: face!
Iris: -Liver!
Grishka Flame: --SPLEEN!
ShadowRittach: --small intestine.. .
Supertails2001: same patch of fur she was hitting before.
Ampharos6000: -fingernail.
Experimental Subject 651: Hovershoe. Unfortunately, the shoe was on at the time.
Captain Chaotica: WINDMILL'D! (as Shadow) Ooowww, my fur!
Nyperold: (SHADOW) I need to be kicked in the face! (SILHOUETTE) I can do it! I will do it nine
times!
Experimental Subject 651: Who is she copying? Whose move was that?
Captain Chaotica: (as Shadow) Listen, Silhouette, only ONE of us is goinna leave this place alive,
and it's NOT gonna be ME! Er, wait a minute...
Experimental Subject 651: Hey, wait a minute...they just did something good...I don't believe
it...they hit somebody in the middle of a special attack sequence...that's like...wow...actually...kinda
cool...
Nyperold: OOh, well, yeah, that aspect of it is.
Captain Chaotica: Well, it WOULD have been cool, if it wasn't a SERT doing it...
Experimental Subject 651: But the rest of it is still crud.
Supertails2001: The sudden discharge of wild Chaos energy caused her to become electrified.
Her screams of pain were cut off suddenly as the warp reactivated without a destination, sucking
her into nowhere.
head. He drags across the ground making long scratch marks from his quills. Sil then picks
him up again. She tosses him into the wall. He uses the wall to
Experimental Subject 651: Escape from the fic. Never mind how.
Captain Chaotica: --hit Silhouette over the head with.
Supertails2001: --kill the sert. By hitting it in a key weak point that was cleverly placed, he caused it
to fall over, killing him and Sil instantly. He considered it a heroic sacrifice.
Ampharos6000: ...guys, I literally just threw up. That's...a little...freaky.
Experimental Subject 651: Not really. Understandable reaction.
ShadowRittach: If you threw up, why did you take the time to type out that you threw up?
Captain Chaotica: I think this thing is about ready to make my head explode, like what's always
happening to poor Tom Servo...
Grishka Flame: Poor Tom Servo ;-;
get up. Sil then kicks him in the ribs. She hears a crack as she breaks a few bones. He cries
out and grabs his side. Sil then kicks Shadow and he falls to the
Supertails2001: --sky!
Captain Chaotica: --VAT OF BOILING SHARKS!
Ampharos6000: -bottomless pit and dies.
Ampharos6000: CC, how can sharks boil?
Guardian Hyperion: Bed of spikes and dies instantly.
Captain Chaotica: That's an "Adventurers' reference, guys, don't ask ME about the boiling
sharks...
Experimental Subject 651: But then Shadow laughed and said "Yeah, you're serty, but can you
save your game? Didn't think so!"
Experimental Subject 651: *Shadow restores to his last savegame and kills them all as kids*
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, all he's gotta do is pull the plug, really. WHOO-HOO!
Experimental Subject 651: This...this actually exceeds even the sertiness of Blood and
Metal...
Captain Chaotica: AND the entire Marissa Picard series, as a whole. AND the Oscar stories...
Iris: I can immagine the first thing after the fight: "I love you, Sil." "I love you too, Shadow."
"Give up?" asks Sil.
Captain Chaotica: (as Shadow) NEVER!!
Ampharos6000: *As Shadow* NEVAAAAH! (pause) Darn you, CC!
Psyco2000: o/` if ever oh ever a sert there was, the sert of Silhouette is one because... because
because becaus because because.... because of the craptastic things she does....o/`
Experimental Subject 651: I thought I knew horror...terror...I thought it couldn't possibly get worse
then Davey-Kins...I was wrong.
Supertails2001: Shadow's Player: This game sucks. The AI cheats! *turns it off* // Shadow:
merciful relief...
Captain Chaotica: These guys are immortal, ageless, somehow have full adult-level education
even though they were grown in vats in just a few months, are INCREDIBLY beautiful, faster,
stronger, and more powerful than all the canon characters, AND have special elemental powers
on top of that. Forget throwing up, I may just _kill_ myself to get this story out of my head.
BLARGH!
Grishka Flame: My brain is melting AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Experimental Subject 651: Celestial is the embodiment of evil. Not the spawn of Satan...but Satan
in the flesh...
Captain Chaotica: That's what I said earlier, Experiment. Somebody said she could defeat Satan,
and I'm like, "No, why would she want to fight herself?"
Experimental Subject 651: Maybe, but you were half-joking at the time.. .
Captain Chaotica: No I wasn't.
Psyco2000: She got kicked out of hell for the same reasons Satan was kicked out of
Heaven.
Captain Chaotica: They figured that being around her was too much torment even for the BAD
souls to have to suffer with...
"Great job Silhouette," says Eggman.
Nyperold: (Eggman) I knew there was more to you than meets the eye... and that's saying
something!
Ampharos6000: *As Sonic* Jeez, 'Buttnik's reached an ALL TIME low!
Supertails2001: Silhouette, in a fit of rage, killed Eggman as well. Then herself, like all psychos
do.
Experimental Subject 651: You know, for a guy who's created not one, but THREE beings that
could kill him faster then it took to form the thought, he's awfully calm about this.
Grishka Flame: At least they're not Body Snatchers.. .
Nyperold: Not created... grown. He had them kidnapped as infants.
Captain Chaotica: I know! Why is he deliberately _creating_ serts, anyway? Shouldn't he know by
now, from all the other bad fanfics he's been in, that serts are a BAD IDEA...?
Nyperold: Shadow's probably regretting doing the job.
Supertails2001: Then she'll turn to the side of good later on I bet.
Captain Chaotica: Of course! So they can marry their canon counterparts!
Supertails2001: But there's a problem with changing to a side that hates you...
"Didn't even break a sweat," says Silhouette. She walks up to Celestial. They give each other
a high five.
Ampharos6000: ...didn't even.. AAAARGH!
Supertails2001: Your defense is automatically 0 when attacked by a party member. :D
Ampharos6000: *smashes his head against the wall*
Captain Chaotica: Your head a splode. (sorry, couldn't resist...)
Experimental Subject 651: Hey, lookie! The author is trying to convince us that they aren't
pyschotic assassins! Who here believes that?
Grishka Flame: Not me.
Captain Chaotica: (crickets chirp)
Captain Chaotica: (a tumbleweed blows by)
Grishka Flame: *wind blows*
Nyperold: *cicadas*
Experimental Subject 651: *looks at the crickets* They believe it! GET THEM! *stomps the
crickets to death*
Captain Chaotica: Okay, but what did Buddy Holly's band _do_ to deserve being attacked,
anyway? (rimshot)
"Great fight," says Celestial.
Supertails2001: Shadow: BURN IN HELL, SIL! // Sil: Been there, done that. Nice place.
Experimental Subject 651: That wasn't a fight. That was a freakin' MASSACRE.
Captain Chaotica: It wasn't even that. Didn't go on long enough to be a proper massacre.
Grishka Flame: ---as they go for THE BATHROOM!
Ampharos6000: Wait, do these serts even go to the bathroom? Wouldn't surprise me if they
didn't...
Experimental Subject 651: Only for bad-thought-type scenes, Ampharos.
Ampharos6000: Great fight? She PWNED Shadow! And I LIKE Shadow!
Grishka Flame: I do too.
"I'm sure yours will be just as good," says Sil.
Captain Chaotica: "Of course!" says Celestial. "After all, the author IS on OUR side!"
ShadowRittach: Well, you know, no cartoon/video game/t.v. characters go to the bathroom. So
serts are well above that.
Experimental Subject 651: Actually, I remember Spike going to the bathroom, or saying he was,
once on Cowboy Bebop.
Captain Chaotica: Faye got stuck in there once when she was drugged out of her skull on those
mushrooms...and we see a bathroom in the enemy base in FFVI. But anyway.
"Thanks," says Cel.
Experimental Subject 651: When did DBZ get into this?
Nyperold: Cel Shading? Perfect Cel?
Captain Chaotica: I HOPE not.
Experimental Subject 651: I'd say that was funny, Nyp, but she probably is.
Captain Chaotica: Can we bring Perfect Chaos into this and see what happens? Please please
please?
Grishka Flame: (as Cel) I will then take the life force of Android 17 and 18! wait wrong fic
*shot*
Ampharos6000: *fetches a HUGE army of Pokémon.* Let's see how she fares against
THESE!
Captain Chaotica: She can't be killed, remember?
Shadow slowly gets up and walks into the viewing room.
Ampharos6000: The movie theatre?
Captain Chaotica: --not through the door, mind you, INTO the room.
Supertails2001: Everybody say, "HI, SHADOW!"
Ampharos6000: HI, SHADOW!
Supertails2001: He just walked through the fourth wall, it seems.
Experimental Subject 651: Shadow can still WALK? Shouldn't they be calling the frickin'
ambulance for Shadow right now...?
Grishka Flame: --All the Fangirls then pounce Shadow and he falls over saying "My spleen.."
ShadowRittach: Seriously man, she broke his ribs...
Grishka Flame: He would have a hard time breathing.
Captain Chaotica: I got the impression that he didn't _have_ a single unbroken bone in his body, by
this point...
Ampharos6000: Heh, me too.
Experimental Subject 651: They only mentioned a few ribs, but you could draw that conclusion.
Nyperold: (as Shadow) Oooogh... I'm going to be feeling that in the morning... Oh wait... I'm
feeling it NOW...
ShadowRittach: God, first he's made out to be a clumsy weakling, then he can still walk and act all
casual when she just broke every bone in his body.. O_o
"Celestial and Rouge," says Eggman. "You're up."
Captain Chaotica: (as Eggman) "--in the air. This is gonna be an airplane battle; hope you don't
mind."
Experimental Subject 651: (as Rouge) What's the point? We already know she's serty as all
heck.
Captain Chaotica: (as Rouge) Nuh-uh, I SAW what happened to Shadow out there! YOU fight her!
(pushes Eggman into the ring)
Rouge looks at Celestial and gulps. If she's anything like Silhouette when fighting she didn't
stand a chance.
Supertails2001: Select Run, Rouge!
Experimental Subject 651: *blinks HARD* Rouge would never, EVER show fear like that.
Nyperold: ROUGE: H-here I come...? Get ready... you know... *gulp* if you want to...
Supertails2001: Rouge is a Thief.. She can use Escape!
Captain Chaotica: Or Backstab. Or Climb Walls. Or Hide in Shadows, or...I'm thinking of D&D
here, not FFXI. :P
Supertails2001: Not FFXI. FF_III_ :D
Captain Chaotica: (as Rouge,singing) HERE I come to save the DAAAAYYY...Mighty Bat is on her
WAAAYYYY!
Grishka Flame: Mighty Mouse: *sues Rouge*
Experimental Subject 651: That's so out-of-character...it's...it's a violation of the Geneva
Conventions! ARREST THE AUTHOR FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY!
Captain Chaotica: Rouge uses Steal on Celestial!
Captain Chaotica: Got Slutty Outfit!
Captain Chaotica: Celestial became Birthdaysuit!
Ampharos6000: You mean it wasn't already, CC?
Experimental Subject 651: FFVI!
Supertails2001: FFVI REFERENCE!
Captain Chaotica: I mean, she obtained a _second_ slutty outfit, from Celestial.
Experimental Subject 651: Rouge used steal! Rouge stole Serty Powers!
Experimental Subject 651: Rouge pwnzored Celestial!
Ampharos6000: That'd be awesome.
Grishka Flame: YAY!
Sonicsamus23: Rouge summons Bahamut!
Captain Chaotica: Thou hast done well in defeating the Celestial the Hedgeird. Thy experience
increases by Infinity. Thy gold increases by Infinity -1.
Experimental Subject 651: Rouge: I'm godlike now. Cool. Time to go get that Emerald.
Sonicsamus23: *Battle victory music*
Captain Chaotica: (sings the Final Fantasy victory fanfare) Da da da da, da, da, DA da daaaa!
"No way," says Rouge.
Captain Chaotica: "Way!" says Celestial, ever mature.
Experimental Subject 651: (as Rouge) "Even though I have physically displayed fear, which I'd
never actually do, and this is just so serty I haven't got a chance."
Ampharos6000: Wait. CC SINGS?! O_O;;
Captain Chaotica: I sing all the time, doofus!
"Begin...now!" calls Eggman's voice.
Ampharos6000: PKMN Trainer CC sent out Rouge! PKMN Trainer Chris sent out Celestial!
One-hit KO! Rouge fainted!
Grishka Flame: AWWWW!!
Captain Chaotica: I'm a Pokemon trainer? Since when did THAT happen?
Supertails2001: (as Celestial) I out-fight you, I out-sert you... heck, I even
out-hormonal-teen-male-attract you. I'm PE- uhhh.. *dies* Rouge: *carefully removes dagger*
Captain Chaotica: That would RULE. Too bad it won't actually happen...
Supertails2001: Yeah. That'd be too IC for them.
Experimental Subject 651: Prepare yourselves for another horrible fight scene, folks.
Celestial instantly dashes towards Rouge. She is too fast for Rouge to see so she just
repeatedly attacks her. Rouge throws Dummy Bomb Rings all around
Nyperold: Rouge has the flying bat balloon mines!
Captain Chaotica: She used _dummy_ bombs, to make a little comment about what she thought
of Celestial's intelligence...
Iris: -Celestial sees the rings. "Shiiiineyyyyyyyy....."
Ampharos6000: Cel, being as dumb as she is, picks one up.
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, grab them, Celestial, grab them, yes!
Experimental Subject 651: Then charges into one of them, blows herself to bits, and achieves that
wonderful state known as Being Out Of The Fic.
Grishka Flame: -----and things go BOOM!
Ampharos6000: Too fast for Rouge to see...(as Sonic) HEY, that's MY shtick!
Supertails2001: Pronoun confusion! *brain bleeds*
Captain Chaotica: "Too fast for the naked eye..."
Supertails2001: Celestial: And speaking of naked, heh heh... // Rouge: STOP BREATHING!
CoiledRose: I return from my 1 am shower. Hm...this fight still going on?
Captain Chaotica: The second fight, actually, but you're essentially right.
her. Celestial stops her attacks. She throws her shoes off so she can attack with her talons.
She flies into the air and beats her wings quickly. The force of
Grishka Flame: ----A THOUSAND......shoes!>br>
Captain Chaotica: --her Jedi powers quickly burns Cel to a crisp, the end.
Experimental Subject 651: Wait up? How did Rouge throw the rings around Celestial if she
couldn't see the SERT!?!
Supertails2001: Then... IT DEGENERATED INTO A CATFIGHT.
the wind blows the rings away. Celestial begins her flurry of attacks again. After a few minutes
Rouge has several cuts and is panting heavily. She closes
Ampharos6000: --her mouth.
Nyperold: her teeth on the tablet in her mouth.
Supertails2001: --the browser window. "God that was an awful fic."
Captain Chaotica: --her store and goes home for the night.
CoiledRose: The wind...blows the rings...away...
her eyes and listens. She hears Celestial coming towards her. She swings her leg as hard as
she can in Celestial's direction. When she doesn't feel her leg
Supertails2001: --she realizes that it was just a bad dream, and that she fell asleep with her leg
folded under her.
Ampharos6000: Wouldn't that hurt?
Captain Chaotica: (as Rouge) I can't remember my legs!
Ampharos6000: *As Rouge* Oh no! Where'd my leg goooo!
CoiledRose: Lemme guess. Cel cuts off her legs.
Grishka Flame: (as Rouge) My leg went to Japan!
moving anymore she opens her eyes and sees that Celestial is holding Rouge's leg.
CoiledRose: and it is severed from Rouge's body!
Grishka Flame: (as Cel) *puts salt on her leg*
Captain Chaotica: (as Rouge) Get off me, ya weirdo!
Experimental Subject 651: Rouge thinks in third person suddenly?
Captain Chaotica: Rouge has been hit upside the head a little TOO hard, methinks...
"Is that the best you got?" asks Celestial. She begins to spin while holding Rouge's leg. After a
few moments Celestial lets go of Rouge. Rouge goes flying
Ampharos6000: --into the wall and dies.
CoiledRose: --into the vortex of reality.
Captain Chaotica: --in a plane, but quickly crashes it as she has no idea how to land, the end.
Ampharos6000: Anything to make this go faster!
Supertails2001: CC: What plane? Elemental Plane of Fire?
Captain Chaotica: The...Ethereal Plane. There.
Supertails2001: Yes that works.
Grishka Flame: ---and crash-landed into the Ice Cream truck and starts to eat.
CoiledRose: The ice cream truck an a freezer that freezes energy.
Experimental Subject 651: --and flies off into the sunset. Then she brings back the most powerful
force that exsists in the Sonicverse...Sega's Copyright Lawyers.
Supertails2001: They were ALREADY flying, weren't they?
Sonicsamus23: (as Rouge) --Waaaiiit a minute...what's that rumbling....? *a bunch of F-Zero
Machines suddenly fly past at almost 1600 KPH, running over Cel*
Ampharos6000: But she survived.
Grishka Flame: YAY!
Ampharos6000: Obviously.
Grishka Flame: Booo.
Captain Chaotica: So, Celestial is doing the Goodbye Whirl, essentially?
into a wall. Luckily she turns herself around and her feet hit the wall. As she hits it she pushes
against the wall and is sent at Celestial. Celestial ducks
Captain Chaotica: (as Celestial) QUACK!
Grishka Flame: (as Duck) That's MY line!
Supertails2001: And then.. for a change of pace.. SHE GOOSES.
Captain Chaotica: Gooses? Who, Rouge? Nah, let's keep this at a G-rating... :P
Nyperold: HEY!! A duck! So THAT'S what kind of bird she is!
Supertails2001: Celestial ducks trotted across the arena, sent from the Plane of Lawful Good to
change this fic.
Captain Chaotica: And she weighs the same as a duck, which must mean she's a witch! BURN
HER! BURN THE WITCH!
Grishka Flame: "She turned me into a NEWT!
Captain Chaotica: "I got better!"
under Rouge and then flies into the air ahead of Rouge. As Rouge is below her Celestial spins
around quickly and drops to the ground. She hits Rouge in
Ampharos6000: --the toenail.
Captain Chaotica: --a tiny piece of her fur and goes flying straight past, into the opposite wall.
CoiledRose: --the groin.
Experimental Subject 651: Which didn't bother her much, since Rouge is female, CR.
the back and sinks her talons deep into Rouge's skin. Rouge hits the ground hard and blood
begins pouring from her back. The blood loss is beginning to
Captain Chaotica: --make her pass out, so she prays for it to happen faster.
Experimental Subject 651: *stares at the fic for long moments* I...am...going...to...KILL THIS
AUTHOR! *leaps at the screen*
Supertails2001: FIGHT SCENE!
Captain Chaotica: And then Rouge attacks her with...a BOWL OF RASPBERRIES!
Ampharos6000: Nah, strawberries are better.
make Rouge weak. She attempts to stand and falls. "Let me help you." Celestial picks her up
by the neck. She throws Rouge into the air. "THUNDER
Supertails2001: --CATS, HOO!!"
Experimental Subject 651: ...CLAPS!" And then Sailor Jupiter ran in and beat the crud out of
Celestial for stealing her attack.
CoiledRose: --birds? No?
Ampharos6000: Thunder: Yeeeees?
Iris: -*lightnig strikes Cel*
Captain Chaotica: (as Celestial) EAT WATTAGE, WORM! Oh, wait, I'm confusing her with a
_good_ electrical-powered character, nevermind...
CoiledRose: I don't know...but this whole scenario in the fic is kinda making me laugh.
Captain Chaotica: All of this was starting to make Rouge really depressed... (as Rouge) The
world is a dark and lonely place...SHI-SHI HOKODAN!
CoiledRose: I'm sorry...but Rouge would totally own this *****. Stuff like this pisses me off.
Ampharos6000: Shi-shi? I thought it was Shikko or something like that.
Experimental Subject 651: All in favor of just skipping this pointless Rouge-abuse and going to the
Omega fight, say aye. Aye.
Ampharos6000: Aye!
Exabyte256: Aye.
Iris: --my raven.
Supertails2001: Nose.
Nyperold: Throat.
Captain Chaotica: Hair!
CoiledRose: Not aye. This is getting humorous.
Captain Chaotica: How much longer IS this fight, anyway?
Experimental Subject 651: A few more lines, two or three. Then there's one with Omega.
Captain Chaotica: Oh, let's just finish her--I mean, it, off, then...
Supertails2001: You're so cruel CC. XD
STRIKE!" Bolts of lightning shoot from the ceiling. One hits Rouge. She screams loudly before
falling to the ground. Before she hits the ground Celestial
Supertails2001: --wonders why she's about to hit the ground.
Iris: --pulls out a bloody scythe. "Die, mortals!"
Ampharos6000: --gets struck by the lightning.
Captain Chaotica: --gets distracted, so she throws herself at the ground and misses.
CoiledRose: Now I want to skip it. I like Rouge, and as funny as the violence is, this is really getting
on my nerves.
Captain Chaotica: (as Lum) You stole my attack! DA-CHA!
Experimental Subject 651: *muttering* I'm going to kill THIS author...yessss...I'm going to get all
the Rouge-related fanclubs I can find on DA and have them hunt you down...
swings a powerful kick at her. It hits Rouge's chest and she flies towards the wall. Celestial
runs ahead and kicks her again. Celestial begins repeatedly
Captain Chaotica: --playing Connect Four, for no apparent reason.
Supertails2001: Imagine what Eggman told Celestial when she was little. "And remember, if you
overuse your powers, you're grounded!"
Captain Chaotica: (rimshot)
Ampharos6000: Celestial begins repeatedly? Is that even proper ENGLISH?
CoiledRose: Ow...that must hurt. Especially ROUGE. I don't even want to KNOW what she did to
Shadow!
Captain Chaotica: It was Silhouette who fought Shadow, and actually he came out of this BETTER
than Rouge. No actual blood mentioned, anyway.
CoiledRose: I swear to God, if Omega falls in love with any of the characters in the middle of the
fight...uuuugggghhh!
Supertails2001: Celestial and Silhouette played a game called "Catch a Lightning Bolt". Cel would
use her powers, and Sil would try to freeze the electricity. Unfortunately nobody ever missed.
whacking Rouge around the room. She finishes with a strong kick. Rouge flies into a metal
wall and makes a huge dent. Celestial walks over to her and
CoiledRose: - -kisses the boo boo.
Ampharos6000: -blows her head off with a machine gun. ANYTHING to make this go by
faster.
Captain Chaotica: --says "I'm really sorry, dudette, but the author _made_ me do it. Pick you up at
12:00 tomorrow for lunch, same as always?"
Nyperold: --shakes Rouge's limp arm.
Captain Chaotica: --and then reattaches it to her body.
picks up Rouge's bloody body. She brings it into Eggman. "What should I do with this pathetic
excuse for a living being?"
Experimental Subject 651: *stares*
Ampharos6000: (as Robotnik) I don't think it's quite ALIVE anymore...
CoiledRose: DOT DOT FREAKIN DOT
Experimental Subject 651: *breaks out the bricks and starts passing them around* On three, we
throw them....
Captain Chaotica: (as Eggman) Take it to the hospital; we can' t afford her insurance bills!
Experimental Subject 651: One...two...three! *Throws bricks*
Captain Chaotica: (throws)
Ampharos6000: *uses Thunder and throws the brick*
Bring her into the healing center," says Eggman. "Excellent fight by the way."
Ampharos6000: Excellent fight! He must hate Rouge.
Exabyte256: It was a bit one sided to be called a fight.
Captain Chaotica: (reverses Celestial's polarity so that she gets stuck to the metal wall and can't
move. Bwahahaha.)
CoiledRose: How does one keep their sanity stable after witnessing that?
Experimental Subject 651: That wasn't a fight! That was too one-sided to even be a frickin'
massacre!
Supertails2001: The sert-o-generator has generated enough power to keep NYC running for a
week.
Guardian Hyperion: Lies ST! It can power all of Japan and Las Vegas.
Captain Chaotica: Who says I'm stable? WHEEE, hee hee hee! (dances around on her head)
Blibble-blibble-bloo! REEE-aaaw REEE-aww REEE-aww! Damn the torpedoes, Cap'n, there's a
sea-serpent coming in! WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!
Experimental Subject 651: ST, it's generated enough power to keep the SUN running for one
week.
Ampharos6000: To keep the sun running for a year!
Captain Chaotica: To keep the freaking UNIVERSE running for a year, actually.
"Thank you," says Celestial. She walks out of the room.
Captain Chaotica: --and into HER DOOM!
Experimental Subject 651: --and left Rouge bleeding on the floor. Eggman triggered Celestial's
self-destruct, as she had disobeyed a direct order.
"Are you sure that they're safe?' asks Shadow. "Celestial almost killed Rouge."
CoiledRose: Finally, someone understands!
Guardian Hyperion: No Shadow it isn't. Not until the author is deleted.
Ampharos6000: No crap, Shadow.
Captain Chaotica: Of COURSE they're not SAFE, you flipping idiot!
Experimental Subject 651: It's everyone else who should be worried.
CoiledRose: They wouldn't be safe if you put me in a room with them.
Ampharos6000: *kicks Shadow...or at least tries to*
Captain Chaotica: I'm still wondering how the heck Shadow is conscious, at this point...
RealBigNUKE: He isn't. He's brain dead, but standing up.
Ampharos6000: I'm wondering how he's still ALIVE.
CoiledRose: I'm still wondering why fics like these are still legal at this point.
"That is part of their programming," says Eggman. "They are designed to kill and to win at all
costs. They may seem sweet here, but you wouldn't want to
RealBigNUKE: --eat them or anything. Big health hazard.
Nyperold: --meet them in a dark alleyway...
Supertails2001: --find them in an icecream truck.
Experimental Subject 651: Sweet?!? WTF are you smoking, buddy, and where do I get
some!?
CoiledRose: I'm at a loss for words at this line.
Ampharos6000: SWEET!?
CoiledRose: (as Surfer Eggman) They seem totally SWEET here!
RealBigNUKE: DUDE!
Ampharos6000: Righteous!
Experimental Subject 651: Awwwesome...
meet them on the battlefield. When fighting they become ruthless. They don't even flinch
slightly at blood, and they don't mind killing. It's natural to them.
Captain Chaotica: They're basically Terminators! But, unkillable. Gah. (as Cel) AH'LL BE
BEHK...
Ampharos6000: What kind of a sicko IS Robotnik!?
RealBigNUKE: I sat them in a dark room and poked them going 'nyah nyah nyah' all day, They're
NUTS.
Supertails2001: Unfortunately, they got dropped on their heads at birth, so their programming may
screw up.
Ampharos6000: *tries to attack the screen but is held back*
Captain Chaotica: I'M not holding you back, Ampharos. Go for it.
Ampharos6000: *uses Zap Cannon on the screen in a fit of rage*
Cinder and Omega. You're up."
CoiledRose: Omega stepped up to the plate. The count was 2 and 2...bases were loaded. Two
outs...
Nyperold: Omega's going to be the cinder...
Ampharos6000: OWN HER, Omega! You can do eeeeet!
Supertails2001: Cinder winds up...
Captain Chaotica: But Casey, mighty Casey, had struck...out.
CoiledRose: The ball hits Omega and kills him...why am I not surprised?
Experimental Subject 651: Omega: Probablity of survival is .0000000000000000000000001. I
refuse.
.CoiledRose: (as C-3P0) The chances of successfully navigating through an asteroid field is 725
to 1.
Captain Chaotica: (as Han Solo) NEVER tell me the odds!
Experimental Subject 651: (as Omega) Probablity I am in character...infintesimal.
"This'll be fun," says Cinder.
Ampharos6000: *DUN DUN DUN*
Captain Chaotica: Fun for WHOM, exactly?
Nyperold: (as Cinder) Except that I don't get a chance to spill blood. That bites.
Celestial comes back in. "Kick that robot's ass Cinder!"
CoiledRose: Robots don't have asses.
Ampharos6000: At least Omega doesn't.
Captain Chaotica: KICK THAT ROBOT'S BOOT DRIVE!
CoiledRose: Woah...check out the circuts on that one!
Captain Chaotica: Get a load of that RAM configuration! Hubba hubba!
Experimental Subject 651: This has qualified for R by now, don't you think?
Ampharos6000: Easily...
ShadowRittach: I'd say yes by the extreme violence.
Experimental Subject 651: I'm gonna report this POS...
Captain Chaotica: And we haven't even _gotten_ to the part with the sweet Mary Sue lovin', yet.
Which we all know IS going to happen.
"Take no prisoners!" shouts Silhouette.
Ampharos6000: ...I hate that line..or at least NOW I do.
Supertails2001: Wait.. why would they take prisoners...
Experimental Subject 651: She's a psychotic assassin. She NEVER takes prisoners.
Captain Chaotica: What prisoners? THEY'RE DEAD! THEY'RE ALL DEAD, DAVE,
EVERYBODY'S _DEAD_, DAVE!
Exabyte256: "What, everybody?"
CoiledRose: Everybody!
Exabyte256: "Are you telling me, everybody's dead?"
Cinder gets into a fighting stance. "When I'm finished with you, you'll be nothing more than a
heap of scrap metal."
Supertails2001: (as Omega) I'm finished with you already. I quit. *stalks off*
Guardian Hyperion: This fic is a sin.
Captain Chaotica: (singing) It's a sin...for everything I long to do...
Psyco2000: Hey! I think my connection is finally working right!
Captain Chaotica: There's five of you here already, Psyco, so we're gonna have to charge you six
times the admission.
CoiledRose: So what? Are they all just going to replace Team Dark? This is stupid.
Supertails2001: Team Dark? TEAM DARK? More like TEAM DORK!
"Prepare to be annihilated!" says Omega in a monotone.
Supertails2001: Look--Omega's bored.
RealBigNUKE: Oh noes! Monotone!
CoiledRose: Switch to stereo.
RealBigNUKE: Oh wait, nevermind, this whole thing's been monotonous.
Experimental Subject 651: Well, you gotta give him credit. He's gonna die like a
man...err...robot...
Captain Chaotica: Omega is going goth. That's why he never puts any expression in his voice
anymore.
CoiledRose: So...goths were just going for the robot look the whole time?
Cinder cracks her knuckles.
Experimental Subject 651: (as Knuckles) OWW!
Nyperold: Har har, ES651.
Ampharos6000: *As Cinder* AAARGH, my knuckles!
Captain Chaotica: Then Cinder shakes her broken hands and wonders WHY the heck she just did
that...
Experimental Subject 651: She realized that she'd snapped off her knuclaws...and was now
helpless.
Supertails2001: Even now, she's claiming the Hero echidna as her own..
"Ready...begin!" Cinder runs towards one of the metal walls and rips a chunk off of it. She
throws it at Omega. Omega grabs it before it hits him. He then
Supertails2001: She rips a chunk out ot the metal wall...
Captain Chaotica: She REALLY ripped out a chunk of the wall? Oh my heck.
targets Cinder and begins shooting at Cinder. Cinder evades each bullet. She then gets close
enough to Omega to punch him. The force of her attack brings
CoiledRose: How does one evade a bullet?
Ampharos6000: Bullets move too fast.
ShadowRittach: *every sert-o-meter in the world explodes*
Supertails2001: I thought they were lazers, not bullets..
Exabyte256: You'd need some sort of armor or something.
Captain Chaotica: But that would cover up her "attractive, curvy" figure!
Psyco2000: Wow, I wish I could hear the word "Cinder" fifty more times! That would really make
my day!
Nyperold: Yeah, but remember, they're all around twice as fast as Shadow.
RealBigNUKE: (checks his portable Sert-O-Meter) She's registering at over 5,000 mega
drizz'ts!!
Supertails2001: Since when did you drag the drow into this?
Captain Chaotica: Registering at like 10,000 mega marrissapicards!
Experimental Subject 651: It's not possible, Nyp. Your nervous system can't carry the impluses to
your brain fast enough, your brain can't make sense of them fast enough. You would just be
realizing it had fired as the bullets hit you.
Supertails2001: I had a sertometer implanted into my skull...uhhh...is that bad?
Experimental Subject 651: ST's head a splode.
Captain Chaotica: I think ALL our heads A SPLODEd long ago, actually...
Ampharos6000: My brain melted...
Psyco2000: Not mine... mine just sort of fizzled out.
her fist through his armor. She pulls her fist out. Omega sparks a little. He then shoots a
missile at Cinder. She runs from it for a while before grabbing it.
Ampharos6000: GRABBING A MISSILE!?
Exabyte256: Grabbing a missile.
ShadowRittach: Oh bull crap!
Supertails2001: Then it explodes, foolish girl.
Captain Chaotica: She..GRABBED...THE FREAKING..._MISSILE_?!
Ampharos6000: Just. Wow.
Nyperold: Grabbing a... misssile.
CoiledRose: How can she run from the missile if it was fired at point blank?
Captain Chaotica: And I thought reaching her hand _through_ his armour was bad enough. At this
point, the fic basically just gave up and said, "I don't care..."
CoiledRose: How can one go wrong so many times in two sentences.
Exabyte256: Next she'll be capturing machine gun fire with her teeth.
Psyco2000: Lemme ask this... if this was a cannon character, would any of us be upset?
Experimental Subject 651: Yes, Psy, I would.
Captain Chaotica: Yes. Because it'd still be BLOODY UNREALISTIC!
Nyperold: Lemme guess... she's going to throw it back at him harder than his rocket propulsion
system did.
Captain Chaotica: --or blow up into millions and billions of itty bitty teeny WEENY molecules...
CoiledRose: I'll pay Nyp five bucks if that actually happens.
She throws it back at Omega. Omega uses another to blow it up before it reaches him. Cinder
then forms a fireball in her hand and throws it at Omega. It
Supertails2001: isn't until after it's left her hand that she realizes her hand has burnt and is now a
charred mass of flesh.
Ampharos6000: --burns Omega to a crisp, the end. Let's all go out for donuts.
Psyco2000: How is Omega functioning, still?
Experimental Subject 651: Omega is a ROBOT, with ARMOR. Fire is not going to hurt him.
Ampharos6000: Her fire will, 651.
.Exabyte256: It's magical fire. Fire which is as hot as nuclear fusion.
Ampharos6000: Hotter.
Experimental Subject 651: CR, pay up.
CoiledRose: Whoah...looks like I'm five dollars poorer.
melts through his right arm. Cinder then runs up to Omega and grabs one the robot's arms.
She twists it around and hears the metal breaking. She then
Captain Chaotica: --starts disco-dancing.
Experimental Subject 651: --starts doing a horribly ugly victory dance and yelling "BOO-YAH!"
CoiledRose: --realizes she has a date, and bails.
Ampharos6000: --blows up Omega and the explosion kills her, the end.
Psyco2000: --breaks a nail, and flees in terror.
CoiledRose: ...a date with Sonic.
Captain Chaotica: --a date with DESTINY!
RealBigNUKE: And lame mobian love ensues.
Supertails2001: --smashes him with it. An idea hits her, and she recoils from the impact.
CoiledRose: I'm going to draw a picture of these three characters.
Captain Chaotica: --and then set fire to it, hopefully?
CoiledRose: It's going to be ...fun.
Experimental Subject 651: I know I've made the "Tear his arm off and beat his head in with it" joke
myself before, but if she does I'm gonna pull a Servo.
Ampharos6000: Your pencil would turn into flames.
Psyco2000: you know, in old times they believed drawing a picture meant stealing a soul... Rosey,
do you really want THESE three souls running around your home?
rips the arm completely off. She takes the arm and rams it into Omega's chest. Omega
begins to spark again. Cinder then gives a strong blow to Omega's
Captain Chaotica: --B-drive.
RealBigNUKE: UGH, she did it.
Experimental Subject 651: MY...HEAD...A...SPLODE!
Exabyte256: "He >Begins< to spark again"?
Experimental Subject 651: *sits in his seat, sparking*
Captain Chaotica: File EXPERIMENT not found. Abort, Retry, Fail?
Ampharos6000: Darn it. I REALLY want say something hentai, but...I won't.
Captain Chaotica: CROW!! (whaps Ampharos upside the head)
Ampharos6000: Ow!
Supertails2001: How does that staff hit CC? Is it good? Cause I'm thinking about getting a heavier
one.
Captain Chaotica: I'm using my Minbari Fighting Pike, actually.
Psyco2000: Seriously, though, whater Robotnik did to make Omega withstand THIS much...
THAT's what he should be doing. not this "Seduction by omnipotent hentai schoolgirls of the
apocalypse" routine.
Experimental Subject 651: Psy...I'm gonna sig that line.
head. His head blasts clean off and goes through the window of the viewing room.
CoiledRose: --killing Robotnik Then Cinder becomes the main villian of the Sonic series. DUN
DUN DUN!!
Psyco2000: --it lands on Sonic's head, and knocks him out cold.
Ampharos6000: OMEGA'S HEAD WENT KABLOOEY.
Captain Chaotica: The Gooey Kablooey?
Ampharos6000: Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey!
CoiledRose: Screwey, Gooey, and Kapooey. I remember some guy in Quack Pack calling them
that...
"No challenge!" says Cinder. Celestial and Silhouette clap enthusiastically.
Exabyte256: That's just sick
Ampharos6000: *sarcastic* Oh, that was SOOO hard...
Captain Chaotica: --and break their own hands off at the wrists because they don't know their own
strength, OH, THE MOBIANITY!
CoiledRose: Their thunderous clapping causing earthquakes.
Experimental Subject 651: It just might, CR.
Nyperold: "Like, she totally did it! That was fab!!" .
Captain Chaotica: Cinder can rip chunks out of a METAL WALL with her bare hands, I mean
really...
Exabyte256: This is hulk physics. Only she's a lot smaller.
Supertails2001: All they need to do to cause earthquakes is BLINK enthusiastically.
Ampharos6000: Breathe enthusiastically!
Experimental Subject 651: It's a 134 on the Richter scale if they clap.
CoiledRose: Exist enthusiastically.
Ampharos6000: That's a good one.
Captain Chaotica: How exactly does one EXIST enthusiastically, anyway..?
"O.O" is Shadow's reply. "She...she...killed Omega." Rouge then walks into the room and
sees Cinder, Silhouette and Celestial playing catch with Omega's
Supertails2001: How does one say "O.O"?
Experimental Subject 651: IT'S AN EMOTICON AS SPEECH! KILL IT!
Captain Chaotica: "You killed Omega! You (CENSORED)!"
CoiledRose: Wow...Robotnik has some miracle working medical team.
Captain Chaotica: Rouge _walked_ into the room? Dang.
CoiledRose: Why does Robotnik test his robots in combat? Shouldn't knowing their capabilities be
enough? He's ruining perfectly good machinery.
Experimental Subject 651: He could have messed up somewhere. It's been done before, CR.
Supertails2001: "Does this work? Better test it.. hmm, my tests broke it. Time to make new ones!
Eh! but I have to test it..."
head in the arena at very fast speeds.
Ampharos6000: I REALLY want to say something hentai now...
Captain Chaotica: How about if I whap you upside the head repeatedly so that you no longer have
any memory?
Ampharos6000: I've been like like for almost a good 3 or 4 years.
Captain Chaotica: And you're HOW old, now?
Ampharos6000: Twelve.
Captain Chaotica: A perverted 8 year old, that's just...that's BEYOND wrong...
CoiledRose: Don't worry. He'll grow out of it. We all have those phases.
Supertails2001: Phasers? *waves his around*
"O.O...Did she...?" says Rouge.
Captain Chaotica: (as Eggman) --totally pummel you? Yes. She's a sert.
CoiledRose: Did she leave the butter out? Oh man! Now I have to go back to the store!
Nyperold: --almost completely annihilate Omega? Yes.
Exabyte256: I bet those robots are going to turn against Eggman.
"Yeah," says Shadow. "She killed Omega. She punched his head off."
Supertails2001: She BROKE YOUR RIBS!
Ampharos6000: Tell us something we don't know, Shadow.
Experimental Subject 651: Of course, was Omega ever really...ALIVE!?
Captain Chaotica: Well, she _destroyed_ Omega, anyway...
"They are stronger than my expectations," says Eggman.
CoiledRose: Of course they are Eggy man.
Supertails2001: Their strength is measured by the same unit as your expectations?
Exabyte256: They could use adamantium for chewing gum.
Captain Chaotica: It wouldn't TASTE very good, though...
Experimental Subject 651: "This is bad. Very bad. They were supposed to be controllable...now I
cannot if they turn against me. We must warn the world."--Eggman.
"So," says Rouge. "Are they gonna be a team like us?"
Supertails2001: TEAM DORK!
Experimental Subject 651: You WERE a team Rouge. You seem to have lost a member...
Nyperold: (as Eggman) Yes, only much better.
Captain Chaotica: Team SERT!
Experimental Subject 651: No, Outcasts had the perfect name for them. "Team
This-Shouldn't-Be!"
"I guess," says Eggman. "That was my original idea."
Supertails2001: I'd hardly call it original, Eggman...
CoiledRose: If Sonic Team made a Team Sert as a joke, I would worship them for all eternity.
Captain Chaotica: Even Eggman has NO clue what he's doing, by this point!
CoiledRose: Does he ever?
Experimental Subject 651: "Of course, they're so powerful now that I really don't need more then
one."
Captain Chaotica: (as Eggman) Wish I hadn't made them unkillable. hmmm...
"You aren't going to name them something stupid like Team Eggman are you?" asks
Shadow.
Experimental Subject 651: Wooo! Go Shadow!
CoiledRose: No, actually, I'm going to name them...wow...I am again at a loss for words in such a
setup..*kicks self*
Experimental Subject 651: The Three Horsewomen of the Apoclypse.
Ampharos6000: Heck, why not just Team Apocalypse?
Captain Chaotica: Team DOOM.
CoiledRose: Team Rocket.
Experimental Subject 651: Team REALLY Dark.
Captain Chaotica: Team Stuffnthings!
Supertails2001: Team Heads With Rocks In!
Ampharos6000: Team S**t For Brains!
Experimental Subject 651: CROW! *whacks Ampharos again*
Ampharos6000: Ow!
No," says Eggman. 'Damn that hedgehog!!!" thinks Eggman. "I will call them...Team Flash
because of their incredible speeds."
Ampharos6000: Team Flash. Ew.
Exabyte256: Team FLASH?!!!! AAAAGAGGGHHHH!!!!
Captain Chaotica: (as Eggman) And because of the way they tend to wear hardly any
clothes!
Nyperold: Yes. Ew.
CoiledRose: Ugh...how did I see Amphy's comment coming from a mile away?
Supertails2001: *bashes own head in, then proceeds to repeat on everyone else*
Ampharos6000: Guess I'm not the only one that took that the wrong way?
"That was really fun!" says Silhouette.
CoiledRose: (as Silhouette) Let's do that again!
Experimental Subject 651: "I wanna kill Team Dark again!"
Captain Chaotica: (singing) Let's do the time warp aga-ain! It's just a jump to the left!
Supertails2001: You know that scene in Karate Kid where he chops through the ice cubes? They
go to the North Pole to do that for fun. THEY CAUSE FLOODING.
CoiledRose: I don't know...the more I think about it, the more I think Team Eggman sounds
BETTER than Team Flash.
Experimental Subject 651: Yeah, but it would suspend even the author's sense of disbelief to
have Team Sonic falling for Team Eggman.
Captain Chaotica: The author HAS disbelief?
Experimental Subject 651: Probably not, but it sounded good.
Nyperold: (as Celestial) Team Flash? Hey! I know to make Flash movies!
Supertails2001: Marvel's gonna sue.. or DC.. I dunno.
CoiledRose: DC, Supertails.
"No hard feelings Rouge?" asks Celestial. She puts out her hand,
Captain Chaotica: --and spits on it.
Nyperold: Because it was on fire from the clapping.
Experimental Subject 651: Rouge, however, had a hand-buzzer.
Supertails2001: Rouge of course IS PRACTICALLY FREAKING DEAD!
CoiledRose: NO HARD FEELINGS??? You just...nevermind.
Captain Chaotica: (as Rouge) "Oh, yeah, sure, I feel just FINE, after being MASHED TO A
BLOODY PULP!"
Exabyte256: I guess the author doesn't know what pain feels like.
CoiledRose: She will once I'm through with her.
Captain Chaotica: I'd be HAPPY to show her..._personally_... (Dr. Forrester voice) DEEEEP
HURTING! DEEEEEP HURTING!
Nyperold: Gonna give her a real dose of PAIN?
Experimental Subject 651: CC, CR, the line forms to the right. And believe me, there IS a line.
Captain Chaotica: (gets in line)
Supertails2001: *goes down the line passing out numbers*
"No hard feelings," says Rouge. She takes Celestial's hand. Celestial then flips Rouge over
and slams her onto the floor hard. "Why you little..."
Ampharos6000: How'd I know that was coming?
CoiledRose: That was hillarious!!! I'm sorry guys.
Supertails2001: Celestial's what we in the adventuring business call a [CENSORED].
Exabyte256: "Oh no, I didn't expect that to happen!" exclaims Rouge.
Captain Chaotica: ARGH! Rouge has already been beat to kingdom come, so she hurts her even
MORE?! That's it, that's just...it, I'm outta here.
Experimental Subject 651: *grabs CC* Oh no you don't! If I suffer you're staying with me!
Supertails2001: DON'T GO *clings to leg*
Captain Chaotica: How much further are we going with this part, Experiment? I have stuff to
do...
Ampharos6000: At 2:30 AM?
Captain Chaotica: At _12_:30 AM, and yes.
Experimental Subject 651: 20 lines or less.
Supertails2001: I have plenty of better things to do. Like bash my head against the wall.
:Never let your guard down!" says Celestial in between giggles.
Supertails2001: Rouge, however, had died and didn't hear.
Ampharos6000: Shut up, Celestial...
Experimental Subject 651: Celestial the Hedgird IS Kefka!
Captain Chaotica: Celestial is actually LAUGHING?! DIE! JUST...FREAKING..._DIE_, ALREADY!
(rips her throat out)
Ampharos6000: *As Dr Robotnik* IMPOSSIBLE! Nooooooo!!
Captain Chaotica: Celestial is more like Dark Sonic from ASADAE, I think...
CoiledRose: I dunno...I find this bad taste to just be plain funny. Things can be so bad that they're
funny...right?
Experimental Subject 651: Don't mention ASADAE, CC...I have flashbacks...
"No hard feelings Shadow?" asks Silhouette. She puts her hand out.
Captain Chaotica: Shadow, who saw what just happened to Rouge and who is NOT a total moron,
refuses to shake hands with her.
Ampharos6000: *As some person watching a dramatic soap opera* NO! Shadow! DON'T DO
IT!!
Experimental Subject 651: Shadow, however, pulled out a De-Selfinsertification Gun, and yelled:
"EAT THIS!"
CoiledRose: I wish ES.
"What kind of an idiot do you take me for?" asks Shadow.
Captain Chaotica: HA! Go Shadow!
Ampharos6000: Woohoo!
CoiledRose: Shadow rocks!
Ampharos6000: Teach HER a lesson, Shad'!
Supertails2001: A big one.
Captain Chaotica: I wanna know what kind of idiot the author takes _Rouge_ for. I swear, she's not
THAT dumb, in the actual games...
CoiledRose: Rouge is the most cunning character. The author murdered her.
"I...I...just want to make peace with you!" sobs Silhouette. She puts her head in her hands and
begins crying.
Nyperold: Oh dear... and he'll STILL fall for it, right?
Captain Chaotica: Oh, yeah, RIGHT, sure, _we_ believe you, Silhouette...
Experimental Subject 651: I hope not...
CoiledRose: If Shadow falls for this, I'll wire ALL of you five bucks each.
Shadow stares at her. "I'm not falling for that little guilt trick," says Shadow.
CoiledRose: Okay, I keep my money!
Ampharos6000: GOOOO, Shadow!
Nyperold: The scene's not over yet...
Exabyte256: Yay. Shadow has some sort of mind.
Experimental Subject 651: Shadow's actually in-character.
Captain Chaotica: Now watch her turn on the Aura of Smooth and he falls for it finally, and then
she slams him into the ground anyway. And then runs him over with a truck. Repeatedly. But NO
hard feelings...
CoiledRose: Shadow, my bank account rellies on your wit.
"You're so mean!" says Silhouette. She kicks Shadow's shin hard.
Experimental Subject 651: Shadow's leg snapped off at the shin. He died.
RealBigNUKE: Shadow then proceeds to scream like a girl, run into a corner, and cry himself to
sleep
CoiledRose: Poor...Shadow.
Supertails2001: Then he died at last.
"OW!" shouts Shadow. He holds onto his shin.
Captain Chaotica: What a freaking..I'm going to actually say it, I can't stand this
anymore...BITCH.
CoiledRose: YES!
Captain Chaotica: He doesn't fall for her tricks, so then she hurts him for daring to _not_ be
gullible. Right...
Ampharos6000: Can't...hold...it...in...>_<;;;
CoiledRose: YES!!! YES!!! Preach it CC!!!!
Supertails2001: We in the adventuring business call these kinds of people [CENSORED!!]
Experimental Subject 651: Urge to kill....rising...RISING...RRRIIISSSIIINNNGGG...
"Loser," says Silhouette.
CoiledRose: ...
Captain Chaotica: DIE!!
Ampharos6000: Urge to kill rising. And FAST.
Experimental Subject 651: *leaps at the screen and attempts to strangle Silhouette*
Ampharos6000: Anyone who wants me to use three Zap Cannons on the screen, say aye!
Captain Chaotica: Yes, but do it from a distance or else you'll electrocute yourself, Ampharos.
CoiledRose: We should send the author death threatening e-mails.
Captain Chaotica: No, even better...KAME-HAME-HA!
Ampharos6000: *steps back*
Ampharos6000: *zaps it with one, then another and then the third one, putting scorch marks on
the screen* Take THAT.
Captain Chaotica: Then your computer explodes, knocking you backwards through the wall.
Ampharos6000: There's a doorway behind me, CC.
Captain Chaotica: Okay, then, backwards through the doorway.
Ampharos6000: *goes SAILING through the doorway and lands on the kitchen table* ow...
"I hated you as children and I still hate you now!" shouts Shadow.
Experimental Subject 651: As babies...
CoiledRose: That's it! I figured out how to kill these characters!
Captain Chaotica: Well, they were babies...they never got to DO much as children; they were
growing super-fast inside those tubes...
Exabyte256: They're all going to stick them in high school or something.
Captain Chaotica: Go back in time and make it so that they were never born! That's what I'D do,
anyway..
Exabyte256: Or go back in time and make sure the author never wrote the thing.
"Calm down everyone," says Eggman. "Shadow and Rouge are your allies you three."
Captain Chaotica: Yeah flipping RIGHT.
CoiledRose: I'd hate to see who their enemies are.
Captain Chaotica: Everybody in the universe, I'd imagine, from THEIR winning personalities...
CoiledRose: I hope Sonic has his will ready.
Nyperold: (as Celestial) Shut up, gramps.
Captain Chaotica: No, Sonic's just going to fall in _love_ with one of them...ugh, you're right, he
WOULD be better off dead...
Experimental Subject 651: I shall now quote Napeleon: "Give me allies to fight against."
Exabyte256: I wonder if they could survive an atomic bomb....
RealBigNUKE: let's find out! *nukes*
"Sorry Doctor," says Team Flash in unison.
Exabyte256: Now that _is_ creepy.
CoiledRose: I am not a number! I am a free man!
RealBigNUKE: Resistance is futile... give us your brains...
Ampharos6000: Oh no...it's the Delightful Children From Down The Lane!
Experimental Subject 651: "Stay back! Stay back! You're not turning me into one of those things!
I'll die fir-"[/Halo reference, cut off by the Master Chief shooting speaker]
"It's quite all right," says Eggman. "They need to be taught a lesson every now and then.
Anyway, I have a mission for you three."
Experimental Subject 651: At which point Rouge and Shadow jumped Eggman and killed him
before anyone could react.
Ampharos6000: (as Robotnik) Marry Team Sonic! .
CoiledRose: (as Robotnik) Take an early morning run over Mos Eisley. But keep alert for any
strange activity.
Captain Chaotica: "Your mission, should you choose to accept it..."
CoiledRose: This cell phone will self destruct...NOW!!!
Captain Chaotica: Um...do they actually, like, LEARN the lesson, if they're _dead_
afterwards?
Experimental Subject 651: "Thus endeth the lesson."[/Spike quote}
CoiledRose: I still don't know what the lesson is?
"OH! Really?" says Celestial.
CoiledRose: (as Robotnik) No, I was kidding.
Experimental Subject 651: And that's apparently not sarcasm, folks.
Ampharos6000: Shut it, Celestial.
Captain Chaotica: (as Eggman) HECK yeah, I don't want you three insanely dangerous serts
around me one second longer than necessary!
CoiledRose: I'm surprised they haven't killed Eggman yet. They are powerful enough. Actually, I'm
surprised they haven't taken on the enitre U.S. armed forces.
"Cool!" says Cinder.
Experimental Subject 651: No, Cinder, you would be saying "Hot!"
CoiledRose: ...that's all we have to work with? "Cool"
Captain Chaotica: Cinder, cool? Hardly.
Ampharos6000: Someone who uses fire says "cool." Punalicious!
"What is it? What is it? What is it?" asks Silhouette. The three are bouncing around.
CoiledRose: Now, they are really giving me the creeps.
Experimental Subject 651: *burst out laughing at the mental image*
Nyperold: OH dear...
Exabyte256: Bouncing around.
Captain Chaotica: Boingy boingy boingy!
CoiledRose: Animaniacs!!!
Captain Chaotica: What are they, hyper little kids, now?!
Exabyte256: These people belong dead.
Experimental Subject 651: Team Flash IS Tigger!
Captain Chaotica: This author belong dead.
Ampharos6000: (as Robotnik) Now calm down children...(Why did I give them spring loaded
feet?!)
CoiledRose: Hehe.
Nyperold: Gummi Serts... bouncing here and there, they make you hurt...
Captain Chaotica: Yeah, actually, you may recall, one of the riffs I said in the second part was that
Eggman put pogo-sticks into all their feet, just for the heck of it.
"Your mission: seduce Team Sonic," says Eggman.
Supertails2001: THAT IS JUST PATHETIC.
Captain Chaotica: GAH!
Ampharos6000: I knew it was coming.
CoiledRose: That must be a joke!!!
Captain Chaotica: He's actually ORDERING them to do that?! SICKO!
Experimental Subject 651: Dot Dot Dot
Ampharos6000: Hentai!
CoiledRose: ES...you're joking right?!?!
Experimental Subject 651: Sadly...no.
Captain Chaotica: Robotnik is a freaking PIMP! (shoots him repeatedly.)
Supertails2001: *hands CC a high-power machine gun*
Exabyte256: I've got the spark missiles!
ShadowRittach: It said SEDUCE. As in, get them to fall in love with Team Flash. o_o
RealBigNUKE: Ohhhh gods, mobian mackin out, I'm gong to go bang my head against a wall for a
while to try and forget that.
CoiledRose: I don't understand. If he wants them to seduce Sonic, what was the point of the battle
training?
Experimental Subject 651: They're assassins. They're supposed to seduce 'em and kill 'em.
Captain Chaotica: More like hookers. Well, really deadly, powerful, immortal hookers,
anyway.
RealBigNUKE: They'll probably wind up to 'really' in love to kill them and then team up. Ugh.
CoiledRose: You don't need battle training to kill someone with seduction. Once they're
handcuffed to the bedpost...well, it's not to hard to kill them.
A/N- End of chapter one. Tell me what you think, and if you think I should keep it going! No
flames! Sorry for any and all grammar mistakes! Oh, I dub this
Captain Chaotica: --THE CRAPPIEST FIC THAT WAS EVER WRITTEN!
RealBigNUKE: FLAMES! NOW WITH THE FLAMES! YOU NEEED FLAMES, FOOL!
CoiledRose: Well, the MSTing was good at least.
Captain Chaotica: (vows to hunt down and kill anybody who ACTUALLY told her to keep it
going...)
Supertails2001: As to the answers... "It sucked. No."
Nyperold: Well, Cinder probably has Fire Res, anyway...
.Supertails2001: My brain is bleeding...
chapter rated R for pure safety!
Experimental Subject 651: Except the rating says PG-13, you nitwit. And here is my review.
Ahem: "This...is a piece of crap. An absolute piece of crap. From the uberpowerful characters,
who, by the way, are pyschotic enough to make Ted Bundy look friendly, to the crappy grammar,
poor sentence structure, and worthless characterization. I could go on, but this has made my
head hurt so much I need a double dosage of aspirin. Fare poorly."
Captain Chaotica: WHOO-HOO! GO EXPERIMENT! WAY TO STICK IT TO THE MORON!
RealBigNUKE: Wahoo!
Ampharos6000: Oh, yeeeeeeah!!
