By Captain Chaotica!!
RATING: PG-13 for language and innuendo, but nothing THAT bad.
"Hey, guys!" said Cid excitedly as they all walked back into the theater's lobby. "Look what I just found out! The doors aren't magically sealed at all, it's just an ordinary electrical door-lock!"
"So what?" shrugged Cloud. "There's some kind of a magic-damping field here, so we can't use any spells to short it out. Still doesn't do us any good."
"What if...." said Aeris thoughtfully, leaning back against the snack-bar counter, "we could short it out by...MECHANICAL means...not magical...?" She looked at Reno.
Everyone else did, too, eventually.
"What?!" exclaimed the red-headed Turk, looking around in confusion. "Oh, my nightstick. But Yuffie palmed the--"
"Here you go!"
"--batteries..." Reno finished lamely, as they were shoved abruptly back into his hand. "All right!" he said, putting them back into the nightstick and charging it up. He walked over to the doors and held it near the lock. "Get ready to esca--"
"NOT so fast, my pretties," sneered a truly Evil voice from the intercomm. Everyone froze in what they were doing and turned around.
"You might want to rethink this escape plan of yours until you see what _I_ have..." Sephiroth smirked. "Go on, take a look."
Suddenly, part of the wall rippled and morphed and a viewscreen formed out of nowhere. The riffers gasped but said nothing; Sephiroth DID still have incredible magical powers. Now they could _see_ into the evil base for the first time.
"Hey, it's in the Shinra building!" whispered Tifa. "I guessed it right, earlier!"
"Okay, okay," whispered Cloud back. Their eyes were all glued to the screen as out walked, from behind Sephiroth, a very familiar figure.
He was tall, thin, and pale, wearing mostly black clothing with a red cloak flowing from his shoulders and a red scarf covering the bottom half of his face. His long black hair was held back by a red headband, and his left arm from the elbow down was covered with a metallic claw-like construction. However, the most striking thing about him was his eyes--they glowed bright crimson, like those of some kind of demon. And he was hooked into a nasty-looking contraption of wires.
"VINCENT!!" they all cried at the same time.
"Yes, that's right!" cackled Sephiroth. "After Rufus, Scarlet, and Tseng all skipped out on me to take an extended coffee break, I needed a new sidekick. Well, it would have been easy enough to just grab a passing Shinra worker but I wanted to be a little more....DEVIOUS...than that. So I was scrolling through the _former_ employee records and just GUESS whose name came up! If you--ANY of you--even ATTEMPTS to escape before the game is all the way over, Goth-Boy here gets it! BWAHAHA!!"
Aeris clenched her fists. "You're TWISTED, Sephiroth!" she snarled. "I thought you weren't supposed to actually BE a supervillian, that you were just playing one in our movie! What happened?"
Sephiroth just sneered at her. "I got into the part!" he said lightly. "Now, Vincent, be a good little sidekick and send them the next part of the game."
"This doesn't matter, Sephiroth." said Vincent in his usual morbid tones. "Nothing at all matters. Torture them all you want, in the end, none of it will have meant anything."
Sephiroth rolled his eyes sarcastically and went back over to a computer in the background. "Maybe it's not too late to call in that Shinra Manager guy..."
The theater doors opened and the game started back up again.
"MOVIE SIGGGGNNNNNNNNN!!!" shrieked Aeris and they all piled in.
(Camera view on a small island.)
(In a cabin. CELES is laying in bed. Cid walks in and sits down.
RENO: ON her.
OUR CID: Oh, great, he's here again. Wake me when this scene's over. (He falls asleep on cue yet again.)
CELES wakes up.)
YUFFIE: I would too, if someone just sat on me!
CID: CELES...at last...!
(Cid gets up.)
CELES...at last...You're finally awake!
CELES: I...feel like I've been sleeping forever...
For one year, actually... I thought you were out for good.
TIFA: Uh, that's not sleeping. That's something we in medical circles like to call "a coma".
CELES: A whole year... You've watched over me the whole time?
CID: Yes, and I'm about out of energy.
CLOUD: (as FF6 Cid) Not to mention I could REALLY use a bathroom break right about now!
CID: We're on a tiny, deserted island. After the world crumbled, I awoke to find us here together with a few strangers.
CELES: The world...! So, it wasn't a dream. Where are my friends? Where's LOCKE...?
AERIS: Ahem...notice which one she asks for by NAME...
RENO: But also notice she doesn't include him among "friends", which could mean a number of things.
CID: I don't know. I only know we're here... Maybe we're the only people left alive... Since that day, the world's continued to slide into ruin.
CLOUD: (quoting) "The temple is an ancient place that has NOT fallen into ruin for a long time."
YUFFIE: NOBODY is going to get that, Cloud.
Animals and plants are dying... The few others who washed
up here with us passed away of bordeom and despair.
RENO: And lack of any decent radio stations to listen to.
CELES: My friends...they're probably all gone...
CID: CELES...you're the closest thing to family I have... we could just live out our lives here peacefully...
CELES: I suppose so, Cid... Or should I saw, Granddad?! May I call you that?
TIFA: (as Celes) Not that you ARE my grandfather. I just felt like calling you that.
CID: Gramps, eh? I'm overwhelmed! All of a sudden I have a
granddaughter! Cough... Wheeze...
CELES: My long-lost Granddad...
CID: Ha, ha...hack...cough!
CELES: Hey, are you hungry?
CID: I...haven't eaten in
AERIS: (as FF6 Cid) ...fifteen years...
three or so days, ever since I became ill.
CELES: What would you like?
CID: Well, unless I ask for fish, I won't get anything! That's all there is here!
CLOUD: Ah, I see they're stranded in a sushi bar.
CELES: I'll go catch some.
YUFFIE: Somehow, with her bare hands. Don't ask...
[NOTE: There are two possibilities; Cid gets well, or he dies, each unfolding a different scenario. I rarely ever not save Cid, so I don't have the scenario where he dies. If anyone has it, I'd be delighted if you could email me! ^_^]
YUFFIE: Oh, I'll tell you: Celes gets so depressed that she goes to throw herself off a cliff. It's really sad. Then a seagull comes along to her broken and battered body and shows her a piece of material that reminds her of Locke, so her love for him makes her able to get back on her feet and go on with life. Basically.
RENO: I think I'm going to be ill.
(When Cid gets better.)
CID: I feel much better. Thanks CELES!
(Cid gets out of bed and
TIFA: Collapses after walking two steps, because he's been in bed for several days and his muscles have atrophied!
walks toward the side of the room.)
CELES: What's up?
CID: CELES...the project that kept me going over the past year is down below. Go have a look at it!
AERIS: (as Celes) Table tennis?!
(CELES descends a flight of stairs. There is a raft in the basement.)
CELES: Granddad.
CLOUD: (as Celes) Oh granddad. I am so overcome with emotion. Let me express how excited I am by this new development.
CID: CELES...you must leave this place. You have to find your
friends!
CELES: I know... But I'll bring 'em all back to meet you!
RENO: Whether they want to or not!
CID: That LOCKE fellow, too, no doubt...
(CELES floats away. Cid stands on the beach.)
TIFA: Not on the RAFT, mind you, she just floats away.
[NOTE: There are TONS of different script possibilities in the World of Ruin, because besides three characters, you aren't required to find anyone else, or to take anyone to anyplace, except if a scene doesn't unfold unless that character is there. I know there is much more detail I can write, but here I can only write a part of it.]
CLOUD: So, basically, transcribing this game is almost as complex as trying to transcribe all the different endings of Chrono Trigger. GAH! I'm sorry I ever made fun of this guy...
AERIS: Which has been so badly damaged by the end of the world that they can no longer afford two "l"'s in their name!
RENO: Sshh, don't nitpick.
(Man) You...the sparkle in your eye... You're the spittin' image of a man who came through here recently.
(Man) When the world was ripped apart, many long-sealed monsters were released... Phunbaba...Doom Gaze...and the eight Dragons...
YUFFIE: The New Kids on the Block, Hanson, and Eminem...Hey, wake up! (She whacks CID).
CID: I'm awake! I'm awake!
(Man) I found this in a 1000-year-old text: Eight dragons seal away this awesome beast. Its name is
CLOUD: Barney!
OTHERS: AAAAA!! THE EVIL ONE!!
Crusader... Defeat these Dragons, and its power can be released...
(In Tzen. There is a loud noise, and everyone starts to panic. CELES runs up to a collapsing house that only SABIN is keeping up on top of him.)
TIFA: Geez, all those nights at the gym REALLY paid off for ol' Sabin, didn't they...?
CELES: SABIN!
SABIN: Hey! CELES!
CID: (as Sabin) Hi there, Celes! I'd talk more, but first, do you think maybe you could get this @#$#ing HOUSE off my @#$#ing back?!
CELES: Let's head in!
SABIN: Wait!! If I move... The whole house'll collapse. First, save the
AERIS: (as Sabin) ...ice sculputure...
child that's in there. I can't hold this up forever, so... Get out of the hum...urgh...
(CELES rushes in against a four-minute time limit. When she finds the child.)
(Child) I'm scared!
"Don't worry...you're safe now!"
RENO: (as Celes) Except for the fact that we only have about 3 seconds left to get ou--
YUFFIE: (sound effect) SQUISH!
(When CELES and the child escape from the house.)
SABIN: Wait!
(SABIN lets go, and the house collapses.)
TIFA: What kind of vitamins has this boy been taking and where can I get some?!
CELES: SABIN! You're alive!
SABIN: But of course! You think a minor thing like the end of the world was gonna do me in?
ALL: (singing) It's the end of the world as we know it...AND I FEEL FIIINNE...!
CELES: I thought everyone was gone... I had given up all hope... But...fortunately, I was wrong! Now I know they're all alive! We need to find everyone! Then...
CLOUD: Wait a minute, she just found ONE person...how does she suddenly know they're ALL alive?
AERIS: Just smile and nod, Cloud.
SABIN: I know, I know... We smash Kefka, and deliver peace unto the world...
RENO: (as Sabin, jaded) Yada yada yada, been there, done that, ho hum...
[NOTE: You don't NEED to pick up SABIN; he's optional.]
YUFFIE: I wouldn't "pick him up", anyway. I'm not that kind of girl!
AERIS: And I'd need a crane to do so...
(In Mobliz. Most of the town is gone or underwater, and the remaining north section is devastated.)
(Child) Uwaaa! Someone's coming!!
(In the basement of the former post office.)
(Child) You're gonna have to fight your way in here, chumps!!
TIFA: It may be only a child, but it's a disgruntled postal worker! RUN!!
(Voice) Wait!!
(TERRA runs in.)
TERRA!!
(Child) Mama! Are these your friends?!
CID: (as Terra) HELL no. Shoot to kill!
TERRA: Oh! I'm so glad to see you're safe! I've missed you!
"TERRA...come on, let's go! Unless we stop Kefka, all's lost...
TERRA: I...
(TERRA runs into her room.)
RENO: OUCH!
(The room is filled with children, and Duane and Katarin are there.)
CLOUD: Whoever THEY are.
YUFFIE: It was a bit of incidental town dialogue that the scriptwriter didn't bother to transcribe earlier: A little kid tells you, "Duane and Katarin are 16, and in love!"
DUANE: This is our village. You can't just waltz in here and start
CID: (as Duane)...dancing the minuet!
barking out orders!
KATARIN: TERRA's helped us all to survive. Ever since she's been
here, we've felt
CID: (as Katarin) ...nauseous...
hopeful for the future.
(In TERRA's room.)
TERRA: That is I...um...I can't fight any longer...The very day the world fell, Kefka turned some kind of beam on this town. Almost all of the adults
CLOUD: (as Terra) ...started singing rap songs...
perished trying to save their children...
AERIS: Awww...geez...
(Flashback begins. Thamasa during the Light of Judgment. A man and a woman are with several children.)
RENO: All those kids came from just ONE couple!?! Big family...
(Adult) It's heading this way! Protect the kids!!!
(A chasm opens, and the two adults hang off the edge. The man falls.)
(Children) Papa!!!
(The woman
AERIS: ...makes it to safety with no danger or drama at all.
falls.)
(Children) Mama!!!
(Flashback ends.)
TIFA: GEEZ this is getting depressing! I can see why Sephiroth wanted Vincent as his new sidekick..he's probably the only one immune to this stuff!
TERRA: There were only children here... The moment I arrived, I felt needed...
(Duane comes in.)
DUANE: You can't take TERRA away!
CLOUD: (as Duane) She's the only one who knows how to do the laundry!
(Katarin comes in, and Duane runs off.)
CID: My, what a loving couple! She comes in, he runs off. HMMMn....
KATARIN: Duane... Please excuse him. It's just that if TERRA goes, she takes with her the very spirit of our survival...
AERIS: Sounds like Terra has turned into a soul-sucking succubus on the side...
TERRA: I don't know why these kids need me... But they've made me
TIFA: A really lovely sweater for my birthday...
feel things I've never felt before.
AERIS: Reno, so HELP me, if you say something dirty here, I will kick your kidneys out through your nose. They're just KIDS!
RENO: (gulp) Yes, your Highnessness!
The moment I sensed this, I lost my
CLOUD: (as Terra) ...place in the book I was reading...
will to fight. I can honestly say I don't know what's going on inside of me...And the more I try to understand it, the less inclined I am to fight.
(The party leaves, and the camera focuses up at TERRA. A child then runs in.)
(Child) Help!!! Run!!! Phunbaba's coming!!
YUFFIE: Um...if Terra runs, then how can she help?
TERRA: Phunbaba's an ancient demon who was released when the world was undone.
AERIS: Um...exactly WHO is Terra talking to, here? Her Esper half?!
(In TERRA's room.)
TERRA: I've really lost it... My fighting edge...
TIFA: (as Terra) No, wait a minute, here it is! It just fell down behind the bed again.
(Child) Mama! Are you okay?!
RENO: (as Terra) Well, aside from being cut, bleeding, bruised, concussed, and lying unconscious on the ground while my friends just stood there and went, "DUH..." I'm fine! Thanks for asking!
TERRA: I'm staying here. As you can see, I can't be of any help to you. And besides, the children really need me.
CLOUD: Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, honey. (Makes "crazy" sign by his head.)
"But TERRA...!"
TERRA: Maybe after a little more time passes... I need to understand what's happening to me...I'm sorry... I'm staying the children need me.
AERIS: (as Terra) I'm sorry I forgot how to talk in normal sentences the kids need me I'm staying here I don't want to fight anymore.
(Outside of TERRA's room.)
(Child) Thanks for scaring Phunbaba away! In his haste, he dropped this. Here! (Received the Esper "Fenrir".
CID: (Church Lady) Well, isn't that just SPECIAL?!
CLOUD: Just Do It!
TIFA: Huh?
CLOUD: The town's name..."Nike"ah.
TIFA: That's REALLY reaching, Cloud.
Several thieves are about to ferry to South Figaro, and
they have a boss named Gerad.)
(Henchman) Alright, let's go!
GERAD: What's your problem?
RENO: Ah, the standard Klingon greeting: "What's your problem?!"
CID: No, that's "What do you want?"
AERIS: No, that's the SHADOW greeting.
YUFFIE (holding her head in her hands) I'M SURROUNDED BY SCI-FI NERDS!
CELES: Y... you're EDGAR, aren't you?! EDGAR?
GERAD: Enough of this nonsense! I have things to do. I'll be busy getting ready for our departure to Figaro.
RENO: (as Gerad) And flirting with every single girl I see...WHOOPS, um...you didn't hear that...
CELES: Don't play possum with me! EDGAR? Or have you somehow lost your memory?
GERAD: Listen, my lady, I've been "Gerad" all my life!
CELES: Only EDGAR would say, "my lady."
CLOUD: Well, him and any other nobleman who remembered his training!
(Gerad is surprised.)
GERAD: What's all the bloomin' fuss about? The words, "my lady" are used the world over!
TIFA: "Bloomin'"? Did he suddenly turn into a Cockney Brit when I wasn't looking...?
CLOUD: Just for ol' times sake: FIIIIIGAAAAARRROOOOOOO!!
(Man) The boss of these thieves is on the second floor.
(In the tavern.)
(Henchman) Figaro Castle had an accident under the desert.
CID: Yeah, you know how hard it is to house-train these mechanized castles...All over the rug. Yuck.
Don't know what happened to its people...
(Henchman) Figaro Castle disappeared when the world became...
unzipped...
AERIS: "Unzipped"? Does that mean you have to use WinZip in order to open the world?
RENO: Or the world has its fly open...
(Henchman) Some guy came through here a little while ago looking for some secret treasure.
(Henchman) We're storming Figaro Castle! That treasure's rightfully ours!
CLOUD and TIFA: B'bye boys! Have fun stormin' the castle!
CLOUD: (under his breath) Think it'll work?
TIFA: (same) It'd take a miracle.
BOTH, LOUDLY: BYE!!
(In the inn.)
GERAD: Let's go help 'em... Hang on a sec... ......? Are you people STILL here?
YUFFIE: (as Gerad) Quit STALKIN' me, ya weirdos!
CELES: Be polite now...EDGAR!
(Henchman comes in.)
(Henchman) Boss, everything's ready. Let's go!
GERAD: Case of mistaken identity, my dear. Give it up!
CID: And pay no attention to the fact that I'm writing on stationary which says, "From the desk of Edgar Roni Figaro", it means NOTHING, I assure you!
(In South Figaro Pass. CELES and party meets Sigfried in the cave.)
AERIS: And threaten to give him the noogie of his life if he doesn't tell them WHY HIS NAME KEEPS CHANGING SPELLINGS!
RENO: SOMEbody seriously needs to cut down on their caffeine intake...
SIGFRIED: Pretty dangerous from here on. I'll go in first and clear out all the monsters. Wait here.
(Sigfried leaves.)
(In Figaro Castle's engine room. There are tentacles all around the engine.)
RENO: Now that's a problem that most castles don't have...
GERAD: You alright? You were almost a goner. Here's the problem... What a mess...
(Henchman) Boss! What're we gonna do? Our treasure's sore in the room back there!
CID: His treasure's in pain? This is even weirder than I thought...
AERIS: I'm pretty sure that was meant to be, "treasure's STORED in there", not "sore".
GERAD: You guys get in there while I keep this thing busy!
(Henchman) But boss! That's dangerous!
GERAD: Get going!
(Henchmen enter the treasure room.)
CELES: EDGAR!
EDGAR: What're ya waiting for, CELES? Give me a hand!!
RENO: (as Edgar) But make sure it's still attached to your body, otherwise it won't do me much good!
CELES: EDGAR! It IS you!
(Battle with Tentacles.)
YUFFIE: One of THE hardest/most annoying battles in the whole game. It takes forever to kill, and any big elemental spell you use will HEAL one of the tentacles, combined with the grabbing-action of that thingie in the Shinra underwater base.
RENO: Hey, kinda like when you guys fought US, the Turks, all together at the end of Disc 2. Heh heh heh.
YUFFIE: We never fought you! We did the Wutai quest ahead of time and chose the option to just leave each other alone! Doofus!
CELES: Why the stupid farce?
CLOUD: (as Edgar) To pad out the plot! I mean, oops...
EDGAR: Well, I heard that Figaro had had an accident.
TIFA: How can a kindgom have an accident?!
AERIS: "In traffic headlines today, a major disaster happened when Costa Del Sol, not looking where it was going, T-boned North Corel at the Gold Saucer intersection..."
I wanted to help, but didn't know where to look. Then I heard that those idiots
YUFFIE: (as Edgar) ...were watching our game and making fun of it...
had escaped from the prison.
CELES: You needed to use them...
RENO: (as Celes, darkly) ...for your own, unholy rituals...
EDGAR: Bingo. I had to wait until they led me to their secret cave.
CLOUD: (as Edgar) Of course, I coulda just followed the signs that said, "Ths way 2 secrit cav. U NO ENTAR!" that were all over the place. Hoo boy, was I ever dumb!
CELES: Amazing, considering that you three most of 'em in jail to begin with
CID: And then he "four" them in jail.
AERIS: These typos are getting positively _surreal_.
(If SABIN is there,)
SABIN: Don't treat us like strangers anymore!
RENO: (singing) People are strange, when you're a stranger, faces look ugly, when you're alone...
EDGAR: Uh, oh...! Let's hide!
(Party and EDGAR hide. Henchmen come out of the room.)
TIFA: What are they hiding behind?
YUFFIE: Um.......the dead monster? I dunno...
(Henchman) Boss! ......? Boss? Must have been eaten by that
thing... It wasn't even much of a monster... Well, let's go...
(Henchmen leave.)
CELES: You don't want that treasure back...?
EDGAR: It's completely worthless. Besides, Kefka's the one we need to worry about. Those guys haven't committed any serious crimes...
CLOUD: (as Edgar) Just the occasional beheading here, the little bit of treason here...no biggie.
CELES: Come on, let's go...
(If SABIN is there,)
SABIN: There's only one little problem, eh, brother!
(Up in the engineer controls room.)
(Engineer) Nonsense! It's been fixed! Next stop,
(In Kohlingen's inn. SETZER is sitting at a table.)
CID: More like slumped over in a pile of silver hair and velvet, with shot glasses scattered all over the floor around him...
AERIS: Hey, since when it Setzer a lush?
CID: (grinning) Since I said so!
SETZER: You're alive!?
CELES: Come along with us! We're after Kefka!
SETZER: Phew... I don't know if I have it in me anymore...
CLOUD: (quoting) "I knew you had it in you and if you want to KEEP it in you, you'll be good. You'll be very, very, good."
AERIS: You're just DETERMINED to break the Obscure-O-Meter today, aren't you, Cloud?
CELES: What are you saying?!
SETZER: I'm just a gambler... I just want to be left alone... This world is too chaotic for me. What's worse, I've lost my wings...
CID: Wings? What is he, an X-Man?
CELES: But before the world collapsed you fought with all your heart! You were absolutely fearless...
TIFA: Mainly because you were hepped up on goofballs, but hey, we'll take anything we can get!
SETZER: That was then... We can never have that world back!
CELES: You want to live in this world as it is? No? Then do
something about it!
SETZER: Mwa ha! All right...you win! I'm starting to feel
