By Captain Chaotica!!
RATING: PG-13 for language and innuendo.
PART THIRTEEN
(The theater lobby is darkened. Strange sounds can be heard softly scuttling around the edges of the shadows.)
"What...?" complained Sephiroth, attempting to see what his guinea pigs were doing, but thwarted by the lack of light on the other end of the viewscreen. "What's going on?"
"Good EEEVVEEnning!" said Cloud sinisterly, stepping out from behind a curtain. The lights had come back up, but they were dim, creepy, and dark red, and served to make the shadows look shadowy-er rather than actually _light_ the place. Organ music started playing softly in the background. Cloud was wearing a traditional "Count Dracula" costume and was standing in a brighter red spotlight. "Welcome, one and all, to--"
"The FINAL FANTASY SIX HALLOWEEN BASH!!" cried the others, and they all leapt out of the shadows. They were all done up in different costumes as well--Aeris had her face painted all white and was wearing a long white dress, as a "phantom bride", Tifa was a Genie of the bottle, (with her hair in a topknot), Cid was a pirate, Reno was dressed in black leather as a greasy '50s motorcycle thug (complete with slicked hair and cigarette hanging out of his mouth), and Yuffie was done up as Peter Pan.
"WHAT the...?" Sephiroth sputtered as he looked at them. "This is just plain STUPID! It's September 15th!"
The lights came all the way back on, normal, in the lobby, (although the music continued), and revealed the decorations: Cheesy fake spiders, cobwebs, ghosts, witches, and so forth were strewn all over the walls and whatnot. A skeleton was slumped at the cash register, as if to suggest that this movie theater worked its minimum-wage people WAY too hard (ahem) and a row of Jack-O-Lanterns adorned the countertop. Each had been carved by a different member of the group; oddly enough, it turned out to be Reno who had the most artistic talent.
"No, it's not stupid," argued Yuffie, skipping her way over to a large bowl full of candy goodies. "We're celebrating Part THIRTEEN! Get it?" She stuffed some candy in her mouth and put some extra pieces in her pocket for later.
"That is just...dumb..." Sephiroth muttered. "And where did you GET all this stuff so fast, anyway?"
"Hey, YOU set up the Prop Contrivance Field when you turned us into MSTers, Sephy-babe," smirked Reno, leaning against a wall. "We can have ANY props we want, instantly, for a sketch. Remember?"
"Anyway," Tifa said, twirling around and ringing her tiny finger-chimes, "we couldn't think of anything to do, but then we thought, 'Hey! 13 is a superstitious number, and we're getting into fall--why not do a Halloween party?' So, here we are."
"Oh, for pete's sake..." Sephiroth turned his head away from the viewscreen in disgust. "Vincent, send them the next part of the game."
"And a genuine vampire as our host! COOL!" said Aeris.
"Werewolf." argued Cid.
"Vampire." argued Aeris.
"A-HEM..." Vincent just stood there, looking Gothic, until they finally realised he was waiting.
"That's much better," said the....um........whatever he is. "I have been instructed to say the following things to you. Ahem:
'Ha, ha, ha, you idiots, prepare to writhe in pain as you experience this next part. It is so bad that you will wish you had never been born when you are done with it. If you live that long. Now get ready for some real suffering.'" Vincent read without the slightest trace of emotion or inflection in his voice. "I'm sorry, guys," he said in his more normal tones, "I really am. But I can't do anything about this..." He pushed a button.
"MOVIE SIGGGGNNNNNN!!!" shrieked Aeris and, after taking a long moment to select as much of their favourite candies as they felt like, the group slowly ambled into the theater.
(Outside of Daryl's Tomb.)
CLOUD: Pop-quiz: Who's buried in Daryl's Tomb?
OTHERS: (groan)
CELES: This person... She was your friend?
SETZER: Yeah. She was a piece of work. Nothing scared her... Could be anything lurking down here, so keep your eyes peeled!
TIFA: With an apple-peeler, or a grapefruit peeler?
YUFFIE: That sounds rather painful...
(On the descending staircase past Daryl's resting place. SETZER starts walking down, with party behind.)
YUFFIE: (as Celes, looking at Setzer from behind) YeeOWza! Get a load of that there cute gambler-butt!
TIFA: (as Terra) Mmmm-mmm!
SETZER: This brings back a lot of memories.
AERIS: (as Setzer) Yes, when I was young, women used to stare at my butt all the time...Oh, wait, I still am and they still do. Never mind.
(Flashback begins. SETZER and Daryl in a room.)
RENO: Get a ROOM you guys! Oh, wait, they have a room...
DARYL: This experimental airship is probably a bit unstable...
CID: Well, DUH! If you were sure of it, you wouldn't call it "experimental", now, would you?
SETZER: You can't be serious! What are you trying to prove?!
(Flashback ends.)
TIFA: She's trying to show us all how to make really short flashbacks.
SETZER: Watch your step.
(SETZER walks down further. Flashback begins.)
CID: Setzer did a little too much LSD at Woodstock...
DARYL: If something should happen to me, the Falcon's yours!
CLOUD: (in disbelief) The MILLENIUM Falcon?!
SETZER: Nonsense! I'll win the Falcon from you when I whip you
RENO: (leans forward, eyes glued to the screen) Yess....?
in a race.
RENO: Darn.
You'd better clear outta my way!
DARYL: Big talk, buster!
TIFA: It's not just his TALK that's bi--
AERIS: Do I have to whip out the Princess Guard on your sorry ass?
TIFA: I was talking about his hair! His HAIR!
AERIS: (skeptically) Yeah, right...
YUFFIE: How are you CARRYING that thing, anyway? It's not exactly concealable...
AERIS: (smugly) Wouldn't you like to know?
(Flashback ends. Flashback begins.
SETZER is flying in the Blackjack, while Daryl is flying in the
RENO: ...Russian Roulette.
Falcon.)
SETZER: There's nothing like flying!
TIFA: Except...(sees Aeris eyeing her carefully) Um.....chocolate.
DARYL: Come on! Stop lagging back there! Or do you like chewing on my wake!
CLOUD: No, that's spearmint gum, that he's chewing on.
SETZER: Listen to you!
DARYL: This time's for real! I'm going to break every
AERIS: (as Daryl) ...bone in your body!
CLOUD: OUCH! What'd he do to her...?
record! I'll be known as the woman who flew closest to the stars!
CID: "Daryl thinks 'Amelia Earheart' sounds like a pretty nice name."
SETZER: Be back before sunset! I'll be waiting for you on our hill.
(Next scene is SETZER standing alone watching a sunset.)
AERIS: "Friend", yeah, right.
YUFFIE: You and about ten gazillion FF6 fans and fanfic writers have figured THAT one out, Aeris. Daryl and Setzer...the great, sad, forgotten romance story. (sniff).
The wreck of the Falcon was found a full year later, in a distant land...
RENO: And the wreck of Daryl was found a day after that, lying face down in a puddle of whiskey at a bar in Nikeah...
YUFFIE: Shut up! It's a really sweet moment and it's the only real character development poor Setzer gets in the entire game!
SETZER and the party are standing on the deck of the Falcon,
underground.)
CLOUD: Um. It's gonna be hard to fly an AIRship that way, you know, underground and all...
SETZER: I restored the craft, and then put it to rest down here.
EDGAR: This is THE Falcon?
RENO: (as Setzer, sarcastic) No, just A Falcon; didn't you hear they come in six-packs?
SETZER: I put it in storage. I couldn't bear to look at it.
CID: (as Setzer, sobbing) I mean, that hideous paint job! Chartreuse and hot pink stripes! Gyah!
But now it just may save us...
The Falcon.
(The Falcon starts flying, rising out of the ocean waters.)
CLOUD: Wait a minute, it was underGROUND a second ago.
AERIS: Just smile and nod, Cloud.
EDGAR: I finally think we're gonna pull this off!
CELES: We can attack Kefka's tower from the air!
TIFA: (enthusiastically, as Celes) Yeah! Let's do it right now, without finding anyone else, raising any levels or killing any of the dragons! That'll be a smart move!
EDGAR: The Falcon's going to give us one last chance at that guy...
SETZER: But first we need to find our friends!
EDGAR: Right. First things first. For once I feel hopeful!
(CELES sees a bird flying.)
CELES: Hey! A bird!
YUFFIE: Wow! A bird! In the AIR, of all places! What a shocking place for it to be!
RENO: I think you need to turn down the sarcasm a notch there, Yuffster.
CELES: SETZER! Follow that bird!
ALL: FOLLOW THAT CAR!
SETZER: But why?
AERIS: (as Celes) No real reason. I just feel like humiliating you and making the Falcon fly around aimlessly in circles for a few hours.
YUFFIE: Actually, "flying around aimlessly in circles" pretty much describes the entire second half of this game...
CELES: I...don't know...! Something inside just tells me it's
important...
(Falcon follows the bird to Maranda.)
CID: Where they discover lots of people wearing goofy hats with fruit all over them.
[NOTE: Most of the following events can happen in any order. But though they can be played in any order, some segments of script may differ depending on who is in the party, or who has been found.]
(In Lola's home in Maranda.)
LOLA: Look! My boyfriend in Mobliz sent me all these flowers!
AERIS: (as Lola) Why they all say, "To Charles, my dearest love", I'll never know, but...
RENO: Hmm. Something about her boyfriend we should know...?
They're all hand-made of silk. And these are letters he has written to me...
(Party talks amongst themselves.)
TIFA: No, actually, Terra just talks amongst her personalities while the others snoop around in Lola's letters.
??? But wasn't Mobliz demolished by Kefka? Somebody else must have written these...
(Letter) My beloved Lola,
We're still busy trying to rebuild this town...If all goes well
CLOUD: (as Letter)...the ground should stop glowing within a year or so...
I'll be able to come home to you soon...
...this handwriting... It looks a lot like CYAN's... But where is he mailing them from?
AERIS: No, if it was Cyan, it would say something more like, "Lola, thou most beloved peach-blossom of mine heart, we art still trying to rebuildeth this towne...If the gods smile upon us and our hearts are true and honourable, I shouldst be able to come and visit thee at thy lovely cottage sooneth."
RENO: That was TOO good. You're beginning to scare me.
LOLA: Could you please attach this reply to a carrier pigeon?
YUFFIE: Have you ever considered just using the telephone, lady?
LOLA: Thank you. I hope his reply comes soon.
(Pigeon flies off with the letter. It lands in Zozo.)
CLOUD: And we know this HOW?
CID: Smile and nod, Cloud.
CLOUD: People keep telling me that, but it never seems to help.
(In CYAN's cave on Mt. Zozo, decorated with silk flowers.
RENO: This is NOT information about Cyan that I wanted.
CYAN isn't there. A letter is on the table.)
(Letter) Dear Lola,
I am writing to beg for you forgiveness. I am guilty of
TIFA: (as Letter)...cheating at Solitaire...
perpetuating a terrible lie... I have only now realized the error of my ways. I hope I can correct a great wrong. Your boyfriend, who you thought was in Mobliz,
AERIS: (as Letter)...was actually a girl all this time.
passed away some time ago. I have been writing in his
stead... We humans tend to allow the past to destroy our lives. I implore you not to let this happen. It is time to look forward, to rediscover
RENO: Bathing. She was REALLY depressed...
love, and embrace the beauty of life. You have so much of
life left to live...
CYAN
(Outside of the room. CYAN lets go of a pigeon.)
YUFFIE: Well, I'd worry if he held onto it the entire time it was flying back to Maranda.
(Poem) The world before the fall...
Delightful is the light of
CID: Las Vegas...
dawn...
Noble is the heart of man...
CYAN!!
CLOUD: Hey, that rhymes!
CYAN: Hey!! You're alive!?
CYAN...
CYAN: I shall go with you! I shan't leave the world as it is! But how did you find me?
CID: Oh, easy. Your letters all had return addresses on the envelopes!
CYAN: W...wait! Tell me you didn't read my letters...!!
(CYAN is surprised, and runs inside. One by one he takes down the flowers. The party comes in before he can take down the last one.)
CYAN: These...they're...um....merely a diversion of mine...
YUFFIE: (as Terra) Yeah, right. C'mon, Cyan, tell us who your new boyfriend is...we promise we won't laugh...MUCH...
CYAN. These flowers are gorgeous!
CYAN: Mm...m...!? This is an outrage...!
TIFA: He's MAD that they're complimenting his work...?
(Party is surprised.)
CYAN: Seriously?
(Everyone laughs.)
RENO: Cue cheesy freeze-frame, roll credits...
CYAN: I learned of that poor girl when I passed through Maranda. When I heard that she sent a letter each day, but never received any replies... Something inside me snapped...
CID: (as Cyan) Or maybe it was just the elastic band on my underwear...
CYAN: As I wrote to that girl, I realized I was very much like her. I was looking behind...full of despair. My eyes were closed... And then something changed... I bumped into Sir GAU in Maranda. He said he had to become stronger if he was to face Kefka. He probably returned to the Veldt.
AERIS: No, knowing Gau, he probably said something more like, "Me no like that Kefka person! Me go back to Veldt! Fight and get strong! GAU!"
CLOUD: Ayla no like Reptites!
AERIS: Wrong game.
(On the cliff where CYAN was standing with the bird.)
Found the key to CYAN's treasure chest.
(Inside CYAN's room, unlocking the chest.)
W...why... A child could use this machine! This is a joke!
(In Lola's home in Maranda.)
Cyan exchanged the letters...
LOLA: I knew that these flowers and letters weren't sent by my
boyfriend.
RENO: (as Lola) They were sent by a small maniacally laughing purple squirrel who lives inside my brain.
I just didn't want to admit it. I was lying to myself...But I'm alright now. As I read those letters......the pain I felt in
my heart became bearable...I'm sure whoever wrote them suffered
greatly... I wish I could meet him...
TIFA: (as Lola) And find out if he's as soppy as I am...
CYAN: Actually, ... Look to the future... We have a lot of life left to live...
YUFFIE: (as Cyan) Except for you; the doctor said you had only about two hours left.
LOLA: I feel like I have a future now! I'll take your words to my
(The scenario of the Cave on the Veldt.)
______________________________________________________________________
(In the Cave on the Veldt, when the party finds RELM and Interceptor.)
AERIS: Interceptor eats them all, the end.
[NOTE: If you saved SHADOW from the Floating Continent, you will find him here instead.]
Look at those wounds...
CLOUD: Oh, no! He's got a PAPER-CUT! There's nothing we can do! Oh, the humanity!!!!
(Fight with SrBehemoth.)
Enemy's coming from behind! Another monster appeared!
TIFA: Huh? Who's talking, please?
YUFFIE: By the way, we DID save Shadow, so let's just take out all the references to Relm in this next part. All in favour?
(Chorus of AYES)
YUFFIE: Motion carries.
(Another battle.)
We can't do anything for him here. Let's take him back to Thamasa using the airship.
RENO: No, I thought they were gonna take him back to Thamasa by tying him to a carrier pigeon. Of COURSE using the airship! Duh!
(In Thamasa. SHADOW is in bed, and awakes.)
You were having a nghtmare...
(SHADOW goes back to sleep, and has a dream.)
TIFA: (singing) Another night, another dream, but always you, it's like a vision of love that seems to be true...
[NOTE: If you saved SHADOW, and he had four dreams already in the World of Balance, he will have a fifth dream, otherwise he will dream the next of the four dreams he hasn't dreamt. If that is the case, you will never see his fifth dream. If this is RELM, you will see her dream.]
CID: What did the author do here, Yuffie?
YUFFIE: She never had Shadow in her party all that much to begin with, and didn't find out about the dream-thingie until AFTER she'd hit the World of Ruin. As a result, she never saw Shadow's fifth dream, and she only vaguely knows about him being Relm's father as a rumour that she's heard third-hand from OTHER people. Not having seen that part of the game herself, ever, she remains skeptical about the subject. At any rate, we're skipping Shadow's fifth dream.
SHADOW: No need to worry. It's just a scratch.
RENO: (British accent) It's only a flesh wound!
Also, he's gonna stand guard, so you just relax.
(Later, when you return to Thamasa.)
(Man) If you're looking for a man dressed all in black, he left for the colosseum.)
AERIS: Geez, recovered awfully fast, didn't he? "Well, my many grievious injuries have just barely healed, so I think I'll go fight in the bleedin' Collosseum! BRILLIANT!"
(In Duncan's house, north of Narshe.)
SABIN: Duncan!!
DUNCAN: Wa, ha, ha... Why the surprised face? Did you think I'd... gone?
TIFA: (as Sabin, muttering) No, actually, I'd HOPED you were gone, you annoying old goat...
SABIN: Duncan... I'm so glad you're safe!!!
DUNCAN: Whoa?! SABIN, this can't be... Tears??
DUNCAN: Wa, ha, ha... Nothing happened to me! The earth yawned right open
CLOUD: Because it was sleepy.
to take me but I scrambled to safety!
CID: I fail to see how making scrambled eggs could save your life at such a juncture.
DUNCAN: SABIN!! It is now time to complete your training. Use these new skills to smash Kefka!
RENO: (as Yoda) Finish your training you must! It is your destiny!
Put 'em up!
(SABIN and Duncan fight on Duncan's home's roof.)
TIFA: Most people fight INSIDE their dojos, but hey...
I call this the "Bum Rush"!!
DUNCAN: Go! Give Kefka the boot!!
CLOUD: What, you're supposed to beat Kefka by kicking him in the butt?!
AERIS: Evidently...
YUFFIE: (as whiny little kid) Mommy, what story are you going to read us tonight?
AERIS: (soothingly) The story of Relm and the Painting.
YUFFIE: (same as before) I'm sick of that one! I wanna hear "The Shining"!
AERIS: (same as before) Not until you're seven, dear.
(In Owzer's home.)
(If the party tries to ascend the stairs when the lights are off, they
RENO: Trip, fall, break their legs, are unable to finish their quest, the end.
are forced down.)
Stay...away...
CLOUD: (as the stone faces from "Labyrinth") Goo...back.....Thiiiis is noooot the waaaayyyyy!!! Soon. It will be. Too. Late.
(Owzer's diary is on the desk.)
(Diary) Just spent an absolute fortune. It's my largest painting yet, so I won't be able to put it with the others. I'll decide later where to display it.
CID: (as Diary) Sure, it cost a lot, but paintings of dogs playing poker don't come along just every day!
(Diary) An artist came from Zozo today. He wanted me to see his work. What a waste of time.
(Diary) Bought a new stairway lamp at the Item Shop. Expensive, but one flip of the switch and everything's bright and cheery.
TIFA: Okay, so, he owned this house for like, DECADES, and never thought of lighting the stairs until NOW?!
(Diary) I invited over an artist from Kohlingen. About as talented as
RENO: A piece of dirt.
a bucket...
RENO: HEY!
YUFFIE: Ooh, the dreaded "riffback"!
(Diary) Something's happening to me. It started when I had that picture painted...
AERIS: (as Diary) I almost feel like the painting has taken over my soul....I stay young and beautiful, yet whenever I do something horrible, IT ages and looks uglier...
TIFA: This is NOT the Story of Dorian Grey, Aeris.
AERIS: Dang.
And I've started hearing odd noises coming from downstairs.
RENO: Oh, that's just from the brothe--
AERIS: (Stands up, turns around to face Reno, and pulls a small, squat rod out of her midi-jacket, about as long and as wide as her two fists put together, side by side. She gives it a quick shake and THWONG! it turns into a full-sized metal quarterstaff!) Wanna say that again?
RENO: (Gulp) Uh, no...
YUFFIE: Aeris! You modified the Princess Guard into a MINBARI FIGHTING PIKE?! I shoulda known...you being the Babylon 5 fan and all...
CLOUD: (looking at the Ranger pike) Cool!
TIFA: Sit DOWN, "Delenn", you're blockin' the screen!
The diary ends here.
(In the gallery, looking at the paintings.)
CID: The diary is looking at the paintings?
YUFFIE: YOU look at it; I'm bitter.
Looks like a treasure chest.
Picture of an old urn.
A still-life of flowers. They almost look alive...
(Battle with Nightshade.)
CLOUD: (as Seymour Krellborn) Back off, Audrey. This is between me and the vegetable!
A lamp, maybe?
Emperor Gestahl's portrait.
[NOTE: In the world of balance, this was Ultros's portrait.]
AERIS: And this is NOT much of an improvement. (Folds the pike/staff back up again and puts it away.)
(If you look at Gestahl's portrait twice,)
(Received the "Emperor's Letter.")
The letter reads as follows:
RENO: (as letter) Oh, Owzer, how I've always loved you, adored you, longed to take you into my arms and sweep you away in the moonlight! But alas, our love was not to be, for we are of different worlds, you and I...
The treasure is hidden where the mountains form a star...
This looks ancient...
Ah! Some armor.
CLOUD: Speaking of armour, I have a dumb question about our own game.
CID: Let's hear it.
CLOUD: How the heck can a small bracelet on your wrist protect your ENTIRE BODY?!
Picture of a lovely lady.
(Battle with Dahling.
AERIS: (affected "uppah-clahss" accent) Ooh, reaahlly, dahling, you dahnce divainly!
After the battle is over, the painting turns into a door.)
TIFA: As opposed to the more traditional type of painting, which turns into a painting.
(In the back room. Owzer is there, and RELM is painting a picture.)
OWZER: P...please... Help that painting!!
The painting!?
OWZER: It's...
YUFFIE: (as Owzer) So ugly...
there's a monster hiding in my prized painting of a goddess...
A monster?!
CLOUD: (as Edgar) Dude, the goddess IS the monster. Have you ever seen what she looks like early in the morning?
OWZER: Yes... And now it's nearly impossible to get it to show itself...
AERIS: It's a very SHY monster.
(The painting flashes.)
RENO: (giggling) Evidently not THAT shy!
RELM: Ahhhhh!!
OWZER: RELM! We can't attach this masterpiece! It would be
inexcusable!
CID: Yeah! It must hang on the wall by magic, with no support whatsoever!
AERIS: I think that was supposed to have been "attack", not "attach", Cid...
CHADARNOOK: G'fu, fu, fu... Who're these numbskulls? No one...NO ONE...is going to remove me from this fine new painting!!
TIFA: (as Chadarnook) It has really low rent, a swimming pool, and plenty of parking spaces!
(Battle with Chadarnook begins.)
DEMON: The girl in the picture is mine! You can't have her!
(When Chadarnook is defeated.)
I...I'm... This can't be...
CLOUD: (Chadarnook as Wicked Witch of the West) I'm MELTING...oh, my beautiful badness...what a world, what a world...
(Battle ends.)
RELM: Hey! Relax! The monster croaked!
YUFFIE: (as Relm) Dude! It just, like, totally bit the dust, 'n' stuff! Like, tubular!
OWZER: Thanks for saving the day! This picture's more precious to me than my own life!
RELM: Huh?! What are you talking about?
AERIS: (as Relm) You have one TWISTED set of priorities, sir.
Now...what was a monster doing in that picture?!
OWZER: It all started when I bought a stone at the Auction House. I took one look at it and suddenly felt I needed a portrait of Starlet.
CLOUD: A portrait of Scarlet?! GYAH!!
RENO: Oh, I dunno...did you see that one issue of PlaySoldier...?
TIFA: STARLET, not "Scarlet", you idiots!
I asked several artists, but none could muster enough skill. It was then that I heard about RELM's amazing ability. I brought her here,
RENO: In chains...
and put her to work.
CID: No child labour laws around here, I see.
But while she was painting, that thing came along... It must have been enticed here by that stone.
Where is the stone...?
OWZER: The stone? Over on that bookshelf.
(Party walks to the bookshelf.)
This...is Magicite...
OWZER: Phew. I don't need any more bad luck. Just take it and go!
(Received the Esper "Starlet".)
RELM: I have to go! But fear no, I'll be back to finish this
painting!
TIFA: (as Relm) And then the goddess will be super pissed-off that I trapped her essence in canvas, and she'll smite you repeatedly with thunderbolts! Cool, huh?
(At the base of the Fanatic's Tower. Several fanatics are walking
RENO: On their noses.
in a circle, and STRAGOS is among them.)
RELM: You!! You old fool!!! You're still standing?!
(STRAGOS is surprised, jumps high into the air, and lands by RELM.)
CLOUD: That was some jump.
AERIS: The judges give it an 8.5.
STRAGOS: RELM! Is that you, my dear? You're alive!!
RELM: Idiot! Of course I'm alright!
STRAGOS: Oh... I'm so happy...
RELM: Did you think I was gonna check out before you, old man?! Ah, ha, ha...
(STRAGOS is surprised.)
STRAGOS: You're as foul-mouthed as ever, bless your heart!
CID: Foul-mouthed? No. She ain't foul-mouthed. I'M foul-mouthed.
AERIS: And proud of it.
CID: You @#$#ing bet your little $%^%, sweetheart.
RELM: Come along now... We're all glad to see you!
STRAGOS: Whoa! Well I'll be... Alright, make room for me!
RENO: (as Stragos) And my books. And my pills. And my pillows. And my stamp collection. And my...(fades away)
(In Mobliz, in the basement of the old post office.)
DUANE: I...don't know what do do. Katarin's pregnant...
TIFA: Well, it's your own damn fault, ya know.
(In the basement of the wounded lad's old home.)
TERRA: Hey you guys!
YUFFIE: (defeaningly loud scream, ala "The Electric Company") HEEEEEYYYYY.....YOOOOUUUUUU..GUUUUUYYYYYYSSSSSSS!!!
CLOUD: OW! I _needed_ those eardrums, Yuffster!
TERRA: Katarin's having a baby.
KATARIN: I'm so happy to have a child... But Duane seems miserable...
(Duane arrives.)
DUANE: Katarin..... I'm sorry. I didn't know how to handle this. I've been an awful husband... But I'm learning. Please, come back with me.
RENO: HUSBAND?! Aren't they only 16?!
AERIS: Yep.
(A child comes.)
CID: THAT was fast!
TIFA: Not THEIR baby...
(Child) Waaaaa! Phunbaba's back again!
(Child) Please!! Rid us of Phunbaba once and for all!
TERRA: Please! Save this village! I simply can't fight...
CLOUD: (as Terra) I'll get my hair all messy!
DUANE: I'll keep Katarin safe.
KATARIN: I feel safe when Duane's around.
AERIS: Even though he's a phrackin' idiot.
(Outside, the party battles Phunbaba. Phunbaba sneezes two of the party members away, then TERRA joins the battle and morphs. When the battle is over, TERRA floats to the ground, and everyone is out and sees her.)
(Child) Monster again... I'm afraid... I'm always afraid...
(A girl approaches TERRA.)
(Girl) Mama... It is you, isn't it! I can tell...
CID: (as Child) I'd recognise those glowing demonic red eyes anywhere!
VOICE FROM INTERCOMM: A-hem.
CID: Erm, sorry Vince.
(Children) Huh? Mama? TERRA?
(Children are less intimidated.)
(Children) Mama!! TERRA!!!
TERRA: I...I can fight!
CLOUD: (as Terra) And I can SIIIINNNNNGGG!!!
TERRA: Finally... I understand that feeling... Even though I kept it buried for so long, I'm sure it's called...
AERIS: (as Terra) Nausea!
...... ...... "Love!" I realize that we must fight for the future of our children.
YUFFIE: (singing) I belive that children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way...
(TERRA rises into the air.)
RENO: Now that's what _I_ call platform shoes.
TERRA: Duane... Katarin needs your help... so does your new baby. Listen children, your "Mama" has to go away for a while. I'll return when I feel your future's guaranteed!
TIFA: (as Terra, under her breath) Mwa ha ha. SUCKERS!
(Child) Mama... I'm not gonna cry!
(Child) Me either!
TERRA: I'll be back. I promise! Till then...you behave!
Thank you... You helped me to understand a part of myself.
Now I must go to war. We must all believe we have a future. We must fight for those who aren't even born yet!
CLOUD, CID, and RENO: (shout-singing) You gotta fight...for your right...to PAAAARRRR-TEEE!
(In the Phoenix Cave. LOCKE is found at a treasure chest.)
RENO: (snort) As usual.
LOCKE!!
LOCKE: You're all safe! Behold... A legendary relic that can restore
CLOUD: (as Locke)...the hair to a bald man's head!
(ALL gasp in awe.)
life...
That looks like...Magicite...
LOCKE: Correct! Legend has it that ages ago the Phoenix was turned to stone... And many legends are based on facts... This has some major cracks in it though... I fear it may have lost its power over time...
TIFA: (reading, as Locke) In fact, it says right here: "Do not use after 9/16/1742". Oh, poopie...
CELES: LOCKE...That's for Rachel, isn't it...?
LOCKE: I wasn't able to save Rachel... I've lost all sense of
purpose... My life will have no meaning until I can right this
terrible wrong...
Will you come with us?
Only as far as Kohlingen...
AERIS: I take it we were supposed to assume it was Locke saying that last line.
(In the basement of LOCKE's home in Kohlingen.)
(LOCKE set Phoenix next to Rachel.)
PATRIARCH: If only the Magicite didn't bear those deep cracks... I think you've been wasting your time, young man!
Uwaaaaaa! The Magicite's gonna shatter!
(Rachel opens her eyes.)
RACHEL: LOCKE...
TIFA: (as Rachel) I just realised I'm actually a Replicant...
YUFFIE: Wrong Rachel.
LOCKE: Rachel!!!
RACHEL: LOCKE...I've dreamed of seeing you. I wanted to hear your voice.
RENO: (as Rachel) So I could have just one more good LAUGH. You know, for old time's sake.
LOCKE: Rachel...
RACHEL: The Phoenix has given me so little time... I have to leave again soon...
CID: Geez, Pay-Per-View ressurection!
But I have something to tell you...
LOCKE: ......
RACHEL: LOCKE...... With you I was so happy... In an instant that the accident occurred, I thought only of you... And about the joy you brought me. Thank you, LOCKE... I'll never forget you...
LOCKE: RACHEL!!!!
RACHEL: I have to go now... ...I'll always love you... You must now cast off the anguish you've been harboring inside for so long...
CLOUD: (as Rachel) ...and let it sail free, upon the open seas of joy...
AERIS: This WOULD be more touching if it didn't have all those cheesy metaphors, wouldn't it?
Today I set your heart free. You must learn to love yourself again, and regain your self respect. ...... Phoenix! Be reborn again!! And give your power...to LOCKE!!
(Phoenix rises.)
LOCKE: Rachel!!!
(Rachel passes away.)
ALL: (general sniffling.)
YUFFIE: Ye GODS this is depressing! I'm beginning to think Sephiroth might actually win, guys...
(Outside of LOCKE's home.)
CELES: LOCKE...
LOCKE: Thanks, I'm okay... I feel lighter than air...
CLOUD: (as Locke, with a high squeaky voice) Probably from all that helium I've been breathing...
AERIS: (singing) Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air, I never thought I could feel so free-hee-hee...
From here on... I'll be alright. Let's go! We have work to do!!
CELES: What's up?
RENO: (as Celes) YO! Whassup Locke, m'homey G?
TIFA: No, no, no, Celes saying "Whassup" is just SO wrong.
(LOCKE runs inside, then comes out.)
CID: He doesn't remember to use the DOOR either time, though.
LOCKE: X-Potion! Fenix Down! X-Ether! Elixir! Flame Shield! Valiant Knight! The treasures of the Phoenix Cave!
(LOCKE winks.)
LOCKE: Right, let's move out! We have an appointment with
AERIS: (dramatically) DESTINY!
Kefka!
(The theater doors open and the screen goes dark)
CLOUD: Time for our own appointment with the lobby, folks! Let's move it on over!
