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Sea The Light, a Sonic the Hedgehog Fanfiction written by Nyperold. MiSTing by the Outcasts. Done with permission because I asked Nyperold nicely. Plus he MiSTed one of my fics, so it's only fair (no seriously, I asked nicely).
Fanfiction copyrighted to Nyperold. Blaze, Negative Angel, Snowflake, Rainbow, Flame, Psymanik Deprezion, and Positive Demon, along with the name The Outcasts and Chaos Deck copyrighted to Laura. B. Who is me and me alone. Don't steal me, I'll know it.
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Turn Down Your Lights (save money on electricity today!)
In the pretty much distant future
But not next Sunday A.D--
There lived a fox named Blaze
That was pretty different from you and me
She didn't really work anywhere
Just went around stealing what she could
She did a pretty good job swiping all the stuff
But evil twin caught her in the act
And shot her into space.
Blaze: (But it wasn't meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!)
We'll send her cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find (la-la-la)
She'll have to sit and read them all
And we'll monitor her mind (la-la-la)
Now keep in mind Blaze can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end (la-la-la)
Because she burnt those special parts
With her other outcast friends.
(Outcast roll call)
Rainbow! (die!)
Snowflake! (I wuv you!)
Negative Angel! (*glares*)
Pysssscho Orange! (PEOPLE!)
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe
and other science facts (la-la-la),
Just repeat to yourself, "There are animals talking,
Is anyone else freaked by that?"
For Mystery Outcast Theatre 3000!"
(TWANG!)
[Satellite Of Misfits]
[All you can see is an empty setting. No one's around, not even a space mouse, you hope at least. Off-screen you can hear distance singing. It gets louder and closer, so close that you can hear what's being sung. If you look to your left of the screen you can see a refrigerator]
BLAZE: (just appearing from off-screen) Ice-cream, ice-cream, with lot 'o lots 'o toppppppinggg. Ice-cream, ice-cream, la la la la la. I'm not very good at songs, la la la la la.
[BLAZE opens the freezer compartment and peers inside for a moment, then reaches in and pulls out an ice-cream container. This she tosses to the desk that has appeared on-screen, then reaches under the desk and pulls out vanilla ice-cream topping and a spoon. She cracks open the container, only to realise that it is empty. BLAZE looks rather disappointed now, poor dear]
BLAZE: [to the camera] RAINBOW! I told you to stop putting the ice-cream back in the freezer when there's none left. It's deceiving and cruel and I should tear your wings off for it!
RAINBOW: (He's our camera-fur, by the way. Wee!) The devil made me do it!
BLAZE: You always blame the devil, now everyone thinks the devil is evil because of your lies.
RAINBOW: But he is!
BLAZE: No! It's your own dang fault. Hang your head in shame!
[The camera pans down to the floor, hanging in 'shame'. After a moment the camera pans up, revealing BLAZE to be eating the vanilla topping on its own]
RAINBOW: HEY!
BLAZE: Devil's deed, not my problem.
[COMMERCIALS]
[5, 4, 3, 2, 1]
[ALL enter the theatre, seated as NEGATIVE ANGEL, BLAZE, and PSYCHO ORANGE]
[NEGATIVE ANGEL notices a note in her seat. This she picks up and reads out loud to the others]
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (clearing throat) "Hello, my little hamsters. Couldn't be around to torment you before the movie so I got that seizure-inducing freak to make a note for you."
PSYCHO ORANGE: Aww, innit dat sweet?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Don't interrupt me, Psy! (*coughs*) "Here's a little fic I found on Netraptor's site for a contest she held not long ago. I think my good 'sister' will know the writer well, Nyperold."
BLAZE: (gasping) Flame's pitting me against a friend in a battlefield of wit, humour, and all that other stuff? ... Wow, she must be desperate...
NEGATIVE ANGEL: I said stop interrupting me! "I should be back by the end of the fic to see the results of the experiment. Enjoy your last hours of sanity, love Flame."
PSYCHO ORANGE: You sure you read that last bit right?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: That last bit had all these love-hearts and stars around it, I think Snowflake might have added that in herself.
BLAZE: Hey, if Flame's not around, then how'd she know we've read the fic?
[A loud slam is heard moments after BLAZE says those words, followed closely by the sounds of something being locked]
PSYCHO ORANGE: Happy now?
BLAZE: I think I might be having a delayed seizure...
Sea the Light
BLAZE: PUNS! The scum of the English language.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Up there alongside 'Mobile Phone speak' and H4xx00r Speak'.
PSYCHO ORANGE: How'd you pronounce that one, Neg?
NEGTIVE ANGEL: (*while holding her throat*) Don't know, but I think I dislocated a vocal cord or something.
The force struck him hard and fast.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Not just hard, but fast! It adds intensity to the action.
Mecha's fist slammed into Sonic's face,
BLAZE: NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE! 0_@
NEGATIVE ANGEL: My God what's that thing in your eye?!
BLAZE: I'm blind!
sending him hurling over the cliff.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Ewwwwww... Not after we've just eaten, please.
As he fell, he could hear
NEGATIVE ANGEL: The little voice in his head, telling him it was time to burn something again.
BLAZE: He stole my voice. (*sniffles*)
the screams of Sally and Tails at the top, as the evil robot no doubt
intended to kill them, or at least kidnap them.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Or just leave them alone, and chase that butterfly over there. Robots are merely children with a bloodthirsty twitch in their eye.
The cliff was massive,
BLAZE: Massively small! MASSIVELY SMALL!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Geez, calm down.
Sonic could feel the G-force against his face as he fell,
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Slowly peeling his skin off his skull like cheap contact paper on a book.
BLAZE: Icky...
and could see the roaring waterfall rushing down beside him.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sonic) Race ya to the bottom! WEEEEE!!!!
Then he hit the water. 'Belly flop'.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Ohhhh, that had to hurt.
[NEGATIVE ANGEL holds up a scorecard, flashing a 9.5]
NEGATIVE ANGEL: I'll upgrade it to a full ten if he dies.
Pain rushed through his body, and he curled into a ball to make it stop.
BLAZE: I wish this fic would stop.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Ah poopy. (*she scribbles out the score and writes another number. She holds it up to reveal a zero*)
PSYCHO ORANGE: A bit harsh, doncha think?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: You're mistaking me for someone that cares.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Damn. I thought I had the wrong furre.
When he pulled his head up, he didn't know where he was.
BLAZE: (*while waving her arms about*) I'M LOST! Where's my compass?
All the water looked the same. He couldn't tell the difference between up and down.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Wow, I always knew Sonic was stupid, but this really takes the cake.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Cake. Now I could go for some.
He swam through the murky water, trying to find some indication of which way the surface was. Suddenly,
BLAZE: he realised that he was swimming through lime Jell-O! The HORROR!
PSYCHO ORANGE: With fruit bits?
BLAZE: Oh yeah.
PSYCHO ORANGE: That is EVIL!
he felt a great
[ALL start coughing loudly]
force pushing him.
PSYCHO ORANGE: No, Spunky. No squeaky Monkey...
He tried to get away, but he was trapped. He was under the waterfall.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Looks like he won't be able to use a hairdryer now.
BLAZE: How about when he's asleep?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: He's more than welcome to try.
Now he knew which way was up.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Ralph) If I lean back I can see Heaven!
Only thing was, he was going the other way.
BLAZE: IT BURNS!
He was going down, down, down,
NEGATIVE ANGEL: For those reading at home, he's going down, old school style.
PSYCHO ORANGE and BLAZE: Word up, foo'!
caught in the rip. The water was darker near the bottom. He couldn't see anything.
BLAZE: Open your eyes, Ed!
His lungs really began to hurt.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh whine whine whine! That's all I hear from you! Show some backbone!
He managed to escape from the waterfall. Looking around, he realised
the horrible truth - he
BLAZE: really was swimming in lime Jell-O! WITH PINEAPPLE PIECES!
PSYCHO ORANGE: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
was lost again. Disoriented. His lungs pounded.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sonic's lungs) Let me out! It's dark and smelly in here, and I think the spleen is plotting something that isn't nice at all.
He couldn't see, the water was so dark, he could hear the sound of the
waterfall all around him, engulfing him.
PSYCHO ORANGE: High ho, swallow 'em whole.
BLAZE: The Hell?
PSYCHO ORANGE: I know, I'm scared too. (*shudders*)
So loud, so loud...
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Damn those teenagers and their rap music.
BLAZE: Hey! I like rap!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: My point exactly.
He tried to block his ears, but he was so weak... his lungs felt so compressed, they felt like they would explode.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Implode. Now that would be cool to see.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: The only way we could see it happen is if we slice his gut open.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Exactly.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh I love the way you think, Psy.
Nothing but darkness all around.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Funny, that's what Negative's room is like.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: We're in space! Of course it's going to be dark in my room!
BLAZE: But you have a perfect view of the sun!
Too weak to move. He closed his eyes, trying to block the pain from his
lungs.
BLAZE: From eyes to lungs. Sonic sure flunked Health Ed. horribly.
Spots before his eyes, now. So loud, the sound hurt his ears.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Boy! You turn that crap down now!
He got pins and needles.
PSYCHO ORANGE: And spikes, oh my.
So painful. He began to black out...
BLAZE: With white out.
When he woke up, he saw that he was
NEGATIVE ANGEL: in a Gonterman fic.
ALL: NOOOOOOO!!!! [BLAZE nearly has a seizure]
in a bed of some sort.
PSYCHO ORANGE: It appeared to have a mattress; some sheets here and there, perhaps a pillow or two. Well, I'm clueless to its kind.
Where was he? It felt as if he were still underwater, although he was not under the pounding waterfall now.
BLAZE: Then he realised he was in a fish tank at the exclusive Japanese Sushi Bar down the road. Turns out the Japanese like hedgehogs in their sushi.
PSYCHO ORANGE: But I like sushi!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: You're eating your own kind! Cannibal! [PSYCHO ORANGE begins crying pitifully]
A fish which was standing(?)
BLAZE: The author doesn't even know! We're so doomed!
nearby answered his question. "You are in a hospital in Yama, under the
water. Don't worry;
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Fish) We won't break out into a song and dance like those nut cases at Atlantica do every five minutes. We do it every _TWO_ minutes. Feel special.
we've fit you with temporary gills which allow you to breathe like us for 18 hours."
BLAZE: Only eighteen hours? Wow, these fish are not the type to share their special things, are they?
How long had they been working? wondered Sonic.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as fish) Twenty hours. Enjoy the Afterlife, be sure to bring an extra pair of underwear.
The fish answered, "6 hours, and yes, I can read your mind,
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Mandark) And I am smarter than you!
BLAZE: With Sonic, I can believe that.
PSYCHO ORANGE: HEY! Leave the poor guy alone. He had to be dragged into a bad fic.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Ask if I give a rat's.
as well as transmit my own thoughts to it, as can all medically
trained personnel.
BLAZE: (as fish) Did you know you have a hole in your head? You might want to fix that, I mean sure it's nice to think open-mindedly, but please! Dust could get in there.
It's a great help in sensing physical pain or discomfort, and
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as fish) ... why are you twitching so much?
in seeing what happened from the patient's perspective."
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as fish) You actually let a tin can beat you up? What are you, a wimp or something?
"How did I get here?"
"We found you
BLAZE: in a bottle. With this message: 'Love me, please?'
outside the Yama city dome, and we brought you inside.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: I love bringing strays into our secret world. I like to guess what diseases they could spread over our people.
When this 'Mecha', whatever that is, pushed you off the cliff, you fell
under the waterfall. From there, I assume it pushed you out from under
itself, the current dragged you downstream, out to sea, where we found
you.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Wow, now THAT'S a summary!
BLAZE: FIC'S OVER! YAY!
Usually, above-water patients send for an underwater transport
vehicle to take them to Yama. You're all better now. Would you like
to go home?"
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sonic) Can't I stay here with you guys? Mobius is too big and scary for me, and I'm afraid of the trees. They're EVERYWHERE!
"Yes, of course!"
"Then follow me."
BLAZE: (as Sonic) Whoa, no one said anything about following you! I was just going to thump you over the head with a frying pan and have you for lunch.
"By the way, who are you?"
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as fish) I am... your father!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Now that would explain EVERYTHING!
"My name is Dagina."
BLAZE: Oh... you had cruel parents.
***
BLAZE: COOL! Space Invaders. I haven't played this game for ages. (*starts making cheap video game sound effects*)
Sally and Tails yelled, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" as Sonic plummeted over the
cliff.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) He still owed me money!
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) He still has my Rolex!
BLAZE: I'm afraid it was an impostor.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: You need a better life.
Mecha gave them just enough time to see them hit the water.
BLAZE: Them? There's two Sonics?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Now that's a nightmare!
"Now I will be the real Sssonic!" he gloated. He pushed and shoved
Sally and Tails all the way to Robotropolis.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh yeah! I'm so in charge now! Fear my bossiness!
***
[PSYCHO ORANGE starts wiping at the screen]
NEGATIVE ANGEL: What are you doing?
PSYCHO ORANGE: Someone left bug guts on the screen.
BLAZE: Ewwwww!
11:30 left...
BLAZE: Is that all? Who's been eating my peanut butter cookies?!
[NEGATIVE ANGEL and PSYCHO ORANGE start looking uneasy]
As Dagina and Sonic approached the Transport, they heard strange noises
all along the side.
PSYCHO ORANGE: O--
NEGATIVE ANGEL: One word out of you and we're having hedgehog tail for dinner.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (*while clutching his tail*) NOO! I need this thing to walk straight!
BLAZE: You can't even do that after you've had a bottle of Vanilla Coke.
PSYCHO ORANGE: It's like eating ice cream and drinking Coke at once!
As they looked, a HUGE fish SMASHED the doors to the outside!
"Oh dear.
BLAZE: Why am I getting Alpha Five from the Power Rangers flashbacks?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh you poor thing.
We probably shouldn't try to open them now. I suspect the
PSYCHO ORANGE: Jehovah's Witnesses want us to join them again.
BLAZE: Just tell them you're organising a Christmas party and need someone to help with the streamers. That'll scare them off.
same has been done to the other transport exit doors."
"What was that?!?"
NEGATIVE ANGEL: AHH! Disembodied voices!
BLAZE: THEY'RE AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS AGAIN! (*hides under her seat*)
PSYCHO ORANGE: Hey! You have Lucky Charms? Share, damnit!
BLAZE: (from under her seat) You're one of them!
"Oh, our enemies. They've been trying to destroy us for years."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Dagina) Ho hum, they only want our land for their evil ways. And to kill our kind until we're extinct, and steal our secret sauce. It's nothing really. Want some gum?
"Is there another way out?"
Dagina rubbed her chin with her fins.
BLAZE: (as Dagina) Ahh, smooth!
"There is another exit, but you must have emeralds to use it."
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh, no. This reeks of a Sonic Adventure 3 wanna-be.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: If Shadow comes in, and claims to have survived by Chaos Control, this author dies. (*draws her sword and stabs at the air in front of the fic*)
"I don't have emeralds, but why do I need them? I can breathe. Gills,
remember?"
BLAZE: The what now? Ohhhh, gills! Right, right. Freak of nature, gotcha.
"Yes, but your body isn't built for the pressures of the deep.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Dagina) We experimented with a watermelon to prove this theory. Let's just say, there wasn't enough left of the watermelon to make juice.
The dome around the city greatly reduces the pressure. Without emeralds, the sea outside will crush you."
BLAZE: Now that I would love to see. I'm guessing it'll be the highlight of the fic.
"Just great. Now what?"
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Dagina) Dunno. I'm a fish, I have a three second memo-- who are you? Where am I? Wha-- Who are you? Where am I? Wha-- Who are...
NEGATIVE ANGEL: We get it, Psy!
"Well, there are the water emeralds."
"Water emeralds?"
BLAZE: (as the same time as "Water Emeralds?") Plot convenience?
PSYCHO ORANGE: (same as above) Sega rip-off?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (you know it) Death wish?
"Yes, 7 specialized emeralds which change the water pressure around
their bearer to an acceptable level.
PSYCHO ORANGE: You are NOT acceptable! Not now, not ever!
Oncce the real water pressure is equal to the pressure that the emeralds give you, they teleport to their hiding places."
BLAZE: In other words they do their job, then rack off to grab a beer and a smoke.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Your Australian lingo is so crude!
BLAZE: Watch it, sport.
"Hiding places?"
PSYCHO ORANGE: Man Sonic's deaf! Do we really need to recap every five seconds?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: So which one's the fish? Dagina or Sonic?
BLAZE: What are we doing here?
PSYCHO ORANGE: I think Blaze is the fish.
"Yes. We can't let just anyone have the emeralds.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Dagina) That would be TOO easy!
There are some who would take them to the enemy, who would use them for their own purposes.
PSYCHO ORANGE: What could you possibly use Water Emeralds for? Honestly, it's not like they're powerful enough to make you rule the world, they just adjust the bloody water pressure!
BLAZE: Oh ye of little faith. There's bound to be something the author's gonna pluck from the air to make this fic reasonably impossible.
They might crush them, knowing full well that the dome would implode from the outside pressure.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (monotone voice) Great. These enemies of theirs sure are crafty little buggers.
BLAZE: Just put them in a bowl and toss it over a bridge! That'll do the trick!
It is only when they are intact that the dome holds."
PSYCHO ORANGE: They're made of super glue.
"Where are they?"
BLAZE: (as Dagina) You sure ask a lot of questions. What are you, a teenager or something?
"I don't know, and I only know the riddle telling when they are. I am
at least authorized to tell it to you."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Wow, that's one heck of a responsibility. You sure it's a good idea to trust it to a fish?
"I'm listening."
PSYCHO ORANGE: LIES! You're full of LIES!
***
BLAZE: Dagina's thought patterns. She doesn't believe Sonic either.
Back in
NEGATIVE ANGEL: my day, we didn't have fanfiction. We had to listen to the radio and eat nothing but stale popcorn and prunes grandpa used to make us eat. And as soon as the war broke out we had to have someone stand outside on the roof and point a metal stick in random directions until we got an unauthorised radio signal.
BLAZE: Your days sound so much better. Not so painful like today.
Robotropolis...
PSYCHO ORANGE: Things were happening. People were being tormented, a fat guy chuckled. You know, the usual activity.
"It does not behoove you to struggle, Freedom Fighters," warned
Mecha.
BLAZE: (as Mecha Sonic) Fear my made up words of confusion!
"You only waste your energy."
"Where are you taking us?" demanded Sally.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Disneyland! The Big-eared master awaits!
"To Robotnik, of course," sneered Mecha.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh, this robot is so damn witty! I would kill for his skills in sarcasm!
***
BLAZE: MY EYES! IT BURNS!
11:27...
PSYCHO ORANGE: It can't be that late already!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Time flies when you're being tortured with bad fanfiction.
"This riddle was designed to help;
The first is near plants that make you yelp.
BLAZE: ... HELP ME!
Do your best to heed this rhyme;
The second you will find in time.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Three years later...
Time for a little fun;
The third is found where some fish run.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: ... away from those crazy lunatics from Atlantica.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sebastian) Sing wit' me, mon! You know you love my fake Jamaican lingo! Aye, mon! We be singin' now!
BLAZE: That was... traumatising.
If the fourth one can't be found,
You might want to live in a hole in the ground.
PSYCHO ORANGE: That's where Negative lives.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: You will die for that one, cat guts.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (*while looking down at himself*) But... I don't have a gut. Geez, I can barely find myself.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: You reek of stupidity, you know that don't you?
You don't have to be a scientist,
To know the fifth one shouldn't be missed.
BLAZE: (*suddenly cries out*)
NEGATIVE ANGEL: What? What's wrong?
BLAZE: I missed the fifth episode of ZOIDS! I didn't set the VCR!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Ohhh, that's horrible! I wanted to watch it!
The location of the sixth, if you can tell,
You know you'll be doing well.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: We've survived this far, so I guess we're doing okay. Right, guys?
PSYCHO ORANGE: I NEED MY PILLS!
BLAZE: I missed ZOIDS! (*cries hysterically*)
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (*sighs*) That comment just went out the window.
There is nothing up my sleeve;
BLAZE: (as Bullwinkle) PRESTO! (*pulls out a pair of boxer shorts*)
PSYCHO ORANGE: GAH! (*snatches the boxers from Blaze and blushes*) I HATE it when you do that! (*stands up and starts undoing his button on his pants*)
NEGATIVE ANGEL: NOT IN FRONT OF ME! You want me to have a heart attack? Go over there, you goose!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh grow up, Neggy! (*walks off anyway*)
Take the seventh one and leave."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: And never come back, lousy kids...
"But how will I remember all that?" inquired Sonic.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (*while returning*) Doubtful...
BLAZE: You put your pants on backwards, Psy. [NEGATIVE ANGEL starts snickering]
PSYCHO ORANGE: I what? That would explain why I couldn't get my tail though the hole...
NEGATIVE ANGEL: AHH! (*covers her eyes*) Damnit, Psy! I can see your boxers still!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh they're just pieces of material slapped together to cover my front! Geez!
"Here, take this," replied Dagina. "It's an exact copy of the riddle.
Now go! You don't have much time!"
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Couldn't she have given that to Sonic before?
BLAZE: It seems the author thinks we're interested in the riddle.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (*snorts*) He wishes!
***
BLAZE: Three star rating? That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?
"The Doctor will see you now," joked Mecha, robo-laughing at his
funny, which wasn't very.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: At least the author can admit to things like that.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Now, if the author had him say 'Hello, Clarice. I would enjoy you for dinner,' I would be pretty much wetting myself with laughter.
BLAZE: Thankfully the author knows how you think and goes for the opposite.
"Welcome, my furry friends," said Dr. Robotnik. "I've been expecting you."
PSYCHO ORANGE: SURE you have. You were waiting for the pizza guy, admit it!
BLAZE: (as Robotnik) He's five minutes late. I get all six hundred for free!
"Enough chit-chat, Robotnik, what do you intend to do with us?" said
Sally.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sally) And it better not be another tea party. I didn't get one sip of the stuff because of your shenanigans.
"I intend to robotize you," replied Robotnik.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh, THAT'S original.
"Or rather, not robotize you and say I did." Tails spoke up. "What good'll that do you?"
BLAZE: (as Tails) I'm SO independent. (*GLEE!*)
"You'll see," Robotnik laughed evilly.
PSYCHO ORANGE: That's when the lights flickered out.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Robotnik) DAMN! Now they'll never see my fiendish plan in action. Damn that light bulb budget to Hell and back.
***
PSYCHO ORANGE: Whose been taking target shots at the fic?
[BLAZE hides her cap gun]
11:22
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Wow, a perfect split!
Sonic puzzled over the first part.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sonic) This? What does it all mean?!
Plants that make you yelp?
BLAZE: Oh, this one time, okay this one time, I, like, pricked myself on this huge cactus plant, and I was, like, screaming for days on end. I wouldn't have a clue how cartoon characters can land on one and not shed a tear.
PSYCHO ORANGE: You're weird...
He tried to remember names of plants -- specifically underwater plants. None he could think of sounded like they would make one yelp. He hesitated.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: The third door! Choose the third door!
BLAZE: The answer's 42. It never fails!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Give up! Just take the money and run!
Sounds like? Yelp? What if... He remembered a plant he had read about before. He thought it had had a funny name at the time.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Marijuana? Why would you want to marry?
BLAZE: No drug references, please. This is a kids show.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: KIDS?! I hate little kids. They always get stuck between my teeth.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Play nice, Neggy. Besides, they're my dinner.
It was... kelp. He looked around for a map, which he found on a wall.
BLAZE (as Church Lady) How COOOOOONNNNVVVVEEENNNIIIIENNNNTTTT!
He scanned it for kelp. And there it was... kelp beds. He headed to the north.
BLAZE: Nap time!
***
BLAZE: Ummm... ummm...
PSYCHO ORANGE: Come on, Blaze. You can do it.
BLAZE: Umm... LOOK! Starfish! I throw Starfish at you, WAHH!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: See what happens when you encourage her?
Sally and Tails were encased in separate glass tubes. They looked up
and saw the lens that would... that would... what?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sally) Hey, I can see myself in it! (*starts pretending to fix her hair*)
Robotnik had said that it wouldn't robotize them. Was he lying? A distinct possibility. But what if...
PSYCHO ORANGE: The world was Cadbury?
BLAZE: Ohhh, that's my favourite dream! (*sighs blissfully*)
***
BLAZE: Chocolate stars... (*sighs again*)
10:30
PSYCHO ORANGE: The clock's running BACKWARDS!
BLAZE: That means lunch won't be til yesterday.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Give them a hand, folks!
Sonic arrived at the kelp beds.
NEGATIVE ANGE: (as Sonic) Sonic be sleepy now... (*yawns*)
He looked around for the emerald. He finally spotted it at the base of one of the plants. He reached out for it...
BLAZE: You've got to... REACHHHHHHHHH!!!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: AHHH! That killed!
only to be narrowly missed by a spine.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Psy! Are you eating wild animals again?
PSYCHO ORANGE: (*looking up, mouth full*) No...
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Yes you are, you threw a spine at the fic!
PSYCHO ORANGE: (*swallows*) Why would I do that? I love eating the spine. Spinal fluid... mmmmmmm...
"We wouldn't do dat if we wuz you," threatened a voice.
BLAZE: Reward your curiosity.
"And why not?" queried Sonic.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Hey, can Sonic talk underwater?
PSYCHO ORANGE: Depends. Do fish speak gangster?
BLAZE: Stop using mind-games!
The owner of the voice gave a signal, and all his gang showed themselves.
BLAZE: AHHHHHHH!!!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Not like that, Blaze.
BLAZE: Be still my heart.
Sonic could see urchins peeking
BLAZE: MUMMMMMM!!! (*passes out*)
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (*sighs*) Not again.
out from the surrounding kelp plants. "Go ahead, take it," the urchin challenged,
PSYCHO ORANGE: Reward your curiosity.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Don't make me call a quota on Vanilla Coke references.
"and show us you're not spineless."
"Oh, I know about spines, I have some myself. But they're stuck in me."
BLAZE: (*while reviving*) Oh ho! Sonic's so witty. I love his endless wit.
"As youse can see, we can throw ours."
BLAZE: Oh! They're even wittier. When will it end? I can't decide who's funnier.
Sonic decided he had to take action.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh, so Mister Special was able to find time to take action I see. Well then, perhaps you'll act in character and kick some tail, huh?
He grabbed the emerald and curled
PSYCHO ORANGE: His quills. Strange time to get in touch with his feminine side.
BLAZE: At least he tries it.
up into a ball, just in time for a spine to bounce off.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: All except one, which sliced right through his throat.
He rolled
PSYCHO ORANGE: (*gasps*) HE'S USING DRUGS!
BLAZE: Oh please. How is he going to smoke it underwater?
PSYCHO ORANGE: HE'S USING DRUGS!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Let it go, Blaze. He isn't listening.
away as fast as he could, spines flying after him...
PSYCHO ORANGE: YEAH! Get out of here you lousy drug sniffer!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: He's never going to get over this now...
***
PSYCHO ORANGE: What Sonic will be seeing if I ever catch him. Drug sniffer...
Robotnik turned on the beams which were aimed at Sally and Tails.
BLAZE: As recapped five minutes ago.
He left it on for a few seconds.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Over-melting his cheese in the microwave.
When the beam subsided, they checked themselves.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) Arms?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) Check!
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) Legs?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) Check.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) Tails?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) What?
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) Tails.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) WHAT?!
BLAZE: Enough already. We have six pages left. Let's hurry up.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Hey, look at the neat pattern we made.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: That is kind of neat actually...
PSYCHO ORANGE: Really?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: No, I was lying through me teeth.
They certainly didn't feel different. They didn't look different.
BLAZE: (as Tails) AH! I HAVE ANOTHER TAIL!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sally) But you've always had...
BLAZE: (as Tails now crying) I'm a freak of nature. Curse you, Robotnik!
They hadn't changed location. What had happened?
PSYCHO ORANGE: You were transported into a crappy fic.
BLAZE: Oh the poor things...
At this point, Mecha spoke. "The hedgehog has been found, and executed as per your instructions."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: They ran him over with a semi-truck.
"EXECUTED?!?" Sally and Tails yelled together.
BLAZE: Ah! Not so loud, geez.
Robotnik laughed. "Excellent, excellent." The tube raised.
BLAZE: AHH!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Not so loud!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Raised? RAISED?! It's ROSE! It's not a flower, it's raise in past tense, dangit.
"You may go, Freedom Fighters."
"Huh?"
PSYCHO ORANGE: But I went before we left home.
BLAZE: Oh ew, Psy.
"I said, 'You may go.' and don't forget to
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Flush the toilet properly. You left a floater last time.
BLAZE: Oh ick, Negative!
check out my new castle ornament. Mecha will escort you."
"Come along, Freedom Fighters, and don't make trouble along the way."
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Mecha) I prefer tea, to be honest.
***
BLAZE: (in a thick English accent) Scone?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Delighted.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Stop that.
10:00
Sonic saw another map.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sonic) OH WOW! Now I can add it to my collection! This is so wizard!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Wizard? Did you just say wizard?
PSYCHO ORANGE: Help me... the fic is warping my mind. I can feel it dying so slowly...
He looked at the second verse. Found in time... found in time...
BLAZE: (as Sonic) Duhhhh...
Are there time travellers here? He heard a sound from the southeast.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: It was the distinct sound of a can of whoop arse being open. BY ME! (*she lungs at the fic, only to be tackled by PSYCHO ORANGE*)
PSYCHO ORANGE: DOWN GIRL! DOWN I SAID!
He looked at the map again. A clock tower! He swam as fast as he could.
BLAZE: Considering Sonic can't swim at all, it's amazing he lasted this long.
***
BLAZE: Do I REALLY have to riff the page separators? They're annoying.
PSYCHO ORANGE: You'll riff them, and you'll do it with a smile.
BLAZE: I hate smiling.
Mecha shoved them outside.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Eh?
BLAZE: Outside, not Outcast. We're safe.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh good. For a second there I thought we had been warped beyond saving.
They noticed the wind had picked up some.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Some, some what? Come on you can tell us. We can keep a secret.
They turned to the left and gasped.
BLAZE: AH! LEFT!
There, on a pole, was the head of Sonic the Hedgehog!
ALL: YAY! HE'S DEAD
BLAZE: THAY DYED! WOT A GRATE FIC!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh it was worth it after all.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Umm... isn't he underwater still?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Are you crushing our dreams?
PSYCHO ORANGE: No ma'am.
They could see it was still wet, as there were drops of
BLAZE: Spam jelly.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh ick, Blaze.
water dripping straight down to the ground. Sally reached out and touched his face.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sally) Squishy...
There wasn't time to break down and cry; there were SWAT-bots about.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh you and your damn excuse!
They rushed back toward Knothole, Mecha stealthily following.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Mecha) Now to follow them, like the silent wind blowing through the-- (*feigns tripping, making a loud crack sound*) AH! Who put that there? (*feigns getting up, only to trip again*) ICK! Road kill! I can't believe-- uh no, they've spotted me! Darn these forests and all its dead animals lying around.
***
BLAZE: Speed bumps.
PSYCHO ORANGE: More like road spikes.
9:00
Sonic stared at the clock tower.
BLAZE: (as Sonic) 9 o' clock? But it was 8 an hour ago.
Where should he start looking?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Heaven forbid at the clock you're staring at.
A line came back to him:
PSYCHO ORANGE: ________________________________
NEGATIVE ANGEL: ___... I was going to do that!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Ha, too slow.
"The second you will find in time." It was definitely referring to the second emerald,
BLAZE: No duh!
but could it also mean the second hand?
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh my God Sonic has two hands! FREAK!
It was worth a try.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Heh, yeah. Sure. Believe what you must.
He got closer to the clock face and looked intently at the second hand.
BLAZE: (as Sonic, proudly) The big hand is on the twelve!
There it was -- right on the tip. He snatched it, cutting his hand in the process.
PSYCHO ORANGE: That'll learn ya.
"OUCH!" Sonic shouted, and dropped the emerald.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Ah grab it quick. I don't want to be stuck here after hours!
He covered his bleeding hand with
BLAZE: A trout.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Heh, trout.
the other. He had to swim for it, or else he'd have a lot worse than a cut hand.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Yeah. I mean he could get a paper cut, or a scraped knee. The possibilities are endless.
He finally grasped it, and looked at the third verse of the riddle.
BLAZE: Uhh... whose idea was for this fic to have seven emeralds in it?
***
BLAZE: Um... I'm too tired to care.
Sally and Tails got to a place where the SWAT-bots stopped following,
PSYCHO ORANGE: and decided to be dangerous and daring and began pulling faces at them, calling them names, you know, daring childish things.
and fell sobbing into each others' arms. Mecha watched the outburst of emotion with glee.
BLAZE: (as Mecha) I love watching people in pain, even though I don't know what it feels like myself. **GLEE**
They will go tell the others soon, thought Mecha, and they will despair such that they will give up easily after Sally and Tails lead me there.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Great plan. One problem, they could fight back with such force you'll end up scrap metal.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh please, the main character's dead.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh right. Then they'll fall like a house made of cards.
"Sally?" asked Tails.
"Yes, Tails?"
"There's something bothering me about... well, everything."
"Like?"
BLAZE: (as Tails) Like what's up with living in the forest? I mean, come on! Our enemy lives in a city for crying out loud. He has electricity, running water, refrigerators, and what do we have? A bunch of trees and a river. Can't we build a city or at least a metal fortress? And what's up with me wearing nothing? I mean can pants really hurt me? And on top of that can't you at least wear a dress? You're a girl, act it. Be all weak and whiny like the other girls. You're too tough and leader-like. I hate being bossed around by a girl.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Quiet time now, Blaze.
BLAZE: What's up with that?!
"Well, why didn't he robotize us? Or hypnotize us? Or even kill us?
You know how much he hates the Freedom Fighters."
"I really don't know."
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) Tell me of these... Freedom Fighters.
"And there's something about Sonic's head that isn't right, but I
can't put my finger on it."
"Tails,
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sally) That's his nose.
I felt his face. It feels, and looks, exactly the way it should look. Let's go home."
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) It's time to feed you and make you do your business in the potty.
BLAZE: What's with all the toilet humour?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: We're getting desperate now...
"But Sally, I want to go back and see!"
"I know, but there are SWAT-bots out there! They'll catch you if you
give them a chance!"
BLAZE: Then don't give them a chance. DUH!
"I don't care! I want to see Sonic!" Tails ran back toward the palace
with Sally in hot pursuit!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Damn bratty kids and they're spoilt ways. I told Sally she was spoiling him!
***
BLAZE: I want cookies, right now.
PSYCHO ORANGE: No.
BLAZE: Okay then. (*she begins gnawing on the seats*)
NEGATIVE ANGEL: HEY HEY! Stop that, act civilized!
BLAZE: But I don't wanna. I wanna be wild and free.
PSYCHO ORANGE: No more documentaries for you, young lady.
BLAZE: Awww...
8:30
Running? thought Sonic.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sonic) I can think with my brain.
Cool. But running fish? Sonic thought back... He looked at a nearby map.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Are those maps everywhere?
BLAZE: Union rules.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Stupid union rules.
Lungfish Tracks! Lungfish ran... sort of.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Actually they just lie there and breathe really wheezy-like. I hate those fish.
He set off to the west.
BLAZE: Where Will Smith was waiting for him for a Showdown at dawn.
***
BLAZE: BANG! I shot you!
Mecha remained hidden. Why
NEGATIVE ANGEL: couldn't anyone find him?
do they run back to the palace? He thought. After they passed, he
PSYCHO ORANGE: realised he used bad English. Why do they run? The hell is up with that? It's Why DID they run?
followed silently. Tails scanned for SWAT-bots.
BLAZE: By shouting very loudly asking if there were any SWATbots around.
When he felt the coast was clear, he
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Spilt gallons of oil into the ocean. He is not environmentally friendly.
PSYCHO ORANGE: He's a freak with two tails, of course he's gonna have a grudge with nature.
ran up to Sonic's head. He brushed his windblown fur out of his face.
BLAZE: (as Tails) Ah I hate when my fur does that.
He watched the drops of water fall off his face into puddles.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Whose now?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: I'm lost.
BLAZE: I rather watch paint dry. I did that once, it's a lot more exciting than people claim it is.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Blaze, you-- never mind.
Then he summoned all his strength, and KICKED the post furiously.
BLAZE: Go to Hell, post!
Sonic's head faded out.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Wow, now that was neat.
"A hologram," said Tails. "But -- I touched it!"
BLAZE: (as Tails) EWWW! I TOUCHED Sonic!
"It must've been a hard light hologram."
PSYCHO ORANGE: Since when were we trapped in Photoshop?
"But how did you figure it out?"
"The drops were falling straight down. In this wind, they should've
fallen at an angle. And see? The puddles are gone."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) I got it in the potty!
BLAZE: Oh ick, N.A. Stop that.
So it was a lie that that was Sonic's head. But was it also a lie that Sonic was dead?
PSYCHO ORANGE: I hope not.
***
7:30
Sonic
PSYCHO ORANGE: YOU LIED TO US, FIC! YOU LIED!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Calm down.
arrived at the stadium. He went inside. He saw the track through the bubble. It was all muddy.
BLAZE: (as Sonic) Ew. MUD. I hate mud, it's just so dirty.
He saw a fish-like creature dressed like a coach.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh, that's just sad...
He went through a door into a waterlock. As his gills stopped being covered with water, he felt like he couldn't breathe properly.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Through your nose, Sonic. The nose. No, don't close your mouth.
He was, in effect, a fish, as far as breathing goes.
BLAZE: Went even.
He threw
NEGATIVE ANGEL: up.
the "reverse" switch, and the room filled back up with water. Just in time. He exited the way he came.
BLAZE: A...
PSYCHO ORANGE: NO BLAZE!
He found two bowls, which
NEGATIVE ANGEL: had fish in them. Sonic entertained himself for a few hours tormenting the fish by trying to grab them with his hands.
PSYCHO ORANGE: That's what you do, Neggy.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: I HATE fish.
he took with him into the waterlock. He held them to his gills as the water level dropped. Great, he thought, it works. He went up to the coach and asked,
BLAZE: (as Sonic) Do these make me look fat?
"You wouldn't know where I could find a water emerald, would you?"
He said, "I have it. But I'm not gonna give it to ya unless you beat
my fastest runner. Skipper! Get over here!"
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh, Skipper had cruel parents, too.
BLAZE: ACK! PUN!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Where?
BLAZE: Aren't lungfish like mud skippers as well?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh... this author dies...
BLAZE: He's a friend, you can't hurt friends!
PSYCHO ORANGE: She always hurts me.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Who said anything about me being your friend?
PSYCHO ORANGE: No need to be harsh, we're all pretending to be your friend here too.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: DIE! (*she tackles PSYCHO ORANGE and starts strangling him*)
BLAZE: Here we go...
"Yes, sir, coach!"
BLAZE: Make up your mind, boy.
"I want youse to race..."
"Sonic." Sonic filled in.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as the coach) You had cruel parents, kid. Worse than Skipper's.
"...Sonic for me. Behind that line!" Sonic and Skipper stood side by
side behind the line. "This line is also the finish line. Whoever
crosses it first, wins! On your mark... get set...
BLAZE: (as the coach) GOLDFISH! Ha, got you there. Okay, ready set... goose! Ha, man I love doing this to kids.
go!" Sonic and Skipper took off. They were pretty evenly matched, as Sonic had to keep his gills covered.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Suuuuure... he's just really slow. He's full of lies!
Sonic knew it would be no contest if he didn't have to wear these goofy bowls on his face. He spindashed the last few yards, almost
BLAZE: Cheating, of all the things.
losing the bowls! But he made it. He had won! The coach relenquished
NEGATIVE ANGEL: That's spelt wrong.
the emeralds. Sonic thanked him, entered the waterlock, and
PSYCHO ORANGE: Pressed his butt against the glass, mooning the coach.
waited for the water to cover the bowls before dropping them. He left the waterlock, and paused again to get his bearings.
BLAZE: Look kids, a bear. Where's the honey, we'll smear it on your face and take a picture of the bear licking it off.
***
BLAZE: or better yet, strap these pieces of raw meat on you. Now that'll make a great photo for the living room.
Mecha revealed himself.
BLAZE: AHHHH!!! I'M SORRY! WHATEVER I DID WRONG I'M SO SORRY!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Maybe we shouldn't let her read lemons any more.
PSYCHO ORANGE: LET her? Last I checked we were FORCED to read lemons.
"So, you have discovered our trick, eh? Well, you still only know that that was not Sonic!" Mecha taunted. "And
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Mecha) I've just made a moron out of myself.
now, I must be off!" He took off. Sally and Tails looked at each other and sighed.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Tails) Man, what a loser.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sally) I know. He tries too hard.
It was true. They didn't really know Sonic was alive. So, they snuck around Robotropolis looking for him.
BLAZE: Marco!
NEGATIVE ANGEL and PSYCHO ORANGE: Polo!
***
7:00
Live in a hole in the ground?
PSYCHO ORANGE: Mecha might want to do that after making a complete jack arse out of himself.
Seeing a map, he checked it out. The residential area, that must be what it means. He headed north.
BLAZE: Where moose roam freely and lemmings jump off cliffs.
***
BLAZE: Large scene pending...
Sally and Tails were ambushed by a battalion of SWAT-bots! Tails
twisted the tails for which he was named around each other and took
off, airlifting Sally onto a building! Finding a leaky fuel
canister, they threw it leak-first onto the crowd. The canister
exploded as fuel and electricity combined, destroying quite a few
SWAT-bots and offlining many! They coptered over to another area
of Robotropolis.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: How intense was that?
PSYCHO ORANGE: Exactly. How?
BLAZE: I'm so horribly confused now.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: You're always confused.
***
BLAZE: Star light, star bright...
6:00
As it turned out, this was one of the easiest to get.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Finally! The author's getting bored.
He grabbed it from a hole in the wall of the first residence he came to. Which was good, because it
PSYCHO ORANGE: caused the whole city to collapse on itself. Good times all around!
took a long time to find the map.
BLAZE: Are you blind? It's right there! (*points randomly*)
***
BLAZE: ... first star I see tonight...
They saw a building with a door marked
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Danger: Over-used fanfiction plots within.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) This is a good place to get ideas...
"Hard Light Generator". They
PSYCHO ORANGE: Sighed with disappointment and continued their search for the elusive toilet.
went inside.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: AMAZING!
***
BLAZE: ... I wish I may, I wish I might...
5:30
PSYCHO ORANGE: Stupid clock...
Scientist? Labs. He was
NEGATIVE ANGEL: confused beyond belief.
off before you could say "chili dog."
PSYCHO ORANGE: Chilidog! BAH!
***
BLAZE: ... have this wish I wish tonight. (*she goes quiet for a moment*)
NEGATIVE ANGEL: What is she wishing for?
PSYCHO ORANGE: Hopefully for this fic to finish early.
Before them stood a huge machine. Was it the generator?
BLAZE: (*breaking out of her silence*) Didn't you read the sign outside?
If so, and it was in Robotnik's hands, it would be best to trash it.
PSYCHO ORANGE: WOOT! Smashing time!
Tails picked up a stray tool and threw it. It hit near the bottom, making no impact. "Sally,
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) You throw like a girl!
BLAZE: (as Sally) But you were the one that threw it.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) It's okay, I know admitting to such a weakness is hard, but you must before you hurt yourself with such delusions.
stand near the door. I'm going to fly these tools up there and drop them in."
"Tails... NO!" she said as he flew up to the machine.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) That's the STUPIDEST idea I've ever heard. Get down here and think of something else. Don't make me come up there, mister.
She got near the door when she knew he
BLAZE: was going to make a huge mess.
wasn't going to stop for anything. It took a long time to fly up there. He perched himself on a ledge near where he would throw the tools.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: And started chirping 'Tails want a cracker, Tails want a cracker. SQWARK!'
***
BLAZE: I hope my wish comes true...
PSYCHO ORANGE: What did you wish for, Matchbox?
BLAZE: I can't tell you! It won't come true if I do.
4:30
Sonic opened the door to the lab. He saw a couple of scientists
engaged in study. He thought quietly, "Excuse me."
"Yes, how can I help you?"
NEGATIVE ANGEL: They can hear him?!
BLAZE: They communicate through thoughts, remember?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: You're paying attention to the fic?
BLAZE: It's a friend's. Special treatment.
"I'm looking for a water emerald."
PSYCHO ORANGE: Sorry, only have Chaos Emeralds. We don't accept imitations.
"There's one right over there, among those three trapezoid-shaped
pans. Be careful, though.
BLAZE: ...We don't know what trapezoid means, but it sounds painful.
The pan on the right contains sulfuric acid, the pan on the left contains sodium, and the pan on the far side contains nitroglycerine."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Ooooooo, I like this place.
BLAZE: Hey, that was my line!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Those are spelt wrong...
"How do you keep it in the pan?"
PSYCHO ORANGE: Magic! Do you believe in magic?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: No, not really.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Good, because if you did I would have to hurt you.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: HA! You wish!
"The pans each have something that makes the whole chemical stick
to it. Now, we must get back to work."
BLAZE: (as a random scientist) HEY! These cells look like bo--
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Blaze, not here.
"Okay, thanks."
"You're welcome."
PSYCHO ORANGE: Or IS he?
He examined the substances. Hydrochloric acid eats at some substances
when they touch it. Nitroglycerine can explode if moved violently.
Sodium bursts into flame it comes into contact with water... aha!
BLAZE: AH! Don't scare me like that!
[PSYCHO ORANGE hums the Sodium Song]
He reached across the pan on the left and got the emerald. He got
a little on his elbow, but that didn't bother him.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Burned like Hell, but eh, it's all good still.
The scientist he had talked to earlier inquired, "How did you get the emerald?"
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sonic) Um, I reached over for it with my hand... I think...
"Sodium reacts with water, and this substance" -- he showed them his elbow
BLAZE: (as scientist) AH! Get it away from me!
-- "doesn't, so I knew that it couldn't be sodium."
"Absolutely correct! You didn't think we'd have real sodium touching water, did you?"
NEGATIVE ANGEL: If you were smart you would.
"Not after I remembered what it does when water touches it!" Sonic grinned.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sonic) I'm a big boy today!
"Is there anything else you need?"
Sonic looked at the riddle. "Hmm..."
BLAZE: (as Sonic) Do you have the script? I forgot my lines.
***
BLAZE: There's too many of these things!
Tails threw one tool and flew away, waiting a few minutes. It did
PSYCHO ORANGE: not jump up and attacked Tails, unfortunately.
no damage. He went back, threw another tool, and flew away again.
Same thing.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) Am I doing it right, sir?!
He repeated this until all that was left was the toolbox, which
BLAZE: attacked him brutally.
he readied himself to throw. All of a sudden, Mecha appeared beside him with Sally.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Tails) AHH! AHH! AH-- oh Sally, it's you.
"Oh Tails, I have something to throw in."
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Tails) HEY! That would be perfect. Toss it in, Mecha!
BLAZE: (as Sally) You are so dead when I get my hands on you...
***
BLAZE: Oh look, they're holding hands!
ALL: (singing) Haaaannndssss across the fanfictionnnnnn...
4:00
"You wouldn't have a map around here, would you?"
PSYCHO ORANGE: Oh, we've run out of convenient maps I see.
"What kind of map?"
"A map of Yama."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sonic) I want to see where the starfish live!
"Here's one."
"Thanks!"
BLAZE: This pointless conversation brought to you by the letter B for bite me.
Sonic looked at the riddle, then the map, then back to the riddle.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sonic) They BOTH have squiggly lines on them! I'm confused...
Doing well. A water well? No, there's water everywhere.
PSYCHO ORANGE: So let's all have a drink!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Fish pee in there.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Ewww...
Perhaps 'well' as in, not ill?
[PSYCHO ORANGE starts yelling and screaming randomly]
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Psy isn't well.
BLAZE: He sounds strong.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: No, he isn't well in the head.
PSYCHO ORANGE: A mutilated take from the film Psycho, people!
The hospital! Back southwest he went.
BLAZE: GO SOUTHWESSSSTTTTTTTT!!!
***
BLAZE: Has anyone else noticed when I make a comment we have a scene-change?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: You change scenes, Blaze!
BLAZE: I know, I know. I'm so a Goddess of the fanfic here.
Mecha prepared to throw Sally in, but Tails stopped him with a
head-spinning right cross.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Mecha was so confused by the strange manoeuvre he dropped Sally and slowly backed away from the fox in fear of him confusing him further.
Mecha countered by shooting a flash in Tails's eye.
BLAZE: AHHHHH! (*covers her eyes*)
He cringed, and lost depth perception.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Umm...
PSYCHO ORANGE: You don't know what that means, do you?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (shamefully) No.
PSYCHO ORANGE: I do, but I'm not telling you!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: No you don't.
PSYCHO ORANGE: ... No, no I don't. Do you, Blaze?
BLAZE: What now?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Never mind...
He closed one eye, and moved his head in tight circles, like an owl.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Hoot, hoot, hoote-- [gets whacked over the head by NEGATIVE ANGEL]
Mecha looked a little confused. Tails took advantage of this to tackle him. They
BLAZE: realised this made no sense whatsoever and decided to call out for pizza.
fought for about an hour, when finally, Tails HURLED Mecha into a vital part of the machine,
NEGATIVE ANGEL: See this was a good move because they didn't get shoved into a random part of the machine, but a VITAL random part of the machine.
destroying Mecha almost instantaneously!
PSYCHO ORANGE: WOW! That's a big useless word there!
Tails flew up. "Grab on!" he shouted. She did so,
BLAZE: Who did?
and the two flew of there as fast as they could!
[ALL don sunglasses]
KA-BOOM!
ALL: Oooooo...
They had gotten out just in time. The building disintegrated. "Okay,
NEGATIVE ANGE: Who left the oven on?
now what?" they said in unison.
ALL: JINX!
I guess we could walk along the river to see if he's still there," said Tails.
BLAZE: Hey, when did he start talking?
"Good idea," agreed Sally.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) That's the biggest waste of time...
***
BLAZE: Star-jumps!
PSYCHO ORANGE: You're losing it.
3:00
NEGATIVE ANGEL: It's getting early, we should start heading back.
As Sonic approached the hospital, he saw that Dagina was waiting for him.
BLAZE: With a rusty circular blade and a twisted smile on her face.
"Do you have 5 emeralds?"
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sonic) FIVE?! I can't count that high!
"Yeah, I got 'em."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sonic) Lazy good for nothing fish, making me do all the work...
"Good. Here's one more. Now hurry!"
BLAZE: Why didn't she give that to him in the first place?
PSYCHO ORANGE: You're missing the point, Blaze. The FISH can TALK!
BLAZE: The crazy things people come up with now.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (to herself) I wonder if I should say anything? Nah, no point...
Sonic checked the riddle, and the map. "Yeah! The exit!"
NEGATIVE ANGEL: No that's the entrance!
***
BLAZE: Hey if you stare at those long enough they look like little men!
Sally and Tails peered into the water as they walked along, taking a drink every once in a while.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Thief! THIEF!
BLAZE: IT WASN'T ME I SWEAR IT!
"Sally, what if... what if we do find him dead?"
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sally) Dance like it's 1999, Tails.
"I don't know. Continue the fight without him, I guess.
BLAZE: It's not like they can continue with him when he's dead, he'll smell after a while.
It won't be as easy. Not that it ever was easy..." They both wept again at the possibility.
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Sally) Oh God please let him be dead!
***
BLAZE: MORE?! MORE?! MORE?! Oh I give up!
2:00
Sonic arrived at the exit. The exit was a pressure lock, keeping
the high-pressure water outside and the low-pressure water inside.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Regardless of pressure, low-pressure water is not allowed out.
He got in. He felt the water pressure getting higher. He grabbed
the last emerald and held them together.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sonic) Look, they're kissing!
Hydro Sonic!
BLAZE: Now with the ability to wet things and make biscuits extra soggy.
He left the pressure lock. Only to be intercepted by an army of the kind of fish that damaged the transport exit doors.
PSYCHO ORANGE: INTENSE. DESCRIPTIVE. ACTION!
"Give us the emeralds, and you may pass. Otherwise, you'll have to go through us."
BLAZE: Oooooo, I'm shaking! Dang it's cold in here...
***
BLAZE: The fish that are attacking Sonic!
Sally and Tails got up, and kept walking.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Good for them! Continue the pointless plot, my pretties!
And looking. And talking. And having a good cry once in a while.
PSYCHO ORANGE: And a quick smoke. And a drink. And a pit stop.
They walked for what seemed like hours. Then, they
BLAZE: decided to do something! The shock the audience experienced!
saw something.
ALL: Dun dun dunnnn!
***
BLAZE: Fneh... I want Skittles after this.
1:30
"Never!" Sonic gave a thought-cry.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Thus causing his brains to explode.
"Alright gang, you heard 'im. Attack!"
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sonic) But I didn't say attack!
The whole school came at him at once.
BLAZE: Oh this is when school bullies REALLY go bad.
One caught him in his mouth, but Sonic got up enough speed
to run through, making a hole on the other side.
PSYCHO ORANGE: A hole through a fish? Am I missing something here?
The fish noticed this and gave a yell.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Fish) He's trying to confuse the readers! Get him!
"Get 'im boys! He's surfacing!" He said in a lower tone, "Now it's personal."
BLAZE: (as Fish) How DARE he try to get back to his natural environment and do nothing to provoke us!
He swam upward as fast as he could. After a while,
PSYCHO ORANGE: He realised he couldn't swim, and drowned.
the emeralds disappeared.
BLAZE: They didn't want to be seen with Sonic.
"Hey guys," Sonic shouted. I no longer have the emeralds!"
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sonic) And my quotation marks have disappeared!
"SO WHAT? YOU HURT ME BAD! NOW YOU DIE!"
BLAZE: (as Fish) FISH SMASH!
***
BLAZE: (*snores*)
"Backup hard light generator. Wonder why Robotnik has one so close to shore?"
PSYCHO ORANGE: It's waterproof, AND it proves the perfect area to conveniently see Sonic resurface.
"Dunno. Let's watch."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Oh now that's a smart idea. (*rolls eyes*)
***
BLAZE: (*drools a bit*)
1:00
Sonic swam hard. So did the fish. After almost an hour of swimming,
PSYCHO ORANGE: They all gave up and went home for milk and crackers.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Milk and crackers?
PSYCHO ORANGE: (as Gumby) May we have a glass of milk, mo-ther?
BLAZE: EVIL!
Sonic was feeling his gills stop working. He focused on swimming upward.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Because swimming downward would be a silly idea, now wouldn't it?
0:04
"Must..."
BLAZE: Eat.
0:03
"...get..."
PSYCHO ORANGE: A pound of milk, a stick of bread, and a loaf of butter...
0:02
"...to..."
NEGATIVE ANGEL: die, to sleep... No more!
0:01
"...surface..."
BLAZE: Must, get, to, surface? What does it all mean?!
0:00 - Gills stopped working.
ALL: Ooooooohhhhhh!!! So that's what it was counting. [ALL slap foreheads in shame]
"NOW!" Sonic shouted as he broke through to the surface.
PSYCHO ORANGE: You broke it, you bought it. Pay money now, you!
He was exhausted. He crawled onto the shore... only to find
NEGATIVE ANGEL: broke seashells. They stabbed themselves into Sonic's tender flesh, thus causing him to bleed and die, the end.
robots in the forms of Sally and Tails.
BLAZE: Huh? ... Did, did I just blink or something?
PSYCHO ORANGE: I'm confused, now I'm happy! Um...
NEGATIVE ANGEL: YAY! Robots! Shoot me now...
"PRIORITY ONE HEDGEHOG..." they said in robotic voices, yet the voices were very true to their representations.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: So their voices were robotic, only not? This makes as much sense as Blaze when she's just woken up.
BLAZE: I make plenty of sense when I wake up!... Wait, when do I wake up?
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" yelled Sonic.
PSYCHO ORANGE: I bet you're lying, fic!
Sally and Tails knew what to do. They
BLAZE: Sat back and watched Sonic go insane, giggling at their little prank.
thrashed the generator
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Go the Hell, generator!
and the images of the two robots flickered off.
BLAZE: FOCK YOU!
"SONIC!" "SALLY! TAILS!"
PSYCHO ORANGE: By your powers combine, I am Captain Craptastic.
They ran together and embraced in a three-way hug.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Psy, no. Not one word!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Aww, but it screams for one!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: I'll hurt you!
They walked back to Knothole, where everyone was
BLAZE: Packing their things and plotting to leave the village while they were gone.
waiting for them, and wanting to know what
PSYCHO ORANGE: Hell they were doing back.
had happened. They all sat down, and Sonic, Tails and Sally told
NEGATIVE ANGEL: them all where to go.
the story.
BLAZE: (as Sonic) Then I told him to kiss my fuzzy blue ar--
PSYCHO ORANGE: If I wasn't allowed to make a dirty comment before, then neither are you, Matchbox.
BLAZE: Just because you didn't get to...
Sonic finished it up by saying,
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (as Sonic) I hate you all, your mom's a wh--
PSYCHO ORANGE: You too, Neggy.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Sheesh, when you suffer the others just die.
"And now, I SEA the light!" Everyone gave a loud groan, which turned into
BLAZE: Murderous RAGE!
laughter... as we close the book on this chapter in the lives of the Freedom Fighters.
PSYCHO ORANGE: BURN THE BOOK! BURN IT NOW!
BLAZE: Let an expert handle this.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: No experts here.
BLAZE: Then let me have a go.
--- END ---
NEGATIVE ANGEL: And the people rejoiced!
[ALL leave the theatre]
[COMMERCIALS]
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[You see only a table-top with a large plate of Brownies on it. And SNOWFLAKE poking a small pencil at the plate, giving it a strange look. The plate, not the pencil. NEGATIVE ANGEL and PSYCHO ORANGE walk in]
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Psy, if you knew how to pick the locks on the door why didn't you do it early?
PSYCHO ORANGE: You didn't ask me to, Neggy. I didn't think anyone wanted me to pick the lock.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Sometimes I wonder if you've eaten your own brain.
PSYCHO ORANGE: Brains, man that would go down nicely right now...
[NEGATIVE ANGEL stares at PSYCHO ORANGE blankly, then finally notices what SNOWFLAKE is doing]
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Snowflake... that better not be Blaze's pencil. You know what she's like when she can't find pencils to draw.
SNOWFLAKE: No, it's mine, Miss. Angel. [SNOWFLAKE stops to poke at the plate more]
PSYCHO ORANGE: Then what are you doing?
SNOWFLAKE: I was combing my dowwy's hair when suddenwy this pwate appear out of nowhere. I didn't know what to do so I started poking it. Dowwy got scared, too. [SNOWFLAKE presents her doll to NEGATIVE ANGEL. NEGATIVE ANGEL shields her eyes]
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (to PSYCHO ORANGE) I can't stand her doll, freakin' thing...
[BLAZE finally makes it onto the scene. She sees the plate of Brownies and squeals, rushing over to it]
BLAZE: My wish came true! Happy days! [she takes one and starts eating] Mmm... fudgey. Just the way I like 'em.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: THAT was your wish?! Why didn't you wish us home?
BLAZE: No one asked me too.
PSYCHO ORANGE: See how far asking gets you, Neggy?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: I want to die oh so badly right now...
[PSYCHO ORANGE reaches over for a Brownie, but BLAZE growls shortly at him, startling him. That's about when the MADs sign goes off. NEGATIVE ANGEL hits the button]
[CHAOS DECK HQ]
[FLAME is seen on-screen, sporting a pair of sunglasses. In the background you can see PSYMANIK DEPREZION and POSITIVE DEMON carrying sacks of... things]
FLAME: Well, how are my widdle hamsters doing today? Any brain haemorrhages, seizures, nose bleeds even?
[SOM]
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Well we did run out of snacks in the theatre, so that was a bit of a downer.
PSYCHO ORANGE: The hamsters need more snacks in there, Flame!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Psy, we're not hamsters.
[CHAOS DECK HQ]
FLAME: Aww, that's too bad. Deal. Well me and the freaks decided to do a bit of pillaging, seeing as you guys aren't around to stop us any more. We were actually able to make a clean getaway, not a splatter of blood on my jacket this time. Last time I had a whole crud-load of the ooze on me when I accidentally shot someone between the eyes.
POSITIVE DEMON: (from the background) No, Psymanik. We're suppose to bury the body, not gnaw on it!
PSYMANIK DEPREZION: But Psymanik hungry!
POSITIVE DEMON: Ah disgusting! At least take it to your room or something.
FLAME: Shut up back there! And hurry up with that body, it's starting to reek.
[SOM]
PSYCHO ORANGE: Aww, how come they get dead bodies and I don't?
NEGATIVE ANGEL: (smugly) Because you didn't ask for it, Psy.
PSYCHO ORANGE: I did just before!
[CHAOS DECK HQ]
FLAME: I'll see if I can forward you the scraps. Your twin's gotten to it already, there was no saving it.
[SOM]
PSYCHO ORANGE: Damn! Stupid lug...
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Am I the only one being screwed over here? Why me?!
BLAZE: (from off-screen) MY PRECIOUSSSS!!!
PSYCHO ORANGE: Ah there she goes.
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Sorry, Flame. Must go, lovely chatting with you, buh-bye. [NEGATIVE ANGEL cuts off the connection before FLAME can protest] Ah I can't be bothered any more, I'm going to bed early.
PSYCHO ORANGE: I get your share of dinner!
NEGATIVE ANGEL: Good for you.
BLAZE: (from off-screen again) You mustn't touch my precioussss!!!
[CREDITS, END-THEME]
STINGER: "It does not behoove you to struggle, Freedom Fighters," warned
Mecha.