A MSTing by Captain Chaotica!!
Original story by Sonique.
PART TWO
(In the Monitoring Room...)
"Clay! Clay! Come look at this data I've gathered from monitoring Joel's life-signs!" exclaimed Dr. Erhardt, eagerly.
Forrester looked at the graph. "Hmm...elevated heart rate...blood pressure up...this story is making him hurt! HA! I think we may have discovered the one that finally breaks him!"
"Yeah, I mean, he wasn't in this much pain even after we showed him FIVE Gamera movies in a row!" giggled Erhardt. The two mad scientists high-fived each other.
"WHO the man?" said Forrester.
"YOU the man!" said Erhardt, dancing around in a little circle.
"No, YOU the man!" responded Forrester. They began to laugh evilly in unison. "Go call out for a pizza, will you, Lar? Make it a super supreme, with all the toppings. Oh, and a six-pack of Sprite. I feel like...celebrating!"
"Sure, Clay, only...we're still out of money."
"That's fine...just charge it to Joel's account as we usually do! BWAHAHAHA!"
(Satellite of Love Bridge)
"Oh, Joel, I can't STAND this anymore! Why do people write such crappy stories?" moaned Crow.
"Yeah, really. I mean, what makes so many people decide to write themselves into a fantasy universe in such an obvious way, and then also write their character in as IRRITATING a way as possible?"
"Well, I think the Self-Insertion or 'Mary Sue' syndrome, as we like to call it, comes about because people naturally want to belong in their favourite fictional universes, and be with their favourite characters...and they don't know enough about writing yet to know any better." explained Joel.
"Oh, so it's a stage of writing that all early writers go through?" inquired Servo.
"Yeah," said Joel, nodding.
"Not true, Joel--OUR writer never did that. Except for in a one-page Star Trek story she wrote when she was ten years old, and even that she intended as a parody only..." protested Crow.
Joel whapped Crow upside the beak. "Crow, what have I told you about breaking the fourth wall?"
"Joel, this is a call-in show. The mads do commercials for a real-life restaurant that's in the same town as this soundstage. At this point, we HAVE no fourth wall."
"Oh, yeah." said Joel, embarrased. "And speaking of which, if any of you folks at home want to call in and tell us whatcha think of the show, the number is...Cambot, could you put that number up?"
"623-7655" read out Servo, in his "mighty voice". "Call now! Talk to Joel!"
"Operators are standing by!" quipped Crow.
"I have bad news, Joel." said Servo.
"What's that?"
"It looks like we have Movie Sign."
(Season 0 door sequence, and they all take off for the bridge in different directions.)
(The bots and Joel all seat themselves in their usual places.)
Alison remarked to Sally, "If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s yours for taking too long to get down here!"
JOEL: (defensively) Hey, we got into the theater as fast as we could...
"But I.."
Sonic shrugged his shoulders, "You gotta admit, Sal, she’s right."
Shocked by his remark Sally yelled,
CROW: (as Sally) OUCH! Sonic, put that joy-buzzer away, that gag hasn't been remotely funny for decades!
"Sonic this was not my fault, and if you two hadn’t rushed off without me, we would have been fine!"
"Pfff, yeah right." Alison muttered.
Sally sighed, "Fine, but now we have to get back to Knothole."
"But, Sal, we don’t know ol’ Butt-Nik’s plan to find Knothole yet."
SERVO: Why doesn't this Robotnik person just look them up in the phone-book? Sheeesh.
Sally sarcastically replied to Sonic, "I thought Uncle Chuck would figure it out."
Not knowing she was using sarcasm,
JOEL: --as everybody has been doing ever since this fic began...
SERVO: Including us...
CROW: Especially us!
Sonic said, "But you said before he can’t do everything."
Alison agreed, "Yeah, make up your mind."
Sally through her hands up in failure and let out a frustrated cry. Without saying another word, she turned and stormed away from Alison and the befuddled hedgehog.
JOEL: Sally went through her own hands? Ooooh, ouch....
SERVO: Hard to do, that. You've got to be really, really flexible.
"What’s her problem?" Alison asked Sonic.
(all three, in unison (more or less) YOU!!!
Sonic shrugged his shoulders in response.
"What’d y’all find out, Sally-girl?" Bunnie asked Sally upon her return to Knothole.
Sally sighed, "Well, we couldn’t find anything."
CROW: Of course, the fact that we were searching over in Egypt rather than anywhere near Robotropolis might have had something to do with it...
Rotor came up to Sally and noticed Sonic and Alison weren’t with her. "Where’s Alison and Sonic?"
Trying not to show her anger, she stuttered through an answer, "They’re coming... they stayed behind... for some things... I guess."
JOEL: I told them we were out of bread and milk. I gave them a twenty...hope they don't blow all my change on candy and comic books on the way home again.
"You okay, Sally-girl?"
Sally nodded, "I’m fine, just tired." She paused for a moment, "I’d like to be alone now, if you don’t mind."
"Sure thing." Bunnie replied.
Sally walked past the two of them and toward the huts with her head down in deep thought.
Bunnie and Rotor both turned to the sound of someone coming through the sliding tree.
JOEL: Through a TREE? Geez, everybody is clutzy around here...!
Together, Sonic and Alison flew out the tree hole and landed in the hay pile.
CROW: (in little kid voice) WHEEEEEEE!! That was fun! Can we do it again, Mommy, huh, can we can we can we?
SERVO: I thought I TOLD you kids...no jumping in the hay pile! That needs to be neatly stacked so we can feed our horses, you little brats!
Rotor eagerly jogged up to greet Alison, "Hey, Alison. Did you guys find anything?"
Alison slid down the pile of hay, "Not really." She felt a tingle in her arm where she’d been bit, "Just found out Snively’s a stupid little puss-sucker!"
JOEL: (sarcastically) Ooooh, burrrrnnn...
"We all ready knew that, Al." Sonic slid down the pile and landed beside Alison.
"Didj’all notice some’tin about Sally?" Bunnie asked them. "She seems upset."
CROW: DUH!!!
Sonic shrugged, "Must be tired."
"Maybe y’all should have a talk with her, Sugah-hog."
Sonic smiled and shook his head, "Can’t now Bunnie. I’m gonna give Al here a real treat." He put his arm around Alison in a buddy motion.
SERVO: ...and applied a STRANGLE-HOLD!
"I’m making her one of my ol’ chili dogs."
Bunnie had never seen Sonic turn down the chance to talk to Sally before. Her face turned to slight shock, "Uh.. okay, sugah.. whateva ya say."
JOEL: What language is Bunnie speaking, anyway? Anybody got a clue?
SERVO: I think she's Cajun.
CROW: I think she's probably speaking Cantonese.
Snively slowly and quietly entered Robotnik’s main control room hoping not to be noticed. He tiptoed to the center of the room.
"SNIVELY!"
(Joel and the 'bots) YEAAAHHH! (leap out of their seats as well as they can)
JOEL: Don't DO that!
"AHHUGH!" Snively jumped into the air and, once he landed, quickly turned around to face Robotnik. "Sir?"
CROW: Hey, lookit, Snively agrees with us.
"What was the hedgehog doing here, Snively?"
SERVO: (as Snively) A hedgehog's gotta do what a hedgehog's gotta do! You know that, sir!
"Well... Sir.. he... you see.. he some how found out you were trying to find Knothole and..."
"WHAT?! How could he have known!?" Robotnik bellowed while throwing his fists into the air.
JOEL: He tossed his own fists into the air? Ouch!
CROW: Hey, detachable fists...he's modular! Neat!
Snively gasped and ducked in response, but picked his head up once he realized Robotnik wasn’t going to hit him, "I really don’t know, Sir."
SERVO: He picked his own head up off the floor! AH! Now everybody in this story is tossing body parts right and left!
"Was anyone else with him?"
"Yes, he was with the Princess and.." his hate for Alison caused him to shutter as he thought of her, "..that miserable Alison slut." He muttered.
(ALL gasp)
JOEL: Hey, hey, hey, people, this is supposed to be a family show, WATCH the language.. (shakes his fist at the screen).
Robotnik’s eyes widened, "Alison is with the Freedom Fighters now?"
Snively nodded and sighed, "I’m afraid so, Sir."
CROW: Yeah, and the Freedom Fighters aren't terribly happy about the news, either!
Robotnik growled, "I took care of that girl! I gave her everything she needed, and this is the thanks I get?!
SERVO (as Death from "Discworld") I TAKE YOU IN...I TEACH YOU A TRADE, I FEED YOU, I CLOTHE YOU, I GIVE YOU OPPORTUNITIES BEYOND ANYTHING YOU COULD HAVE DREAMED, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?! YOU NEGLECT THE DUTY...YOU SEDUCE MY DAUGHTER... (he is shut up by Joel clamping his hand over Servo's "beak".)
He pointed to Snively, "If she returns, I want her captured and brought to me. Do you understand, Snively?"
"Yes, Sir." Snively whimpered.
Sally and Bunnie sat side by side by the Power Ring pool; Sally held her head up with her hands, and she had just finished telling Bunnie about what happened earlier.
JOEL: And now Sally's head is coming off! Sheesh, the people in this story are sure having problems, aren't they?
"Y’know, Sally-girl, if Ali hurt your feelin’s you should tell ‘er. No sayin’ what people were lahk where she came from. She probably didn’t even notice." Bunnie said.
"I know, Bunnie, but Sonic completely took her side as if the whole thing was my fault." She sighed.
"Now, Sally-girl, you know that Sugah-hog doesn’t always have his head in the raht place. He was probably just in a bad mood or sometin’."
CROW: (dripping with sarcasm) Or he was under the influence of the Perfect Self-Insertion Fan-Girl's "Aura of Smooth"...
Sally lifted her head up, "Maybe you’re right, Bunnie, but I..."
All of a sudden, Alison darted at full speed past the two girls causing them to shriek in surprise.
JOEL: (ducking) YEAAAH!!
With no response, Alison dove for the pool’s shore and stuck her head into the water.
JOEL: Whoah, did she just eat something SPICY or WHAT?
CROW: (as Neelix) Hmmm, maybe next time I should go a bit lighter on the jaaa-laap-ee-noes...
SERVO: Either that or she just ate some of Lum's cooking! HA!
Bunnie and Sally stared at her in confusion then turned to the sound of Sonic running toward them. Sonic stopped once he reached the girls; he carried an empty can of chili and wore a chef’s hat. When he noticed Alison with her head in the water he remarked, "Hmm.. maybe I should’ve gone a bit lighter on the chili powder."
ALL: (at various times) D'OH!
Alison lifted her head out of the water and panted for a second. She stood up and brushed her hair over her shoulder. "Wow! That was really hot." She replied to Sonic; then she smiled and asked, "Can I have another one?"
CROW: Obviously, Alison has a death-wish.
SERVO: Fine by me.
JOEL: Come on, you guys, let's stop being quite so mean to the author avatar...
CROW: (whining) Awwww....do we HAVE to, Joel...?
JOEL: (thinks about it) Actually...no. Knock yourselves out; she deserves it.
Sonic shrugged, "Sure! No prob."
Sally stood up, "You know, Sonic, about earlier..."
SERVO: (dramatic voice) When DINOSAURS ruled the EARTH!!
JOEL: (chuckling) I don't think she means that much earlier, Servo...
Sonic cut her off,
CROW: ...in traffic...
"Save it, Sal. The hedgehog is hun-gry."
Alison walked up to Sonic and the two walked side by side away from the pool. Alison declared to Sonic, "You look pretty cute in that chef hat."
"I know, I know." Sonic replied.
SERVO: (as Sonic) OH, yeah, I'm the man. Chicks can't get enough of me! Why, just the other day, about sixteen babes in bikinis were rubbing mango juice all over me and--
JOEL: (puts his hand over Servo's mouth) What IS it with you and mango juice, anyway...
Sally grew mad at Alison for saying that to her boyfriend; she kicked some dirt anger and clenched her fists. "How dare she say that to Sonic!"
CROW: Gee, what subtle acting! I see this is where the "Jealousy" part of the title comes in...
SERVO: Wait a minute, what the heck is "dirt anger" and how do you kick it?
"What’s up, Sally-girl?"
Sally pointed to Alison in the distance, "Did you hear what she just said?"
JOEL: (as Sally) She said there's a shoe-sale at Nordstrom's, OH the horror!!!
"Ah’m sure she meant nothin’ by it."
"You don’t think, she’s trying to steal Sonic from me, do you?"
ALL: DUH!!
"It just doesn’t seem raht. Ah mean Alison doesn’t seem lahk someone who’d go stealing someone’s boyfriend."
SERVO: Um, Bunnie...is the Alison you know the same one that we've been reading about all this time...?
"I’m gonna follow them."
"Now hold on, Sally-girl, there’s no reason to spah on them."
JOEL: Especially considering that we don't speak Cantonese and therefore have no clue what you just said.
"I’m not gonna spy, I’m just gonna.. uh.. follow them a bit." She began following Sonic and Alison’s trail.
Sonic and Alison entered into Alison’s hut ready to rest from their walk. They didn’t know Sally had followed them there and planned to do some spying; she knelt down by one of the windows keeping low so she wouldn’t be seen.
"I like what you did with the place." Sonic said as he walked further into Alison’s hut.
CROW: ...just then, a ten-ton weight fell on him from the ceiling, THE END!
"Thanks." She sat down on her bed. Trying to make conversation, she said "So you and Sally been together a while now?"
Sally gasped and sunk even lower below the window.
"Sal and me have been friends as far back as I can remember. I guess we’ve always been kind of been... boyfriend-girlfriend."
Alison smiled, "That’s so sweet."
CROW: (as Alison, under her breath) Bitch.
SERVO: (as Sally, under her breath) Slut.
JOEL: (whaps them both upside the head) BEHAVE!
Sonic picked up a small book on one of Alison’s dressers, "What’s this?" He opened it to a random page and began reading out loud, "S is for the snooty way you.."
"NOO!" In panic, Alison quickly jumped up from her bed and dove for the book. She snatched the book from his hands and closed it.
Sonic looked at her in confusion, "What is it?"
Alison panted for a second; of course she couldn’t say the book contained her poetry inspired by Snively.
SERVO: Poetry inspired by Snively? Man, this girl IS disturbed!
"It’s... a book I’m writing. But it’s not done yet." She put it back on her dresser. "I don’t like people to read my stuff unless it’s done."
Sally thought for a moment, "Could that book have poetry about Sonic? Sonic isn’t really snooty, but who else could it be?"
"Okay," said Sonic, "lemme know when you’re done."
"So, what do you want to do now?"
CROW: (as Alison) The same thing we do every night, Sonic...
SERVO and CROW: TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
"Why don’t we go visit my Uncle Chuck?" Sonic replied.
"Okay, sounds like a plan."
JOEL: Not a very good plan, mind you, but a plan...
"Let’s juice."
Sonic and Alison walked out of Alison’s hut and into the daylight. Alison saw something move out of the corner of her eye, near her window, and turned to see what it was, "Sally?"
Sally was in the process of getting up from the ground when Alison saw her, "Uh-oh." She said to herself.
"What’s up, Sal?" Sonic asked.
"I... uh... dropped something." Sally replied innocently.
"Need help?" asked Alison.
"No... it’s no big deal." She stood up and brushed herself off.
CROW: (as Sally) OW I just stepped on my contact lens, shattered it into a million tiny shards of glass, and ground it right into the bottom of my bare...foot...OOOWWWWW!...but I'll be...fine...really....OW!
"Wanna come with us, Sal?"
"No thanks, Sonic, I don’t feel like going to Robotropolis."
"Okay, we’ll catch ya later."
JOEL: The next time you happen to be running away.
Alison hopped onto Sonic’s back and held on tight.
"We’re outta here!" With those words, Sonic dashed off into the distance leaving Sally.
"I have to get to Robotropolis." Sally thought after they had left.
Sonic stopped right in front of the giant, stinking, junk heap in Robotropolis. Each pile of rotting trash towered about seven feet tall, and all together they made up about six square miles of Robotropolis.
CROW: Wow, not just any giant, stinking junk heap but THE giant, stinking junk heap!
SERVO: What a pathetic tourist attraction!
"Almost there." Sonic remarked.
"He lives in the junk heap?" Alison asked in a disgusted tone.
"It’s a nice hide out for him."
JOEL: (as Sonic) And his bad smell keeps Robotnik far away from him, too!
"I see..."
Sonic took off again towards the center of the junk heap. As they approached one of the piles, the front of it moved upward, like a garage door, revealing an entrance to a room inside the pile. Sonic ran inside and the door shut behind him.
"This is the place." Sonic said as they entered.
"Weird." Alison got off Sonic’s back and looked around. Machines and computers lined the walls of the round room with buttons and levers of all sorts. A small light hanging from the ceiling lit the room well.
Sonic looked around but saw no one in the room, "Uncle Chuck?!" He called. "Yo, Unc?!"
"No one’s home, I guess." Alison remarked.
CROW: Let's go through his underwear drawers and read his diary! BWAHAHA!
Suddenly, a hand viciously grabbed Sonic and Alison from behind.
"AUGH!" They whipped around and to their relief, saw Uncle Chuck behind them. Uncle Chuck looked a lot like Sonic, only he was a darker shade of blue, had metallic features, a white mustache and eyebrows. Since Robotnik roboticised him, his eyes were black and glowed an evil red color.
SERVO: Whoah, cool look...
Sonic relaxed a bit, "Good one Uncle Chuck."
Uncle Chuck reached his hands out for Sonic, "Hedgehog, priority one! Detain by order of Robotnik." He slowly stepped toward Sonic.
"Uncle Chuck! Chill!" Sonic backed away from his possessed uncle.
CROW: Could be worse, he could be getting reposessed...
SERVO: Yeah..that's what happens when you don't pay your excorcist! HA ha ha! I slay me.
Alison reached for her gun, pulled it out and in a quick motion, aimed at Uncle Chuck. "Back off!"
JOEL: (as Allison, after Ripley from "Aliens") Get away from him, you BITCH!!
"NO!" Sonic yelled at her. "He’s my Uncle. Don’t hurt him."
Uncle Chuck grabbed the two of them by their shoulders, "Good to see you guys again." His eyes stopped glowing.
"You okay?" Alison asked him.
CROW: (as Uncle Chuck) No, I have psychotic episodes all the time, of COURSE I'm not fine! Hel-LO!!
"I’m fine, I just thought you guys could use a little scare."
"Why?" Again Alison asked.
SERVO: (as Uncle Chuck) It seemed like fun at the time.
CROW: "Again Alison Asked"? Is that any relation to "Commented Chrono"?
Uncle Chuck chuckled in response.
Sonic remarked, "You can tell he’s my uncle."
JOEL: Yeah, they're both equally annoying.
Uncle Chuck pointed to Alison, "And I can see you’re no longer with Robotnik."
Alison nodded, "Right. No way am I going back. Not even for Sniv..." She quickly caught herself, "..I mean not even for SIL-ver... yeah or, uh... gold... or anything. Nothing can make me go back."
JOEL: (snorting sarcastically) Oh, good save...
"Well, welcome aboard, Freedom Fighter." Uncle Chuck patted her on her shoulder.
"Hey, do you know any echidna’s around here?" Alison blurted out completely changing the subject.
CROW: Huh? How'd they get to Australia?
SERVO: (looking carefully at the sentence) Do you know any echidna's WHAT around here?!
"Hmmm..." Uncle Chuck thought for a moment, "There are probably some around that are roboticised."
"Do they stay in a special room or anything?"
"No, worker-bots tend to just work all the time. They don’t usually get a break."
"But I need to find two of the echidnas and I know one of them is a worker-bot."
"I’ll keep my eyes peeled for any echidnas."
SERVO: NO one will be seated during the climactic ECHIDNA-LOCATING SCENE!!
Sonic then asked Uncle Chuck some questions of his own, "Any more on Ro-butt-nik’s plan to find Knothole?"
Uncle Chuck shook his head, "Sorry, but I don’t think you have to worry. I would have heard about any breaking news by now."
"Cool."
"But I need to get to my job before I’m missed."
CROW: Don't worry. It'll be at least a few years before they even notice you're gone.
Alison sighed, "But we just met."
"Don’t worry. I’m sure we’ll meet again. You can come visit me any time and I’ll look around for your echidna friends."
Alison nodded, "Okay, take care of yourself."
"Later Unc." Sonic took Alison and darted out the trash pile.
JOEL: And that's our cue to take a break, come on, you guys...
(They leave the theater)
"Hey, Sonic stop for a second." Alison ordered calmly.
Sonic immediately came to a halt upon her request, "What’s wrong?"
"This just hit me, how did Sally know we were going to visit Robotropolis before?"
Sonic thought for a moment, "Hmm... I don’t know."
"And why was she kneeling down on the floor when I saw her?"
"What are you saying?"
"Do you think maybe she was spying on us?"
"Why would she do that?"
