By Captain Chaotica!!
RATING: PG-13 for language and innuendo, but nothing really blatant or porn-like.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello all and welcome to my....uh...fifth? MSTing. This one will be rather different from my "normal" ones, (if "normal" even applies to such a thing...), in the sense that it will NOT take place in my usual "Season One" continuity, using the official old-school MST characters with Joel as the host and Dr. Erhardt as the evil sidekick instead of Frank, etc. In fact, it won't take place on the Satellite of Love at all! There's just something about the later Final Fantasy games that becomes way funnier in a MSTing if you have the MSTers be people who actually KNOW the games.
From the inside.
So, for your reading enjoyment, tonight's MSTing will be brought to you by none other than Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, Barrett, Cid, and Yuffie of Final Fantasy SEVEN fame!
Why?
Because!
May also feature guest-MSTers from the game, depending on if I feel like it. If I feel it would be hilariously funny for a certain character to comment on a certain part, why, then, they will. Continuity? Pff! Repeat to yourself, "It's just a game, I should really just relax."
Oh, and everyone's a bit out of character, but only because it's a parody, and shouldn't be bad enough to offend anybody.
(Setting: A mall in Costa Del Sol. CLOUD, TIFA, AERIS, BARRETT, CID, and YUFFIE enter, all looking exhausted.)
"Phew, am I ever glad we finished THAT one," sighed Cloud, sitting down on a nearby bench. "That was the longest and hardest movie I've ever had to film."
Aeris snorted. "You? At least you didn't have to be stuck in a closet, pretending to be DEAD, for the last two entire discs!"
"Well, at least you guys didn't have to wear THESE ridiculous things," grumped Tifa, and then, squashing the fantasies of little FF7 hentai-boys everywhere, she pulled two oranges out from underneath her shirt and tossed them on the floor! Leaving a much more normal-looking figure. She then wandered over to the mall's nearest bathroom to change her clothes, and came out after a minute in a loose, conservative long-sleeved shirt and long pants. "I mean, really," she continued, "Making me dress like some kind of slut through the whole thing. Hah! I just about froze to death in the Great Glacier!"
"Where to now?" asked Barrett, looking around the mall. "I'm not up for any shopping. My feet hurt."
"Let's go see a movie!" exclaimed Yuffie, who had just noticed the mall's movie theater a short way down the hall.
Everyone looked at each other.
"Sure, why not?" said Cid. They all filed in.
"Hey, this is kinda spooky," said Yuffie, looking around. "The theater's open, there are people selling stuff at the concession stands, but nobody's asking for tickets!"
"Less money to spend, fine by me!" said Cloud, shrugging it off. Everyone bought whatever snacks they felt like and entered the theater itself.
"Hey, there's nobody here, either," said Aeris. "What the heck is going--"
BOOM!
The theater doors slammed shut.
And locked, with an ominous click such as only doors which have just locked behind heroes can make.
Evil laughter echoed throughout the cavernous room.
"Sephiroth?!" demanded Cloud. "This is NOT funny!"
The laughter stopped, to be replaced by a dramatic booming voice from the theater's intercomm system. "No, actually, this is Rufus Shinra. Seph came up with this really whacked out evil scheme, then skipped off down to the beach to leave ME in charge! Said he wanted to 'work on his tan'". (Snicker) "With his pale skin, that'll take a while..."
"So what's going on here, anyway?" Tifa yelled.
"Oh, it's simple. Sephiroth may not actually be a mass-murdering fiend lunatic like he was portrayed in the game, but he DOES have an evil sense of humour. He's been watching this program called 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' lately, and has decided to use all of YOU as his experiment! BWAHAHAHAH!!"
"Like, oh my gawd, stop that like totally lame laugh, Mr. Pres." Yuffie rolled her eyes. "What do ya mean, 'experiment'?"
"It's very simple," Rufus continued in as calm a tone as he could, despite the fact that it was still Dramatic and Booming. "You people are to be locked in a theater and forced to watch something. Seph, or rather I, will record your reactions and measure them."
"Why?!" demanded Barrett.
"Why not?" boomed Rufus, sarcastically. "Your movie for today will be...well, sit down, shut up, and find out! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!"
(Everyone gets into their seats.)
AERIS: Doesn't this sound more like something Professor Hojo would do?
TIFA: Yeah, but he's out of town at the Mad Scientists Convention.
CLOUD: (stuffs mouth full of popcorn) Quiet! It's starting.
Final Fantasy VI (III U.S.) Transcript
Compilation 1.01
CLOUD: Whaaaaa?
AERIS: The HELL?! Another game like ours, but earlier? This is gonna be *&#%@ing weird!
TIFA: Uh...Aeris...you have GOT to stop drinking tea with Cid in the afternoon...
CID: What? WHAT?!! What the goddamn hell is wrong with the @#$#ing way I talk? HUH?!
Transcribed by Noah E. Sproat (sproatne@utah-inter.net)
TIFA: Hey, Utah, WHOO!
AERIS: What's so great about Utah?
TIFA: Nothing, just that our MSTer is from there.
(Dramatic booming voice from Above:)
NO BREAKING OF THE FOURTH WALL!!
TIFA: Okay, Rufus, GEEZ...
Original Script (C) 1994 Ted Woolsey and SQU/\RESOFT, Inc.
CLOUD: How exactly does one pronounce "SQU/\RESOFT", I wonder?
This document (C) 27 November 1997 Noah E. Sproat
(sproatne@utah-inter.net).
______________________________________________________________________
Little Disclaimer:
This document can be used for any purpose,
CLOUD: Including toilet paper.
AERIS: No, Cloud.
and can distributed by any and all who wish, as long as this file remains unmodified from this form,
TIFA: Well, that means WE'RE dogmeat...
and not sold for any amount of money, or to be held as an incentive for others to buy something, without the previous express permission from the author, Noah E. Sproat. Since the author did not write the script presented in this document,
BARRETT: He can be forever greatful...
CID: (smacks him on the back) Welcome to the dark side, dude!
YUFFIE: Oh, hush, you two. FF6 is a GOOD game.
it is available to all, but this document in itself is protected by copyright laws.
______________________________________________________________________
CLOUD: Sign on the dotted line!
AERIS: (rolls her eyes) I take it you just took on the job of Official Scene-Divider Riffer for this script?
CLOUD: Yep!
AERIS: (aside, to Tifa) Can I change seats with you?
(beat)
YUFFIE: All in favour of skipping the rest of the, like, totally boring disclaimer junk?
(Chorus of "Ayes")
BARRETT: Motion carries! Let's get on with this sucka!
Long ago, the War of the Magi reduced the world to a scorched
wasteland, and magic simply ceased to exist.
CID: (in dramatic tones) A Time of Chaos...known as...the Reagan/Bush Era...
YUFFIE: Hey, I just thought of something. If Rufus is the son of an earlier president, does that make him our universe's analog of "Shrub"?
DRAMATIC BOOMING VOICE: You're not supposed to know about that stuff.
BARRETT: Aw, put a cork in it, Shrub.
1000 years have passed... Iron, gunpowder and steam engines have been rediscovered, and high technology reigns...
YUFFIE: (snickers) Oh, yeah, the highly advanced world of 1775, with muskets and coal-burning stoves and the guys wearing ponytails and lace and ribbons and TIGHTS, I am like SO sure...!
TIFA: (dreamy look in her eyes) Mmmmn...Edgar....
(Everyone edges surreptitiously away from her).
But there are some who would enslave the world by reviving the dread destructive force known as
CID: Republicanism!
AERIS: ENOUGH with the political jokes!
CID: (whiny) But it's an election year...
"magic."
ALL: OH. That.
Can it be that those in power are on the verge of repeating a
senseless and deadly mistake?
CLOUD: The line must be drawn HERE! THIS far, NO further!
TIFA: You just used up your entire quota of Star Trek: First Contact riffs, you know.
CLOUD: Damn.
VICKS: There's the town...
CID: Doesn't have a NAME or anything, just "the town..."
WEDGE: Hard to believe an Esper's been found intact in there, 1000 years after the War of the Magi...
BARRETT: Wedge?! NOOOOO!! BIGGS! WEDGE! JESSIE! IT'S MY FAULT THEY DIED!! DAMMIT ALL!!
AERIS: (gently) Uh, you can drop out of character now, Barrett, Wedge and Vicks went off to get drunk together and I think I saw Jessie wandering around here a bit earlier.
CLOUD: And if you shoot up the screen, Seph'll probably use your shirt to clean up a Mako reactor meltdown...with you still wearing it.
VICKS: Think it's still alive?
WEDGE: Probably... ...judging from
TIFA: The script...
the urgency of our orders.
VICKS: And this woman, this...sorcerer. Why's she here?
CID: (as Wedge) Probably because we BROUGHT her here, you @#$ing doofus!
I heard she fried 50 of our Magitek Armored soldiers in under 3 minutes.
CLOUD: Hot, crispy, Magitek-Armored Soldiers brought right to your table in under 3 minutes, or your money back!
WEDGE: Not to worry. The Slave Crown on her head robs her of all conscious thought. She'll follow our orders.
TIFA: Ah, yes, the ultimate male fantasy: A woman who has no will of her own. Can we GET any more sexist...?
(Cid, Cloud, and Barrett look uncomfortable)
WEDGE: We'll approach from the east.
CLOUD: Now THAT'S a position I hadn't thought of before...
AERIS: BAKA!
CLOUD: (singing) Because you're mine...I walk the line..
TIFA: Whoah, THAT'S an oldie...
WEDGE: Let's put her on point. No sense taking any risks.
CID: Procure the lacey pink ballet slippers, men!
AERIS: No, you're thinking of "en pointe".
Forward!
(If you try to leave...)
YUFFIE: (singing) If you leave...don't leave now...please don't take my heart away...
TIFA: Hey, nice singing voice there, Yuffster.
WEDGE: The Esper's gotta be in here. Move out!
BARRETT: We're bombing the Number 3 Reactor in the morning!
YUFFIE: COAL reactors?!
(Guard) Machine-riding, self-important swine! Take this!
(Battle with Lobo.)
(Guards) Imperial Magitek Armor? Not even Narshe's safe anymore!
(Battle with 2 Guards.)
YUFFIE: (yawns) Whoo, this is exciting. NOT.
(Guard) Narshe's freedom depends on us!
CLOUD: FREEEEDOOMMMM!!!
CID: Ya know, that shoulda been MY line, since I got the spear to gesture dramatically with and all.
(Battle with 2 Lobos.)
(Battle with 2 Guards.)
(Guard) We've got 'em trapped, now!
(Battle with 2 Guards and Lobo.)
YUFFIE: Is the bloody exciting mayhem over yet?
(Guard) We must defend the mines!
CID: The creepy white-faced street performers must NOT be harmed!
AERIS: That's MIMES, Cid...
(Battle with 2 Guards and 2 Vomammoths.)
WEDGE: According to our source, the frozen Esper was found in a new mine shaft.
CLOUD: Line, line, everywhere a line!
AERIS: I'm gonna strangle you, Cloud. I really am.
VICKS: I'll handle this. Stand back!
(VICKS slides his armor through a barrier.)
TIFA: Well, I can see how that would wor--HUH?!
(Guard) We won't hand over the Esper!! Whelk! Get them!
(Begin battle with Whelk.)
ALL: WHELK?!
YUFFIE: What kind of STUPID name is that for a villian?
AERIS: It sounds like one of those little British thingies that you eat at Teatime, such as scones, crumpets, etc.
VICKS: Hold it! Think back to our briefing......
CID: When we tried on all those FABULOUS little leopard-skin bikinis!
AERIS: Not THOSE kind of briefs!
TIFA: I'd say you need to get out more, Cid, but I would feel guilty for unleashing you on the unsuspecting women of the world...
WEDGE: What about it?!
BARRETT: (as Wedge) Why am I suddenly extremely excited for no apparent reason?!!
VICKS: Do you recall hearing about a monster that eats lightning......
WEDGE: ......and stores the energy in its shell!
YUFFIE: That's an efficient little design. Doesn't need to eat, he can just, like, plug himself into the wall socket for an hour every day!
CID: Eating lightning--is that what happened to your hair, Cloud?
CLOUD: Ha. Ha. Ha. I have laughed.
VICKS: Right. So whatever you do, don't attack the shell!
WEDGE: Alright already!
CLOUD: By squishing him into a one-dimensional form.
YUFFIE: Like, cool! What Limit Break Level is THAT, I wonder?
This is the frozen Esper...
CID: This is the frozen Esper on drugs. Any questions?
WEDGE: Hey! What's the matter? Do you know something we don't......?
GIRL: ......
AERIS: My, how eloquent!
The frozen creature began emitting an eerie light......
WEDGE: Where's that light coming from?! Uwaaaaaaa!!!!
BARRETT: And please, tell me WHO'S TALKING! AAAAAA!!!
(WEDGE vanishes.)
TIFA: And ANOTHER one bites the dust!
CLOUD: (shakes head) It is just NOT good luck to be named "Wedge" in a Squaresoft game!
VICKS: Hey! Wedge......where are you? W......what's happening?!
(VICKS vanishes.)
CID: (as Vicks, fading away) NOOOOO!!! Now I'll never see my garter belt collection again...!
TIFA: ENOUGH with the underwear!
GIRL: ...... ...... ......
AERIS: A word from our sponsor: In Final Fantasy-ese, usually "......" means that the character is looking at the ground/the wall and is too confused/sad/ashamed/unconscious or otherwise overcome with an emotion of some kind in order to be able to SAY anything. It's supposed to represent a "significant silence". And now, back to our program.
BARRETT: We have a sponsor?
(The Girl and the Esper interact, and her armor breaks down.)
CLOUD: Whoo-HOO, kin-KAY! YEAH!
(He and Cid exchange high fives)
AERIS AND TIFA: MEN!
CLOUD: The next morning...
YUFFIE: Hey, what happened to your scene-change-divider-riffing job?
CLOUD: I got fired.
GIRL: Where am I...?
OLD MAN: Whoa! And I only just removed the crown!
CID: I was gonna wear it myself, but I was thinking something more along the lines of a diamond tiara; what do you think?
AERIS: YOU'D know about diamond tiaras, wouldn't you Miss Cloud?
CLOUD: Shut up, shut up shutup!
GIRL: ...head...hurts...
TIFA: ....know....how you....feel....
(Old Man gets the Slave Crown.)
CID: Puts it on, and starts dancing around the room on tippy-toe, singing "I Feel Pretty".
OLD MAN: Easy! This is a Slave Crown. The others had complete control over you while you were wearing it.
AERIS: And again, I won't go anywhere NEAR that idea...
GIRL: I can't remember a thing...
TIFA: (as GIRL) Then again, that's nothing new...
OLD MAN: Don't worry. It'll all come back to you... in time, that is.
.........
A mysterious young woman,
BARRETT: An even more mysterious voice from nowhere...
controlled by the Empire, and born with the
gift of magic......
(Name the girl.)
CID: What, are they telling US to do it?
TIFA: Okay! Well, let's see, she doesn't have any memory, so she should be called something like...Myst, short for mystery?
AERIS: How about Lethe, like the waters of forgetfullness?
CLOUD: Random!
YUFFIE: WhoamI!
BARRETT: No more Jackie Chan movies for YOU, young lady...
YUFFIE: Awww...
TERRA: My name... ...is...TERRA...
OLD MAN: Impressive! I've never heard of anyone
CID: ...saying their name so loudly and dramatically for no apparent reason!
recovering so fast...!
(Guards and Lobos are outside the house.)
(Guard) Open up! Give us back the girl and the Empire's Magitek
Armor!!
CLOUD: And a cup of sugar!!
(Old Man approaches the door but doesn't open it.)
AERIS: Instead, he just walks straight through it.
TIFA: Ouch.
(Guard) Open this door! We want the girl! She's an officer of the Empire!
(TERRA walks over to Old Man.)
CID: Ya know, we're all gonna be old SOMEday, but it seems a little odd to me to name your BABY son "Old Man"...
TERRA: Empire...? Magitek Armor...?
YUFFIE: Words...? Phrases....?
OLD MAN: Look, I have to get you out of here! I don't have time to explain!
(Old Man walks over to a back door.)
OLD MAN: Over here!
BARRETT: Oh, like the guards will NEVER even THINK of the merest POSSIBILITY of the very EXISTENCE of such a concept as a "back door". Nope. There's no chance at all that the back door will be guarded as well. You can count on that.
CLOUD: Barret...dude...it is WAAAAAYYYY too early to be getting that sarcastic.
OLD MAN: Make your way out through the mines! I'll keep these brutes occupied!
CID: (as Old Man) Even though I think they won't like you going through their bodies, that invisible-box routine is annoying enough to make them deserve it, so pay no attention to the silent screams.
AERIS: Not MIMES, you idiot!
(TERRA walks out the back door and onto a skywalk leading to mine. Several guards see her on the skywalk.)
CLOUD: (as soldier, from the ground) Hey, neat, I can see up her skirt from here!
(Guard) She's up there!!
(Guards corner TERRA in the mineshaft.)
(Guard) Got her!
(TERRA backs up, and falls through the floor. She passes out.)
(Burning town backdrop. TERRA kills several soldiers with her Magitek Armor.)
BARRETT: (intoning in a dramatic hushed tone) "Terra turns around slowly, her long, flowing silver hair blowing out behind her in the scorching winds, and watches the flames rise with evilly glowing green eyes....Her jet-black cape whips about her as she raises her great white sword and...
CLOUD: AAAAHHH!! NOOOO!! That's NOT funny, Barrett! That was my hometown! Well, an image of it, anyway.
CID: Totally bitchin' FMV sequence, though.
YUFFIE: Actually, with Terra, it'd be more like flowing GREEN hair and evil SILVER eyes...Well, not sure about the eyes. Green hair, though, definitely.
(A large assembly of soldiers. Gestahl is talking in front of them; Kefka, TERRA and two generals are behind him.)
CID: Who the hell is Gestahl and are we supposed to care if he talks to us?
YUFFIE: Think of him as being kinda like President Shinra......the FIRST one....
GESTAHL: We stand on the brink of a major breakthrough! In the days to come, we'll witness a total revival of magic! It is our destiny, and ours alone, to take this mystic force and claim what is rightfully ours!
CID: Jello! In any flavour we want it, whenever we want it!
AERIS: Jello?
CID: Jello.
(The four behind Gestahl stand more closely behind him.)
TIFA: (as Gestahl) Hey, hey, HEY, back off there, can't you see I'm trying to be evil?!
GESTAHL: With our new-found power, nothing can stand in our way!
CLOUD: (singing) Nothin's gonna stop us now-ow-ow...
(Everyone salutes.)
AERIS: They twirl their guns around and stick them behind their backs.
(A younger man rushes through the front door of Old Man's home.)
TIFA: Barging straight in, in true RPG fashion...
CID: (as "younger man") Oh, man, I gotta go to the bathroom. Oh, manohmanohMAN...
OLD MAN: Took you long enough! How goes the robbing and plundering trade?
CLOUD: (as "younger man") Fine, just fine, and how are you--HEY, just WHAT are you insinuating here?!
(Younger man is shocked.)
BARRETT: He had been wearing socks and scuffing his feet on carpeted floors all day long, and Old Man's doorknob was metal.
CID: Hey, is THAT what happened to your hair, Cloud?
CLOUD: Hey, HEY, enough with the hair jokes! Ya know, Chrono has exactly the same hair I do, only auburn.
YUFFIE: (evilly) But he's not here. You are.
Treasure hunter and trail-worn traveler, searching the world over for relics of the past...
TIFA: Mysterious voices from nowhere again...
(Name the younger man.)
AERIS: Moooommmmeeeee, the nasty game's giving me orders agaaaiiiinnnn!
CLOUD: Hey, I know what I wanna name him. "Guile".
YUFFIE: Cloud, STOP using the MSTer's names for the characters, okay?
CID: Believe it or not, "Random" was hers, too. She got stuck playing the ENTIRE GAME with a main character goofily named "Random"! Bwahaha!
LOCKE: I PREFER the term treasure hunting!
CLOUD: Hmmn. Well, that's actually a pretty good name. We'll leave this one alone.
OLD MAN: Ha! Semantic nonsense!
LOCKE: There's a HUGE difference!
BARRETT: Pff. Political correctness don't EXIST in the 1700's, boy!
(LOCKE waves his finger.)
AERIS: As opposed to most people, who use their whole hand to wave.
LOCKE: Anyway, were you the one who sent for me?
OLD MAN: Yeah. There's a girl I'd like you to meet.
LOCKE: ......!? This better not have anything to do with that
Magitek-riding, imperial...witch!!!
BARRETT: Yeah, like there aren't ANY other women around...
CID: "Witch"? Ya get the feeling that this was censored for the American audience...?
YUFFIE: ALL our earlier games were censored back in those days, Cid. Nintendo was waaaaaaaaayyyyyyy strict.
OLD MAN: Imperial troops are pursuing here even as we speak. This town is no match for the Empire. Our independence can only be assured if we join forces with the Returners, an undergrond resistance movement. That girl wasn't responsible for her actions. We must get her to understand our dilemma!
AERIS: (as Old Man, out of breath) Whoo...pant...wheeze...can't believe...I got through so much...exposition...in one breath...gah...
LOCKE: Alright... I think we'd better help her...
OLD MAN: Agreed. Make your way first to Figaro, and talk to the king.
TIFA: (perking right up) King? Figaro? WHOOO!! Edgar-baby! Yeah!
AERIS: What is WITH you and this Edgar character, anyway?
TIFA: Tall, high cheekbones, good fashion sense, long golden hair, smart, clever, funny, and good with a sword.
AERIS: Wow. Sign me up.
CLOUD: HEY! Ladies....I'M right here...!
(LOCKE drops down the hole TERRA fell through, and finds her. Guards see them from down the tunnel.)
(Guard) Now we gotcha!
(Multiple Guards arrive behind him.)
LOCKE: Wonderful... There's a whole bunch of 'em...
BARRETT: As you might have figured out earlier, from the phrase "multiple guards".
Kupo...
CLOUD: Konnichiwa!
AERIS: Aloha!
CID: Buenas nochez!
BARRETT: YO!
(Moogles arrive behind LOCKE and TERRA.)
YUFFIE: And make them jump about a mile into the air--erm...I mean, ceiling.
LOCKE: Moogles...! Are you saying you want to help me?
Kupo!!!
TIFA: No, they're saying "Kupo", which could mean anything from "Hello" to "You're standing on my paw, you great human idiot." It's the only thing they can say. They're annoyingly like Pikachu in that manner...
(Battle begins, and Locke and the Moogles split up into three parties.
LOCKE, KUPOP, KUPEK and KUMAMA are in one; MOG, KUTAN, KUKU and KUPAN are in another; and KUSHU, KURU, KURIN and KAMOG are in the third.)
CID: And ALL of them cursing their mothers for giving them such @#$#$ing stupid names.
(Battle ends after all soldiers are defeated.)
LOCKE: Thanks, Moogles! We're in your debt!
(LOCKE lifts TERRA and runs down the shaft.)
(LOCKE and TERRA arrive at a dead end.)
LOCKE: I think this switch'll...
CLOUD: (as Locke, in bright, cheerful tones) Blow us into a million tiny pieces!
(A door opens.)
CID: In Gongaga Village. Our heroes, however, remain trapped.
(TERRA comes to.)
CID: Comes to what? WHAT?! Tell me!
LOCKE: Eh? You back with us now?!
AERIS: Why do I suddenly feel I have to yell everything?!
TERRA: You...saved me?
(TERRA gets up.)
YUFFIE: And shakes her groove thang!
LOCKE: Save your thanks for the Moogles!
(TERRA crouches.)
BARRETT: She's doing squats.
TIFA: What, for a wig?
CLOUD: ARRRGGGH!
TERRA: Uhh...I can't remember anything...past or present.
CID: Uh....if she can't remember the present, wouldn't that mean that she can't even function at all, or even talk to people? She'd be walking into walls and forgetting how to breathe, for pete's sake!
LOCKE: You have amnesia?!
AERIS: That's generally what "I can't remember anything" MEANS, yes...
(TERRA gets up.)
YUFFIE: And boogies!
BARRETT: (as Terra) Ugh....One....now for my next squat...
TERRA: A man said my memory would come back...
LOCKE: Give it time. You're safe with me! I give you my word!
TIFA: Yeah! My totally, absolutely trustworthy word as a thief, rogue, and general rascal! Wait...that didn't come out quite right...
TERRA: ???
AERIS: (deep, dramatic Announcer Voice) And now, another Word from Our Sponsor. In Squaresoft-game-ese, "????" is similar to "......." in that it represents a facial expression or a thought rather than spoken words. In this case, imagine the person bugging their eyes out and staring funny at the other person as if to say, "HUH?!" And now, back to our program.
BARRETT: I still wanna know who our alleged "sponsor" is.
LOCKE: I won't leave you until your memory returns!! By the way, this secret entrance might be useful some day. Don't forget about it!
CID: (as Locke) I'm not very obviously giving you instructions for things later on in the game! Nope! Not at all!
TIFA: What if she doesn't WANT him to stalk her all over the place until her memory returns? I mean, it takes YEARS sometimes...!
(TERRA blinks.)
YUFFIE: And this is an event....like....how?
AERIS: She's like Ford Prefect: she only blinks every once in a great while.
CLOUD: You mean she's from Betelgeuse? COOL!
(At Narshe's gate, a Guard notices LOCKE and TERRA.)
(Guard) Eh? ...... Who might you be?
CID: (in a funny British-accented voice) "I am Whomight, High Priest of the Great God Ra, and this is my assistant, Yoube."
CLOUD: Well, pleased to meet you.
CID: And who might you be?
CLOUD: Yes, I got that.
CID: No, WHO might YOU be?
AERIS: The "Duckula" sketch, ladies and gentlemen.
CLOUD: A Duckula sketch. We reserve the right to quote from it again later on if we want.
(LOCKE and TERRA hide behind the wall.)
YUFFIE: Oh, yeah, the guard'll NEVER think of looking for them there, I am like, SO sure...
LOCKE: This is the pits. We'd better hightail it southward, to Figaro.
BARRETT: Why watching an opera at this exact moment is a good idea I don't know, but hey, what the heck?
The theater lights come up and the screen goes dark.
TIFA: Huh. Looks like Sephy's giving us a break. Well, let's make the best of it...
